Hi nutleymom,
How frustrating for you and your 10-year old! Having been a sports mom
and a volunteer softball coach for many years, I can tell you that
fair-play rules are the hardest thing to enforce in any youth sports
program. They are also the source of the most misunderstandings and
hurt feelings on a team.
Everyone wants to play. Everyone wants to win. It’s a tough spot for a
coach to be in. Since many coaches (and parents too!) are entirely
focused on the win, most youth sports leagues have implemented Fair
Play rules. These rules prevent the coach from having to face a
dilemma when putting in a poorer player may cost the team a game. The
coach has no choice but to play everyone – win or lose.
Now, often the Fair Play rules leave wiggle room so that a coach has a
chance at the end of a game to do anything necessary to try to get the
win. For example, in the softball I coached we played 7 innings. Each
girl had to play three, but I could put anyone I wanted in during the
7th. When my daughter played soccer it was the same. The last 5
minutes belonged to the coach, no matter who had already played their
share. This way everyone gets a fair shake at playing, the better
players get rewarded for their skill, and the team has an unfettered
chance to win the game.
Also, many coaches implement some of their own team rules which may or
may not be enforceable. For example, a coach may deny a child an
inning or two for missing practices all week or being late to a game.
These types of rules are usually announced up front and are often for
the protection of less-able players. It wouldn’t be fair to let a good
player skip a week of practice then show up and be the star of the
game. As I said, if these are just coach-made rules, they may not be
enforceable under official Fair Play Rules, but they might be common
sense and worth keeping.
As you can see, it’s a delicate balance.
Let’s talk about your situation now.
First, a couple of basics ---
If your child’s team is an “elite” or “all-star” team – that is a team
s/he had to try out for, you are probably out of luck as far as
lodging a complaint goes. These highly competitive teams play to WIN
and players are selected and played according to ability. There
generally are no “fair-play” rules and all decisions regarding who to
play when are at the coach’s discretion.
But, if your child is on a “house league” or “town league” team – that
is a team that is open to all local residents, then you probably have
some recourse against unfair playing practices.
Your first step is to find out what the official Fair Play rules for
your league actually state. Your coach should be able to supply you
with these in writing. If s/he does not, then go to the recreation
department that oversees the league and ask for one. Or, the umpire
usually has a copy of the league rules. Finally, your league may have
a website with the rules posted.
Do a Google search for:
“Your league” fair play rules -- or --- “Your Town” youth sports
rules
[if you need help with the search, let me know your city, state, and
league name and I'll look for you]
Read it carefully and see how it applies to your child’s age group and
team size. Then, once you understand exactly how much playing time
your child is entitled to, see how that compares to what s/he is
actually getting. Keep track of precisely how much time (or how many
innings) your child spends on the field. Track it over a couple of
games in case your coach plans to even things out across the week
rather than one game, a practice that is usually acceptable. Document
everything.
If you find it’s short, the first thing to do is speak directly with
the coach. Show him/her the Fair Play rules and your documentation.
Ask if there’s any legitimate reason (aside from the win) that your
child is sitting the bench. Use diplomacy first to try to bring the
coach around to your viewpoint. From experience I can tell you that
many volunteer coaches are just someone’s mom or dad and are not fully
aware of all the rules that go with a particular league. It may be
that just a simple reminder is in order. Give him/her the benefit of
the doubt before you go on a major offensive.
But, if that gets you nowhere or if the coach is non-communicative or
dismissive, then escalate. Document your conversation with the coach
then make a call directly to the Recreation Department (or whoever
oversees the league) and explain your dilemma. If there are other
parents who have the same complaint, have them call too. I can assure
you, they will have an observer at your child’s next game and the Fair
Play rules will be strictly enforced.
Finally, you may find that the Fair Play rules are being adhered to
and that your child is only entitled to the number of innings he/she
is already getting. This again is a tough call. Though you have no
official recourse, you could approach the coach anyway and explain
that your child is feeling slighted by being left out at the end of
the game. Maybe the coach never considered that and would make more
concessions to the 2nd string players.
If not, switching teams to a less win-driven coach might be the only
other option. Or, this whole thing may boil down to a hard life lesson
for your 10-year old --a lesson in fairness, entitlement, skill, and
winning. The fact is, when s/he gets to high school level sports,
there will be no concept of “fair”. The game will be played to win and
there will certainly be bench warmers. Those who excel will play more
than those who don’t, won’t. It’s a tough lesson to learn at such a
tender age, but in reality, it’s the way life pans out.
I hope this works out for you. I’m always saddened to see youth sports
coaches who forget the real reason they are out there : for the kids!
Good luck –
-K~
No search terms – I lived it. :-) |
