This question is Similar to below, but I only need :
need this by 7:30am tues jan 14h. (no tip for this question, unless
you go above and beyond.) I expect a good answer for $25.
I am willing to break this question up, into smaller more bite sized
questions if that will help.
***Most importantly,
I need to know what type of things should go in this agreement to
benefit me *** basic suggestions, and things I might not have thought
of.
old question is quoted here.
Subject: Divorce / Family Law / Child Support / Custody: suggestions
to take to ESP
Category: Relationships and Society > Law
Asked by: markp-ga
List Price: $106.00 Posted: 13 Jan 2003 19:00 PST
Expires: 12 Feb 2003 19:00 PST
Question ID: 142323
Hi,
I need this answer fast, by 7:30am Eastern time Tues jan 14th. Thats
when our ESP is. I dont know if we will resolve our issues, and reach
an agreement though, so I still welcome answers and comments later
than just this date.
I will add a TIP up to $100 for a fast and thorough answer. I will
Probably tip $50, but if you really do a great and thorough job, you
could possibly expect $100, assuming I have the answer by the 7:30am
Tues Jan 14th ESP date deadline.
I will be checking in to monitor progress and requests for
clarification several times tonight / tomarrow morning. I may even
get inet access from court tomarrow during the day / lunch break.
I live in New Jersey. I am the father of a precious 3 yr old
daughter.
Married 6 years, many periods of seperation.
My intention of this question is to discover issues that could be
important to me, during and after the ESP. (early settlement panel).
this is very important. I want to address every last conceivable
detail, to prevent disagreements down the road, and to set
expectations, and even put penalties in the agreement if one party
fails to comply - is that last part possible??? and who pays to
enforce, and loser pays attorneys fee? extra parenting time , as well
as financial penalties ?
I also want to know how enforceable these issues / agreement are.
Also how much money it will cost to enforce, somehting. (roughly
potential, and estimated) dont spend too much time on.
What sort of things should be put into this "agreement."
i have attorney, but he has seemed to not share what he knows about
these issues, or just doesnt know. he does serve a purpose, but I
need more info, or to give him leads on this stuff. I cant expect him
to know everything right?
As I understand it, my wife and I, and our attorneys will meet at ESP,
try to hash out an agreement, and then goto a judge and get divorced.
I am VERY concerned that I should speak now, or forever hold my peace
regarding this "agreement".
examples of some things to discuss:
who pays for phone calls? I have read on internet, mothers refuse
children to call their father, because the long distance calls. things
like that. arguign over this. I would like everything spelled out.
especially assume things are sort of cool, but at least semi
reasonable relations now. and this is not garanteed in the future. ex
spouses could not get along at all, and become cruel. I could never
see me do this, but I am concerned she might break laws, and ignore
judges orders, not allow visitation, manipulate every law, and try to
get me to pay for it!
She is currntly making about 30k and getting 100-200 a week under
table in a seperate OT check from working overtime, non taxable, from
her lawfirm that she works for.
I make about 45-58k, currently on the high side of that #.
I have been granted joint legal custody, she has primary physical
custody, at least ruled at the motion hearing. I would like to take
my daughter out for McDonalds once a week, and possibly have 48 hrs
parenting time (2 days) during the week, if I am unemployed, rather
than have her goto daycare those days.
daycare is $650 per month total.
I think she is eligable for NJ family care, based on her income, or at
least with a small contribution to it. I dont have health insurance
for me. She has for wife. her to put daughter under her plan could
be $300 extra a mo.
potential issues are:
Legal custody issues
religion - daughter was raised christian for 3 yrs, and now wife wants
her to be catholic. what are arguments for me for best interests of
daughter? Daughter was baptised / dedicated at christian church. We
were in agreement. Now she has told me she didnt / doesnt want that.
schooling - I prefer public or christian school, not catholic. what
can I do? she has physical custody. I dont. My understanding is that
I basically have no say in how daughter raised. I cantforce wife to
send her to certain school? what about costs? I dont want to pay
100%? I would prefer it come out of child support, or I pay a fair
portion.
discipline ? - how has this been handled? I would prefer a verbal
warning / age appropriate time out / "light tap to get the attention
or whatever", vs almost no discipline. - again we were in agreement
about this, and we both participated, now she has "no comment" when
asked about this.
day care - selection
doctors - selection
medical treatment - God forbid daughter might need some, can I be
notified, also if something serious, what imput do i have for other
forms of treatment?
how might that affect visitation and costs?
Visitation issues
holidays
parties
daycare / school functions
transportation costs and time shared
chaild support
daycare income ratio
medical insurance
medical expenses: unreimbursed medical ratio (copay) etc
counsel fees - she already awarded 1500 out of 2500 for her
bank accounts - she is trying to hide a few. she had total 2000 when
seprated, now she probably spent it. can I get some of that?
I didnt have any in my account when we seperated (I was unemployed,
and she refused to contribute to household expenses)
tax issues: claim daughter as dependant.
who gets physical custody daughter in case of death of wife? me? or
can she specify who in a will? can that be in the ESP / agreement?
what if she remarries, and gets divorced again... can I lose parenting
time to the step dad, how will the pie slices of parenting time and
COSTS be devided??
