I'm being taken to a very expensive Italian restaurant for dinner
Wednesday night (August 21,2002). I want to wear a white linen jacket
with a blue shirt and grey slacks. Will this be appropriate? I could
wear a yellow shirt or a white shirt, but I only have the grey slacks
and one pair of black shoes. Will I be conspicuously under dressed? I
mean, like, it is before Labor Day, so a white jacket should be OK. Do
you agree? Please answer soonest. I'm frantic.

Andy

Dear Beau,

These days, many expensive eating establishments designate themselves
as "Fine Dining" restaurants (presumably this helps to differentiate
them from the many hash joints which offer a "Mediocre Dining"
experience and the "Yucky Dining" greasyspoon dives.)

I cruised around the Web to a number of "Fine Dining" restaurants to
see what they say about appropriate clothing. Here are some samples of
my findings:

Dominique's, in New Orleans:

"Dress code for lunch and dinner is business casual." 

Dominique's Restaurant
http://www.dominiquesrestaurant.com/

Maize Restaurant, New Jersey:

"Dress Code: Smart Casual"
http://www.maize-restaurant.com/

The Ahwahnee Dining Room, Yosemite:

"At dinner, gentlemen are respectfully requested to wear sport coats
or dress sweaters and long pants."

Yosemite National Park: Elegant Dining
http://www.yosemitepark.com/html/dining.html

In an article published by "Wine Spectator" magazine, readers made
these comments on the subject of dressing etiquette:

"I don't wear a suit to the deli, or a t-shirt to Jean-Georges!"

"How can a fancy meal feel special if ths schlub next to you is
wearing a t-shirt? What I'd really like is a strict no loud-smelling
cologne policy -- I had Giorgio for dinner at Chez Panisse once."

"I love the atmosphere in most SF restaurants... great food &
atmosphere, with no strict dress code. People in SF have style, so
maybe restaurants aren't as concerned."

"If you can afford the food, you can afford a jacket." 

Wine Spectator: A-Dressing Restaurant Etiquette 
http://www.winespectator.com/Wine/Weekly_Features/Weekly_Poll_Archive_View/0,1428,841,00.html

Many of the "Fine Dining" sites I visited simply said "Dress Code,"
without further explanation. My experience with restaurants indicates
to me that this usually means a jacket and tie for gentlemen.

"Dressy Casual" and "Business Casual" are terms which are often
mentioned in describing suitable attire for upper-class restaurants.
The Web site "Casual Power" gives general definitions of these terms:

"Dressy Casual:
For men, this category indicates dress trousers, a turtleneck or
mock-turtle version, a dress shirt or a silk sport shirt
(long-sleeved), a tie (optional), and a jacket or sport coat."

Business Casual:
A comfortably relaxed version of classic business attire...Business
Casual draws from the aforementioned Smart Casual and Dressy Casual
categories, with many distinctions. True Business Casual attire
incorporates the more tailored garments from those two
classifications... Active and Rugged Casual clothing is clearly not
businesslike, unless you work as a tennis pro or a personal trainer,
or in the outdoors like a professional fly-fisherman."

Casual Power: Demystifying Business Casual
http://www.casualpower.com/dem6cats.htm

The tendency toward informal dress in the workplace has spread to
dining establishments. Appropriate attire in an expensive restaurant
would usually demand a jacket and tie, but these rules are much more
flexible today than in the days when the dark colored three-button
business suit was de riguere.

The "no white after Labor Day" dictum is now dismissed as archaic by
most etiquette experts (and, of course, as you have noted, we are
still on the summer side of Labor Day.) Your white linen jacket with
blue shirt, grey slacks, and black shoes should be fine. I suggest
wearing a tie of a suitable solid color or blue/grey pattern. Although
ties are no longer an absolute "must" in many fine restaurants, your
outfit will look much dressier with a tie than without, and it is
usually better to be safe than sorry. If everyone else is dressed like
beach bums, you can always take off the tie and turn it into a
headband.

My own perception regarding dressing up/dressing down is this: as long
as you are not conspicuous, and you speak and act in a civilized and
courteous matter, decent people in high-quality establishments are not
likely to shun you. Clothes do not make the man. Behavior makes the
man.

Bon appétit!

