For instance my girlfriend, who is white, fantasizes about hugely
endowed black men. We would like to know how such a fetish forms
psychologically?

Hi somynona-ga,

What you are describing is not a fetish. It is a fantasy. A fetish 
http://www.aarogya.com/wellness/sexology/fetishism.asp
is defined as "a fixation on an inanimate object or body part that is
not primarily sexual in nature, and the compulsive need for its use in
order to obtain sexual gratification."

I am assuming that your girlfriend doesn't "use" hugely endowed
blackmen during her sexual activity. She does fantasize about them.

Where fantasies come from is a personal question. Each of us has a
specific history in terms of parents, early experiences, sexual drives
and needs. What may cause a person or an object to be sexually
arousing to one person may turn off someone else.

She may be turned on by the differences between herself and the object
of her fantasy, she may be excited by the lure of the unknown or the
adventure of trying - mentally - an experience that she would be too
afraid or too inhibited to try physically. Perhaps her family or
social group has taboos that she has internalized to some extent
involving interracial sexual activity and these "bad" thoughts are
exciting. It could be that she had a crush on a family friend who fits
the description as a child and incorporated these images into her
budding sexuality. There are probably several dozen other explanations
of why your girlfriend finds these thoughts stimulating.

Not all sexual fantasies are considered enjoyable by the person who
has them. Studies have "found that 45% of a sample of 160 conservative
Christians reported that they believed their fantasies were "morally
flawed or unacceptable". Other studies have found that substantial
minorities of individuals report feeling guilty or embarrassed about
their sexual fantasies..."
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m2372/3_38/82013897/p1/article.jhtml

"The notion that sexual stimuli or situations may have multiple
meanings is supported by findings of several studies."
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_0/m2372/1_37/61636080/p1/article.jhtml
 
If this is the case with your girlfriend, she might consider seeing a
professional for counseling to determine what the basis of her fantasy
is and to resolve the conflict.

The bottom line is - fanatsies are not fetishes - they do not need to
be acted out. They can be a healthy and enjoyable part of a normal sex
life. Many well adjusted women have rape fantasies. This doesn't mean
that they want to be raped. Take a look at the article "Are Sexual
Fantasies Good For Us?"
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Sex/sexpsych/sexual_fantasies/

If it doesn't detract from your mutual enjoyment, it shouldn't be a
cause for concern. You can find several books at Amazon.com or any
other bookstore that explore feminine sexuality. Fantasies can
contribute to a satisfying sexual experience, if this is not the case,
seek some professional help to find out why it creates problems.

search terms=sexual fetish fantasy analysis

Good luck,
bcguide-ga

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Request for Answer Clarification by somynona-ga on 01 Dec 2002 01:42 PST

Hi bcguide. Thanks for the clarification on fetish and fantasy.

You wrote, "I am assuming that your girlfriend doesn't "use" hugely
endowed
blackmen during her sexual activity. She does fantasize about them."
Well we do act out this fantasy. Is there an obvious point at which
acting out such fantasies can be destructive to a relationship? (The
healthyplace.com website wouldn't load.)

And you wrote, "The bottom line is - fanatsies are not fetishes - they
do not need to be acted out." Does this imply fetishes do need to be
acted out?

---

Clarification of Answer by bcguide-ga on 01 Dec 2002 11:39 PST

Hi,

Part of the definition of a fetish is... "the compulsive need for it's
use in order to obtain gratification..."

Many people use fantasies and other erotic aids to add excitement to
their sexual activities. The point where it becomes a problem can only
be defined by the person - or people - involved.

An analogy could be made to alcohol. There are many people who use
alcohol to loosen up in social situations - to relax and enjoy
themselves. Alcohol use is not a problem.

There are others who use alcohol for the same reasons, but the alcohol
begins to dominate their interactions. They begin to need the drug to
cope with social situations. At some point the drug takes over their
lives instead of being part of it.

If you think you have a problem - this forum is not the place to take
care of it. We are researchers - not health professionals. Don't
substitute a few hours of research on a topic for years of training
and experience. The general rule to use is: if YOU think it is a
problem... it is - get help...

If you take a look at
http://www.geocities.com/gungesurvey/fetishstats.html you'll see some
statistics on fetishes. It's not uncommon to have a fetish - millions
do. If it makes you uncomfortable - it's negative and needs to be
dealt with. Don't be embarassed to ask for professional help and
healing. Just make sure that it is PROFESSIONAL help.

Regards,
bcguide-ga

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Request for Answer Clarification by somynona-ga on 01 Dec 2002 12:11 PST

No there's certainly no problem. I was just a little alarmed by your
initial response. Thanks.

---

Clarification of Answer by bcguide-ga on 02 Dec 2002 01:42 PST

Hi,

I'm glad that you found the clarification helpful.

Thanks for taking the time to do the rating.

Regards,
bcguide-ga