Hi r2,
I spent a considerable amount of time pondering your question before
proceeding with the research for it. Parent/child relationships can
be oddly complicated things, no matter the gender involved. I think
all parents worry that we're somehow damaging our relationships with
our children, which makes this a bit of a touchy topic.
(I think you've got very little to worry about - my 10 year-old son
threatens to *write* a book about how mean I am. On the whole, I
think I'd rather have him read them! ;) )
I've tried to select a wide variety of resources discussing
mother/daughter relationships, to lend a little balance to the topic.
Too many that focus on the possible negative aspects would present a
skewed picture and be unnecessarily worrying, so I've included several
which discuss strengthening the relationship, and have included
excerpts from articles available on the web.
ARTICLES
--------
"Toronto therapist and author Marilyn Irwin Boynton says it's the
responsibility of the adult daughter to make the changes needed to
heal a wounded mother-daughter bond. "Mothers have shot their bolt by
the time the daughter has grown up," observes Boynton. "If they'd been
able to notice what they were doing wrong and to make changes, they
would have done it by then."
I want to stop hating my mom
http://www.soulkurry.com/v2/relationships/article.php3?articleid=1594
"One of the key underlying problems in many mother-daughter
relationships is that the mother sees the daughter as a "little her" -
as someone who she can help avoid certain mistakes, and who can do
what she never was able to do."
LifeTips: Mother-Daughter
http://relationship.lifetips.com/PPF/scid/56846/TipSC.asp
"When you're five, she's a goddess. You smear your face with her
lipstick and model her earrings and high heels, wanting to be just
like mommy. That's the way it is until you're about thirteen, when she
suddenly becomes the most ignorant, benighted, out-of-touch creature
on the planet, and you can't get far enough away from her. Your
primary form of interaction for the next five years or so will be a
single word, "Mooooooooooooommmmmmm!" And then, somewhere between your
twenties and your thirties, if you're lucky, she becomes your best
friend again."
Our Mothers, Ourselves: Mother-Daughter Relationship - By Gina Shaw
http://health.discovery.com/centers/womens/daughter/daughter.html
"The mother plays a critical role in the development of her daughter
in particular. This relationship perpetuates the role daughters play
in their interpersonal relationships, as well as in the role women
play in the society overall. Chodorow notes the importance of "the
girl's relationship with her mother, their interdependence and
continuity, their lack of separation and differentiation, [and] their
fluid and permeable ego boundaries" (qtd. in Hirsch, "Spiritual" 26).
This concept clearly distinguishes mother-daughter relationships from
women's relationships with their husbands and sons, as well as from
relationships between men."
The Mother/Daughter Dilemma: The Failure of Motherhood in Wilkie
Collins' The Woman in White - Julianne White (Includes bibliography)
http://scholar.lib.vt.edu/ejournals/WILLA/fall96/white.html
"Having lost my mother recently, I have been pondering over the
evolution of my relationship with her - from a little girl holding her
finger and following her around, slowly easing away from her grip, and
finally seeing her go in my arms while she held my other hand tightly.
The magnetism of that touch, her last vain effort for breath, the
radiance on her face when she finally let go, abridged the real
essence of her life and what she meant to me."
My Mother's Daughter By Brinda Balakrishnan
http://www.parentspitara.com/relations/parent/21.htm
"The mother-daughter relationship is so important to most women, yet
it can often be fraught with hurt, disappointment, disconnection,
anger or conflict."
Strengthen mother/ daughter bonds: Tips to help moms and daughters get
along
http://www.mochasofa.ca/family/program/articles/02april29a.asp
"If you have trouble getting along with your mother, you're not
unique. Here's a look at three mother-daughter duos and the struggles
they face to keep a good relationship."
Getting along with Mom: One of life's most treasured and troubled
relationships
http://www.mochasofa.ca/family/program/articles/02230101.asp
"A woman learns her sense of self from the connection to her mother.
That's why it's necessary to find the similarities, and understand the
differences, between ourselves and our mothers to fully develop as
women.
A woman's relationship with her mother is often more complex than that
of a mother and son because of the fact that the same-sex ‘process of
identification' between a mother and her daughter remains
uninterrupted throughout childhood, adolescence and adulthood."
My mother, myself: Why we often turn out being just like our mothers.
http://www.mochasofa.ca/family/program/expert/02090108.asp
BOOKS
-----
How to Mother a Successful Daughter: A Practical Guide to Empowering
Girls from Birth to Eighteen by Nicky Marone (14 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0609802763/102-9675584-1482565
Raising a Daughter: Parents and the Awakening of a Healthy Woman by
Jeanne Elium, Don Elium (21 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0890877084/102-9675584-1482565
The Mother's Voice : Strengthening Intimacy in Families (13 sample
pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0151626804/102-9675584-1482565
Growing a Girl: Seven Strategies for Raising a Strong, Spirited
Daughter
by Barbara MacKoff (36 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0440506611/102-9675584-1482565
Beyond the Myths: Mother and Daughter Relationships in Psychology,
History, Literature and Everyday Life by Shelley Phillips (review and
order link)
http://www.socresonline.org.uk/1/2/cotterill.html
THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP: ECHOES THROUGH TIME (synopsis and
order link)
http://www.wsi.org/journal2.html
This Mother's Daughter by Nelvia M. Brady
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/096737510X/102-9675584-1482565
Embracing Persephone: How to Be the Mother You Want for the Daughter
You Cherish
by Virginia Beane Rutter (9 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1573245631/102-9675584-1482565
My Mother, My Friend : The Ten Most Important Things To Talk About
With Your Mother by Mary Marcdante (38 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0684866064/102-9675584-1482565
Between Mother & Daughter: A Teenager and Her Mom Share the Secrets of
a Strong Relationship by Judy Ford, Amanda Ford (7 sample pages)
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1573241644/102-9675584-1482565
Perhaps of additional interest to you, Michael Wilmington of the
Chicago Tribune recommends 5 films that feature mother-daughter
relationships:
http://metromix.com/top/1,1419,M-Metromix-Movies-wilmingtontop5!ArticleDetail-18894,00.html
There have been many books and articles written on the subject of the
mother/daughter relationship - my search alone turned up more than
59,000 results! Even so, I hope that the ones I've selected for you
will serve as a solid foundation for your own reading on the subject.
If you require further assistance or would like me to seek out more
books or articles for you, please just ask for clarification. I'll be
glad to help.
-- Missy
Search terms: [ "mother daughter relationships" ] |
