As everyone knows, the English cricket team in Australia has been
humiliated yet again.

Stated simply: they can't bat; they can't bowl; they can't field; they
can't stay fit and, when their captain wins the toss, he often makes
the wrong decision.

Now, if someone could find a way of turning this around, I bet that
Disney would pay a fortune for the film rights.

Any ideas, please?

Witchcraft, voodoo, black magic ... anything goes.

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 23 Nov 2002 10:47 PST

Hi, raa

You have to look at how many good Aussie players perform outstandingly
in English County Cricket (Hussey, Love, Cox, Law, Elliot ... ) yet
can't make their National team.

Hi probonopublic,

Good day again, and thanks for your question. You don't know how
delighted I am to see a cricket question come up on Google. There have
been only 1 or 2 others to date.

>>> As everyone knows, the English cricket team in Australia has been
humiliated yet again.

Doesn't every cricket team get humiliated in Australia? :-) Only the
Kiwis have shown some sort of resistance of late, but they landed up
on the losing side.

Australia have devastated and decimated every cricket team they have
played against of late (barring India in India). Even if you look at
the Indian series, Australia were one wicket away from winning the
series. The VVS Laxman 281 and Rahul Dravid 180-odd innings followed
by Harbhajan Singh's magic saw the Indians through in the Kolkata
(Calcutta) test. The Chennai (Madras) test [which I saw in the
stadium] was anyone's game. A couple of bad decisions by Asoka
(Ashocker) de Silva cost Australia the match in my opinion. But in the
end, the series was 2-1 to India, and thats what the following day's
papers said, and thats what Wisden's archives will say forever. I'm
not complaining :)

Coming back to the English cricket team, they have always been out of
sorts after the retirements of the three G's - Gooch, Gatting & Gower.
The retirement of Atherton was the final nail in their coffin. The
English team seem to be heading to even lower heights with Alec
Stewart's retirement around the corner and news that Darren Gough may
never play cricket again. Caddick is due to retire. So, what does
England have to do?

I suggest the following which are realisic (blackmagic, voodoo
etc..... don't & won't work)

* Change the captain. Nasser Hussain *was* a good captain, but of late
he gives up very easily. Maybe a person like Micheal Vaughan or Marcus
Trescothick should be given the job. Graham Thorpe isn't a bad idea
either
* Find a good replacement for Alect Stewart. James Foster impressed a
bit in India, but I don't think he has the stuff for international
cricket
* Modify the county system. This is one thing which I believe is the
main cause for lack of good quality players in England in India - too
many domestic teams. Each team hardly has one or two national-team
players and so the other players are rarely exposed to quality players
in the opposition. In the Indian circuit, batsmen who score tons of
runs fail miserably in international matches. Same is the case with
bowlers picking up wickets. I feel that if the English domestic
circuit is modified in such a way that players are regularly exposed
to other 'quality players' in the opposing side, things will look
brighter. Look at Australia...only 6 or 7 domestic teams. Each team
has close to 5 or more Australian national-team players, and so
playing a match against a side is almost like playing a match against
an entire Austalian team. At one count, there were 9 test players in a
New South Wales Side.
* Bring in a quality off-spinner. Aussies struggle against quality
off-spin. Whatever happened to Robert Croft?
* Get a new fitness trainer. No English player seems to be fit.

Of course, if you're into voodoo and witchcraft, you might try the
match-fixing option first ;) The just concluded India-West Indies
series in India was grossly fixed in my opinion. I wonder how many
agree with me.

England can't do much in this Ashes series. A 5-0 defeat is staring at
them. However, they might just pull one back. But, this seems highly
unlikely. The England ODI side is a much better side than the test
side. All the best to England for the 2003 World Cup, but as an
Indian, I would prefer seeing India win (I guess I'm dreaming too
much!)

If you have any clarifications, please don't hesitate to ask. I will
answer any of your queries related ot cricket. I'm a cricket
journalist and partly-own a cricket website.

Warm regards,
aditya2k

Hi, Again, Adity2k

Many thanks for your answer.

I think you've hit a lot of nails on the head but, in defence of the
English team, we just don't have the weather that is enjoyed by the
teams in the Southern Hemisphere.

Also, in the UK, cricket now plays second fiddle to soccer ...
everywhere ... from school and up.

At one time, Denis Compton and Arthur Milton (and C B Fry?) were good
enough to represent their country at both sports ... But, now, it's
one or the other and soccer usually wins.

And, let's face it, televised cricket is unbelievably awful whilst I
quite enjoyed listening to the radio commentaries during the last two
tests.

I'm glad to learn that you are an Indian because I have a theory that
the Indian bookies might have a hand in things. Let England lose the
first two and then BINGO! (You know the game.)

Sadly, I cannot think of any other way that the present team could be
improved by injecting new blood and I cannot think of any way that
things will ever be improved longer term.

Long Live the Indian Bookies!

Kindest regards

Bryan

What baffles me is how they played so well at home against India, and
are cowering in front of the Aussies at the moment. Case of nerves?

In which case, it is unfair to fault the English. They are merely
playing what is arguably one of the best Test sides of all times. It
took a superhuman effort (VVS Laxman 281, Rahul Dravid 180, Harbhajan
Singh 13 wickets - all in one test match) to halt their run
temporarily.

I still think that, the current injury scenario in the English lines
is embarrassing and is telling of how little ECB covets its players.

Sorry, but I'd like to see them get beat for a bit longer yet :)

Willie-ga (A Scotsman)

Actually, that's not true....when I lived in England I developed quite
an affection for cricket and english beer (though not neccessarily in
that order.) I agree that they need a good kick up the wotsit. What
they need is toughening up. They need to head for the north and get a
series of Yorkshire or Lancashire plodders in the Boycott mould.

As for stopping the Aussies, maybe we should ship them out lots of
free beer, curries and fags (that's cigarettes to you
non-Brits)....but they seem to be just use that kind of stuff as fuel,
making them almost unstoppable.

Never mind, they'll all have to retire sometime.

Hi, Willie
 
You could be working on the right lines ...

I can recall better times, like: when Illingworth was manager, when
David Lloyd was coach, when Mike Atherton was captain.

What, I ask myself, are Graveney, Fletcher & Hussain doing to earn
their corn?

As you may have guessed, I'm a Lancastrian myself ... born & brought
up in Oldham.

Regards

Bryan