Can We address that in the agreement?
what is binding in the agreement?
what is not binding or enforceable?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clarification of Question by markp-ga on 13 Jan 2003 19:07 PST
What about extra curricular activities? who pays for, and How can I
get daughter to take music lessons if wife doesnt want her to, or
doesnt want to pay? why should I shoulder all the financial load of
that activity?
what good is joint legal custody?
how can I get joint physical custody? - is this possible in NJ? in
rare cases?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clarification of Question by markp-ga on 13 Jan 2003 19:13 PST
also, what is the downside if we dont reach an agreement tomarrow, Jan
14th 2003? How expensive / complicated / financially / emotionally
draining could this get? are there any studies on this? financially
speaking? better to cut losses now, rather than get what I want?
opinions? comments?
Can a good arguement be put forth that she is refusing to come to a
reasonable agreement / she is being unreasonable, and therefore should
pay for my court costs from now on? or some portion? how can I prove
this behavior to a judge?
of course her attorney doesnt want to settle... how can I document her
unreasonableness for a judge to look at later on?
any advice on getting one party to pay for the other parties attorney
/ legal costs? (excluding decision based on income, I make more than
her).
something creative? seal an envelope with a proposed agreement, and if
it is similar to what the judge would rule, then she pays my fees plus
hers?
come on: I know there are lots of attorneys out there... lets here
what you have to say.
Thank you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Clarification of Question by markp-ga on 13 Jan 2003 20:24 PST
I spent about $200 on Christmas gifts for my daughter.
As far as I know, gifts dont count towards child support.
I sort of feel robbed that I dont get "credit" for that $200.
Can we write someting into the support agreement about gifts counting
towards child support / or negotiate that somehow?
It is not inconceivable to easily spend $500 on gifts per year on my
income.
Has anyone heard of a creative way to handle this? or using this as a
tradeoff or bargaining chip?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments
Subject: Re: Divorce / Family Law / Child Support / Custody:
suggestions to take to ESP
From: tutuzdad-ga on 13 Jan 2003 20:34 PST
Dear markp-ga:
I began taking an honest stab at your question but really, it is so
complex that there is absolutely nothing productive to be gained by
quizzing an internet forum about the future of your family. I do not
mean this in a derogatory way either as I can personally sympathize
with your current circumstances.
Your comment: "i have attorney, but he has seemed to not share what he
knows about these issues, or just doesnt know. he does serve a
purpose, but I
need more info, or to give him leads on this stuff. I cant expect him
to know everything right? ", concerned me so that I abandoned the
question altogether. The short answer to this question is YOU BET! He
should know EVERYTHING he is supposed to know about this issue. If he
doesn't, and you already know that, then YOU will have ineffective
counsel going into this thing. You can rest assured that your spouse's
attorney will arrive fully prepared to do battle (or you should at
least assume that).
My best advice to you at this late date, for your own sake, is save
your $106 and your $100 tip and go get a fast second legal opinion, or
fire your attorney and seek to have the ESP postposed until you can
obtain a competent attorney. One of you in this hearing who doesn't
know what to expect is ok, as long as that one guy isn't your
attorney.
Good luck;
tutuzdad-ga |
Request for Question Clarification by
hedgie-ga
on
13 Jan 2003 23:36 PST
Mark
I will make few comments, so you can evaluate usefulness of what
I have to say. I am not an atorney, but I have been 'there',
(with
joint legal custody) (which is the usual arangement). Joint
physical
custody is possible if BOTH parents get along and agree (which
is
not your case, it seems ).
first few facts:
tax issues: claim daughter as dependant.
Yes. That is negotiable. Often parents alternate..
in case of (death, remariage ..)
who gets physical custody daughter in case of death...
NO. That does not go into agreement.
You do not loose your parental rights, except if proven in
the court of law to be an unfit parent. If your wife dies you
are the sole legal guardian. Children cannot be left in the
will,
to somebody. However, emotional realities are often more
important
then letter of the law. If your wife remarries early, your
doughter
will develop emotional bond to her step dad (if everything goes
well)
.. that cannot be specified in the the agreement and you do not
want
to fight that (if you love her).
Either parent can petition the court for changes, when that is
needed.
So you do not anticipate future development in the agreement.
That includes the child support levels. There are tables which
determine
what is 'usual', based on income of the parents. Attorneys often do
not
tell the clients about it, since -- well -- atorneys do have a
conflict
of interest: If parents can figure it out and agree, on child
support,
there is almost no cost, and no atorney fees...
Function of the court is to protect the interest of the child.
The more you can agree with your wife, the less the court is
needed,
the better for the child.
Ultimately, since you will have a life-long relationship with your
child,
you will some relationship with your ex and her future partner.
If you look at the divorced couples, you find out that problems
with visitation happen whan that relation between parents is bad. That
is
VERY bad for the child. So, you may want to consult another atorney,
book, support groups, etc/ But for the ESP today: calm down. Do not
look
for creative solution and how to get an advantage. This is not
business
but family. I would not bring in 'what is she getting under the
table'
even if I could prove it. It makes bad relationship. I mean makes bad
relationship even worse.
Ultimately, the law does not help much. It will be 2, eventually 4
adults,
who will decide what school, lessons,.. the child will take. Law
really
enters only in the worst cases, which you, I hope, will be wise
enough to avoid..
So question is: Do you want more advice like that?
Ultimately,
|
