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Q: Hit or miss female orgasms ( Answered,   3 Comments )
Subject: Hit or miss female orgasms
Category: Relationships and Society > Romance
Asked by: lingling-ga
List Price: $10.00
Posted: 30 Jan 2003 12:23 PST
Expires: 01 Mar 2003 12:23 PST
Question ID: 155359
How can I enhance my ability to acheive an orgasm through intercourse?
I've had a number of sexual partners in my life and with some men it
happened quite easily and with others I find I have to struggle to get
that critical stimulation that will lead to an orgasm, usually without
success. I have no problem acheiving orgasm in general and find that
men are happy to satisfy me in other ways. I would never resort to
faking it because then I'd only have myself to blame for my
dissatisfaction, not to
mention the terrible dishonesty of it. But men tend to measure
themselves by their ability to make women acheive orgasms through
sexual intercourse and they're a little disappointed when it's not
happening. I'm healthy, mentally and physically. I'm not under any
particular stress and I have a good friendship with my current
boyfriend. I believe it's a question of technique but if someone can
give me some ideas of what I might do I'd be very appreciative. Thanks
Subject: Re: Hit or miss female orgasms
Answered By: journalist-ga on 30 Jan 2003 13:20 PST
Greetings Lingling!  Your query is one that I have heard many times
over the years and, as a woman, have once asked myself.  However, in
all the discussions about this subject that I have shared with
girlfriends, the answer to achieving orgasms with a partner is this:
It depends on the sensitivity of your partner towards your erogenous
zones - if you share sexual intimacy with an experienced, inept or
greedy lover, you are always pretty much left out in the cold.

One of the most difficult things, it seems, for women to do during
intimacy is to clue in their partners to what they want.  For some
reason, men seem to have no problem asking for particulars during
intimacy but women seem to be shyer about it.  The first thing I would
suggest you do is to be verbal with your lover and communicate to them
what you enjoy.  The best way to open a conversation about this is to
inquire the same of your lover.  Thay way, you open the door to be
able to communicate what pleases you.  Tell your lover "Do this" or
"Linger there" or "Slow down!" so that he will know what he is doing
that makes you feel warm and relaxed.  Don't be shy about saying what
is pleasing to you during sexual intimacy (or what is not) - contrary
to popular belief, men can't read minds. lol

Unfortunately, many men (especially younger men) seem to operate under
the assumption that penetration during sexual intercourse is the most
fulfilling thing they can do for a woman when, actually, the act of
penetration is usually the ultimate goal of the male's satisfaction.

Also, men may sometimes rush to fulfill their desire for penetration
and not think to be sensuous with a woman.  There is an old saying
"Men give foreplay to get sex and women give sex to get foreplay." 
This is certainly not true across the board but, by far, many women
seem to enjoy the sensuous intimacy that precedes sexual intercourse
while men seem to be running for the penetration goal line.  lol 
Plus, foreplay is what enables a woman to relax and be able to achieve

I don't want you to think anything is "wrong" with you, either,
because you don't experience orgasms everytime you have sexual
intercourse.  There are other factors to consider regarding this such
as fatigue, emotional stress, etc.  If you happen to be in an
out-of-the-bedroom situation such as stress on the job or having had a
tiff with a friend, these experiences can affect your ability to relax
during sexual intimacy - even the thought "I should have washed those
dishes first..." removes your mind from the intimate situation. 
Consider these factors and others as being the reasons you sometimes
don't experience orgasms.  Relaxation is a big key to this.  Sometimes
a small glass of wine might do the trick, too, to relax you.