Cordially,
pinkfreud

Google search strategy:

"dress code" + "fine dining" + "restaurant"
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22dress+code%22+%22fine+dining%22+restaurant

"business casual"
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22business+casual

P.S.
No furtive rustling beneath the tablecloth, please. ;)

---

Request for Answer Clarification by beauregard-ga on 20 Aug 2002 16:49 PDT

This isn't a request for clarification, because nothing could be
clearer than your answer (and I had a finger-check when typing
"answer" in my rating. I know there's no "e" at the end). I had hoped
(in vain as it turns out), that you wouldn't connect me with the
"furtive rustling" question person, but you did. This was a serious
question, as I am going to the Italian Restaurant tomorrow, and I
thank you for your most complete reply. I will dress precisely as you
recommend, including the tie. But headbands are not in vogue where I
live, so if I take the tie off, I'll use is as a sash.

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 20 Aug 2002 18:44 PDT

I now realize that, in view of the fact that this is an Italian
restaurant, I should have shelved the "Bon appétit" in favor of the
"Buon appetito a te!"

Ciao!

~pinkfreud

I never dreamed that such a complete answere would be provided. Thank
you, Google, for this wonderful service.

Andy, it would be great if you could let us know if you felt
comfortable in the attire you chose. :-)

yeah, Mr. Snollygoster, we want a *full* report.

It's now just 40 minutes from reservation-time. The restaurant is only
15 minutes away (I'm at work now). You can depend that I will give you
a full review of the restaurant and of the responses to my attire. My
greatest fear is that some other diner will mistake me for a waiter
and ask for a glass of water or something. I've told my co-workers
(who noticed that I was dressed more formally than usual) that I had a
job interview for the position of piano playing bear at the local
Chucky Cheese.

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Coburn

dang, I love a good countdown.  I'll picture you in a Civil War
uniform.  Or possibly a toga.  have fun, Capt. Andy.

Have a happy!

You know where to come if you happen to need advice on removing
marinara sauce and/or Chianti stains from white linen. ;)

We arrived at the restaurant with minutes to spare. The valet parker
couldn’t be found, so I parked my friend’s car and he parked mine. We
had to hang for a couple of minutes waiting for the restaurant to open
but soon it did and we went in. I needn’t have feared being mistaken
for a waiter by other diners for two reasons: 1) There weren’t any
other diners and 2) The real waiters wore white pants and grey
jackets. (I suppose I could have been mistaken for an upside down
waiter, but I wasn’t.)

The reviews of this restaurant promised that the help spoke only
Italian, but no one told our waiter this because he spoke good old
fashioned Dee-troit-ese (please put emphasis on the Dee, not the
troit) who commented that it looked like rain which it didn’t.

The bread came and it was stale which did not bode well for the rest
of the meal. When my friend told the waiter about the bread, he
whisked it away and brought back some very fresh and very nice bread.
We knew we had been put on the “B” list because “A” list guests get
the fresh bread right off. There was no butter, only olive oil,
vinegar and basil to dip the bread into. Also some very nice ground up
olives that I spread on like peanut butter.

I ordered the Genese as an appetizer and my friend ordered the
“special not on the menu” Pasta Trieste. I ordered the Pasta Trieste
as my main course and my friend ordered the Dover Sole as his. Genese,
it turns out, is just tomato and mozzarella slices which the waiter
drowned in olive oil and balsamic vinegar. I added the rest of the
ground up olives.

The Pasta Trieste turned out to be three different, and very
delicious, pastas each with its own sauce. One red, one white and one
green. The Sole came whole and the waiter cut it up at the table. Two
very nice filets and an (optional) roe. My friend accepted the roe and
explained that it was just caviar but not made into caviar yet. Sort
of caviar on the hoof. I asked how they knew the fish was with child
but he couldn’t answer.

The dessert tray looked a bit used, and when we made our selections
the waiter served us right from the cart instead of wheeling the cart
away and bringing our desserts back so we’d think that they came from
the fresh stock in the kitchen. Coffee and cigars completed the meal
except that they wouldn’t let us light the cigars.

Other diners had arrived while we were eating, so we left hurriedly
because I didn’t want to have to bus any one else’s plates. We tipped
each other $20 for parking and drove home.

Andy,

Regarding the matter of how they can tell that the roe-bearing sole is
"with child," I suspect that an ichthyologist comes rushing out of the
examining room saying "the rabbitfish died."