Hello,
The reason why your dad is so stupid is surprisingly enough directly
related to your present age! You see, when a person is four years old,
the father, commonly known as Dad, Daddy or Pop, is actually the most
intelligent person on the planet. The has been proven through the
father's innate ability to answer the most difficult questions in less
time than it takes the child to ask them. For example, the child will
ask, "Why is the sky blue?” and the father will reply, quite
correctly, that the sky is blue because blue is the child's favorite
color.
A father will retain his general intelligence for several years, yet a
some point, usually during the time which the child enters puberty and
adolescence, the father begins to lose all intelligence. The reason
for this is not exactly known but in some cases it can depend on the
gender of the child. For example the father of a male child will
remain highly useful on such subjects as girls and dating, while the
father of a female child, when questioned about boys and dating, will
inexplicably and repeatedly answer that boys are evil and dating is
forbidden until the child is X years old, X usually being around age
47, a time when the father instinctively knows he will have a handy
supply of medications around which will enable him to worry about
nothing more than the length of the blades of grass on his lawn and
the current scores of all NFL teams.
The good news however, is that through the same unknown mechanism that
causes a father to completely lose his grasp on reality throughout the
child's teen years, a reverse trend begins as the child reaches his or
her twenties. This reversal appears to be directly related to the
father's available line of credit however the credit card companies
stringently deny any involvement in this phenomenon.
In both the female and male child, the father will quickly regain all
previous intelligence, however the manifestation will appear in
different areas. In the male child, knowledge of such matters as
ancient sports scores, car washing and how to wear the same pair of
blue jeans for two weeks without laundering them will impress upon the
child that the father is indeed, once again, and intelligent human
being. In the female, a simple approach is also used - the father's
agreement that an ex-boyfriend deserves to be shot, preferably by said
father, the father's amazing ability to answer the phone and carry on
a coherent conversation at three in the morning with said daughter who
may be half-way around the world at the time, and the completely
incomprehensible skill in which the father, by merely describing a
litany of all the things that could be wrong with the daughter's car,
causes the daughter's car to begin functioning properly, all pave the
way for the beginning of the final era in the lifeline of a father’s
intelligence, scientifically known as The Best Dad in the World era.
With proper care and maintenance, this era will last for the remainder
of the child’s life. In the unfortunate event that the father of the
adult child does not enter the Best Dad in the World era, just know
that, as mentioned on the informative television series, The Sopranos,
in today’s modern world of pharmacology no one need suffer. |