As far as tips on experiencing more or frequent orgasms, here are some
links that may be of interest to you:

Imtimate Fitness - The Kegel Method

Tantra and Tantric Sex

A book is available here for $14.95 titled "Pathways to Pleasure - A
Woman's Guide to Orgasm"

Women's Sex Health - An online pay site with intimate secrects for
women regarding orgasm - $9.95 for one month accesss

Go Ask Alice - regarding women having more orgasms

Myths About Female Sexuality

Should you have any need for clarification after perusing the links I
have provided, please request it and I will be happy to respond.  You
have asked a very interesting question!

experiencing more orgasms
experiencing more orgasms women
how to have more orgasms women
tantric sex
better sex for women
more orgasms for women
what are orgasms in women

Clarification of Answer by journalist-ga on 30 Jan 2003 16:39 PST
CORRECTION: The line above in the first paragraph that reads
"experienced, inept or greedy lover..." should read "inexperienced,
inept or greedy lover."  Sorry for the typo.
Subject: Re: Hit or miss female orgasms
From: leep-ga on 30 Jan 2003 14:48 PST
You write:

"But men tend to measure themselves by their ability to make women
acheive orgasms through sexual intercourse and they're a little
disappointed when it's not happening."

I think one goal should be to educate the men about vaginal
intercourse orgasms.  As indicated on many web pages, "Not all women
orgasm through penile vaginal intercourse" and "most women need
substantial stimulation to the clitoral area in order to trigger an
above quotes from:
"Ask Sandy":
"FAQs about Human Sexuality":

So to me those men should be spending a bit more time on educating
themselves about sexuality issues.  Your message seems to imply that
there's nothing wrong with your techniques or health.  Here are some
recommend links:

"Approximately 70% of women do not have orgasm from vaginal
intercourse, but do have them from more direct clitoral stimulation."
from "One Perspective on Women’s Sexual Experience"

"Is there a way to achieve vaginal orgasm? I want one.":

"Female Orgasms During Intercourse":

"The Clitoris During Intercourse":

"Vaginal Intercourse "
(note: above page contains some pencil drawings from the book "Masters
and Johnson on Sex and Human Loving")
Subject: Re: Hit or miss female orgasms
From: johnfrommelbourne-ga on 31 Jan 2003 05:46 PST
Well for what it is worth and given no man has yet offered an
opinion(although perhaps not wanted either)my experience over a number
of years with a number of different partners( all women!)is that the
man's skill and expertise is a vital ingredient of any recipe that
yields a female orgasm through intercourse, if not the main instigator
of orgasm. If the man is able to(over time) completely put the woman
at ease  to the point that she is not the least nervous,  and
inhibition free because of a complete sense of trust in the man then
orgasm becomes much much easier to achieve. I remember my girlfriend
who  was only 23,  model-beautiful and a virgin just a few years back(
I was 15 years older) ringing to ask just what did I do when we were
together that made her "come" via direct intercourse nearly every time
when her  partners since had not been able to bring it on even once. I
 explained as I have above that if the woman truly feels completely
and utterly at ease with the man and the man responds accordingly with
every move aimed at satsfying the woman including erotically talking
to her and kissing her gently  while  making love the orgasm is not
that hard to achieve. My former girlfriend's later partners I
therefore summised had not been sufficiently concentrating on her and
her needs in my opinion.

Subject: Re: Hit or miss female orgasms
From: axxxion-ga on 17 Aug 2003 17:26 PDT
I might as well add my 2 cents worth. There is a wide variation in the
orgasmic ability in the human female. I have found that a healthier
self image, the ability to  relax (i.e., how comfortable you are with
your partner and youself)and the degree inwhich foreplay is used are
some of the prerequisites to a potential fufilling liason. In my
experience the most recent being of having a 44 y.o. woman that had
never acheived a vaginal orgasm have one. Also practicing Kegel
exercises is  helpful in acheiving orgasm for the women as well as the
man. Not only will she benefit from the added muscular tension that is
a helpful prerequisite to orgasm(Orgasm's are tension driven) but the
actual surface area inwhich the penis is in contact in the vagina is
increased providing even more pleasure.
    I think every woman has the ability to have an orgasm(I know of a
Somalian woman that had a clitoralectomy that even had them!). There
is alot more I could say but I am so late in this answer that no one
will probabily read it! :-(


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