What is the best way to proceed from the time of meeting someone of the
opposite sex - such as for a meal - to a committed relationship? ! 
There are probably no rules for this as such, but I would be
interested in knowing if there are books on techniques. It's such an
important part of life, but there is so little written about this !
Not sex, but cultivating and sustaining love and "in love".

Good morning, Clarette,

I never thought I'd ever be old to enough to use the phrase 'in my
day," but...  in my day things moved a lot more slowly when it came to
dating. Now, it seems, we live in a 'drive-thru' world where there's
no waiting and even microwaves don't seem fast enough. Hurry, hurry,
hurry.

Of course, you're right -- there are no hard and fast rules when it
comes to dating and commitment. You could ask a dozen people for
advice and each and everyone of them would give you a different answer
based on their own personal experiences.

You're also right to distinguish between love and being "in love." I
don't think that you can remove the sex angle from the equation,
though, not a least from "in love."  If there isn't an initial
tingling of the loins a romance probably won't develop. (My personal
opinion, only.) Using the keyword phrase "in love" I found an
interesting article which takes you quickly through the scientific
stages of a relationship.

What Is Chemistry in Love Relationships?
http://www.cyberparent.com/love/chem1.htm

Self-help books are surely available. Whether or not they are reliable
or worth the money is hard to say.

The first book that came to mind is a classic, written by Erich Fromm.
It isn't a 'how-to' guide about 'first date, second date, are we
committed yet?' kind of book.  Chapter One opens with "Is love an art?
Then it requires knowledge and effort. Or is love a pleasant
sensation, which to experience is a matter of chance, something one
"falls into" if one is lucky? This little book is based on the former
premise, while undoubtedly the majority of people today believe in the
latter." You can read the rest of the excerpt at
< http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0060915943/ref=pm_dp_ln_b_3/103-0912939-3795802?v=glance&s=books&vi=excerpt
>

The Art of Loving
Publisher: HarperCollins (paper); ASIN: 0060915943; Reissue edition
(June 1989)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060915943/103-0912939-3795802#product-details

The keywords "from dating to commitment" turned up the following
books:

The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again
MacMillan, Spring 1999  •  ISBN 0028624548
Tina Tessina: Published Books about dating, relationship advice, ... 
http://www.tinatessina.com/self-help-books.html


An e-book:
Finding the Perfect Relationship: A Proven Formula
http://www.knowledge-download.com/aperfectrelationship/?hop=tigress.drbob


Available from Amazon -- SPEEDDATING. You can read an except here:
Dating Sabotage
http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Dating_Sabotage.asp

You can order it here:
SPEEDDATING. Copyright 2002 by Yaacov Deyo and Sue Deyo. All rights
reserved. HarperCollins Publishers.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0066212553/friendsofaishhat/103-0912939-3795802


The keyword 'courtship' took to me to a long list of possible
websites, most of which have a Christian outlook on the issue.

Christian Courtship
http://polynate.net/books/courtship/

This site calls itself 'your complete guide to the second date and
beyond."
Lovingyou.com: Dating Guide
http://dating.lovingyou.com/guides/?ID=beyond

Keywords "commitment relationship" provided some results, including a
page with a schedule similar to what you wondered about. In this
article, Dr Tracy states that a "...  typical and reasonable time to
progress from meeting to marriage is two years." But apparently she
can't get away from sex either. Step six is "You sleep together almost
every night."

The Steps To Commitment
http://www.loveadvice.com/ARTICLES/COMMITMT.HTM

The above is but one of 14 related articles, and you can check them
all out here.

Relationship Commitment
http://enotalone.com/c69s0.html



Maintaining and sustaining love is not easy to do. Most websites about
the issue are exclusively religious in nature or sexual. My own
thought on the subject is that if one expects to live fifty years with
a partner and experience the same feelings as s/he did on day one,
there is going to be one big let-down!

We need to go back to commitment -- allegiance, loyalty, and
dedication. A sense of humour is definitely important (I know that
from 33 years of experience), a good deal of patience would help. Open
communication, trust, and reasonable expectations are all part of a
healthy long relationship.

If there's anything else you'd like me to add, please use the Answer
Clarification button.

I wish you well,
revbrenda1st

Very insightful and wise about a difficult subject-area. I am very
grateful. Thank you.

Believe it or not, in contrast to what most of the current experts say
on the subject, there may actually be a way to keep those "first
feelings" alive .... my partner and I stumbled across a website whose
author has some very different ideas on this.  We've been reading up
on and experimenting a bit with it, and I can tell you there is very
definitely 'something' there.  That's about all I feel qualified to
say just now as we're seekers too, but if you're interested in a
different kind of approach to all this, have a look at
http://www.marriagebuilders.com  Best of luck to you,
Byrd