calculate the effect suicide of my teenage child on my life expectancy
I am 51 he was 19 and shot himself in the head

Presence of suicide: loss of 95days
http://www.me.utexas.edu/~ans/Pro/lle.html

I urge you not to worry about this though. There are so many factors
that could be a part of families that have had a suicide, which
perhaps does not apply to you.

tisme-ga

irishman...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Given my experience
in the field of mental health, I must emphasize that, to 
a large extent, how this affects you will be up to you.
As noted on this excellent website, authored by the mother
of Jared Benjamin High, who committed suicide just after
his 13th birthday:

"Never believe that grief and "getting over it" is the same
 thing. I'm sorry to say that you never "get over it", you
 just deal with losing and how you deal with losing a child
 or loved one is what life is all about."
http://www.jaredstory.com/dealing_with_grief.html

Also on that page, you will find links to her numerous
suggestions for dealing with such a loss, as well as 
links to many supportive sites, such as those which 
assist you in the grieving process and forums where you
can share your feelings with those who have undergone
a similar experience.

In my experience, those who allow the admittedly painful
process of grieving to occur and continue, in its own
way and time, recover to a much greater extent than
those who stifle this natural and necessary process.
And those who take an active role in engaging their
grief fare best of all.

I understand that, when someone is in the grips of
depression, this may sound like so many words, with
no significance. Yet depression itself is life's way
of slowing us down and attempting to bring our focus
into the pain we are resisting within us.

Simply surrendering to the process of experiencing this
pain can result in powerful transformations and renewed
wellbeing. A very simple, yet effective approach to this
is found on Raphael Cushnir's website, in his therapeutic
approach called 'Living the Questions':
http://www.livingthequestions.org/action.html

The questions are simply "What is happening right now?",
which invites us to focus on the sensations in our body
and the emotions associated with them.

And "Can I be with it?" which invites us to embrace
whatever we find, with no agenda whatsoever.

The process is explained in a new book called
'Unconditional Bliss: Finding Happiness in the Face of
Hardship', written by Raphael Cushnir and published by
Quest:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/index.html

The introduction and the first 4 chapters are here:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/chapters.html

The process is summarized here:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/theprocess.html

An example of this process in action is here:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/action.html

Raphael and the process were featured in an article
in Oprah Winfrey's 'O' Magazine, here:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/o_cover.html

Yet realize that Rapael's approach is but one of 
many, and that your first priority is to find one
that speaks to your individuality. Raphael provides
links to other resources which he recommends, here:
http://www.livingthequestions.org/resources.html

I will post this as a comment, since I am not 
directly responding to your interest in a
calculation of your life expectancy, but rather
to your ability to influence it.

If you feel that this serves as an answer to your 
concerns, let me know, and I will post it as a 
formal answer.

sublime1-ga


Searches done, via Google:

"loss of a child to suicide"
://www.google.com/search?q=%22loss+of+a+child+to+suicide%22

living the questions cushnir
://www.google.com/search?q=living+the+questions+cushnir

irishman...

nellie_bly-ga, a fellow researcher, asked that I post this
comment in her behalf, as she was unable to do so earlier:
----------------------------------------------------------

Dear Irishman-

I am terribly sorry for your loss.
When someone we love commits suicide it leaves us with many strong
feelings that range from grief and confusion to guilt and anger. We
keep asking what could we have done differently, how could they have
done this and a thousand other questions, and we never really come up
with a satisfactory answer to any of them.

All of this, of course, takes a toll on we who survive. I don't know
that anyone can put numbers to the days lost in grief or time by which
our own lives may be shortened from such extreme stress. Perhaps
another researcher will provide some statistical data. I simply wanted
to respond to you and try to share some information that might help
you in this time of devasting sorrow.

I hope you might some small measure of solace from some of them.

Nellie Bly
Google Answers Researcher



If You've Lost a Child to Suicide
http://www.aribella.com/lifeafterdeath.htm
For parents, the death of a child is probably the most painful loss
imaginable. For parents who've lost a child to suicide, the pain and
grief may be intensified. Although these feelings may never completely
go away, there are some things that survivors of suicide can do to
begin the healing process.

Maintain contact with others. Suicide can be a very isolating
experience for surviving family members because friends often don't
know what to say and how to help. Seek out supportive people with whom
you can talk about your child and your feelings. If you find that
those around you are uncomfortable talking about your child, initiate
the conversation and ask for their help.
Remember that your other family members are grieving, too, and that
everyone expresses grief in their own way. Your other children, in
particular, may try to deal with their pain alone so as not to burden
you with additional worries. Be there for each other through the
tears, anger, and silences, and, if necessary, seek help and support
together.

Expect that anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays may be difficult.
Important days and holidays often reawaken a sense of loss and
anxiety. On those days, do what's best for your emotional needs,
whether that means surrounding yourself with family and friends or
planning a quiet day of reflection.

Understand that it's normal to feel guilty and to question how this
could have happened, but it's also important to realize that you may
never get the answers you are looking for. The healing that takes
place over time comes from reaching a point of forgiveness - for both
your child and yourself.


Life After Death:
Surviving Suicide
http://www.aribella.com/lifeafterdeath.htm


HELPFUL WEB SITES

FIRST 10  SUGGESTIONS FOR
DEALING WITH GRIEF OR BEING A SURVIVOR
http://www.jaredstory.com/dealing_with_grief102.html

In Harm's Way: Suicide in America
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/publicat/harmaway.cfm

Counseling and support groups can play a tremendous role in helping
you to realize you are not alone.
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide.html


The Compassionate Friends is a exceptionally good group.
P.O. Box 3696
Oak Bridge, Illinois 60522
(312) 323-5010
(For parents who have lost a child)

Parents of Suicide Email support group
This web site provides an e-mail support group for parents whose
children have died of suicide. It is intended to provide a place where
parents can discuss, via email, the lives and deaths of their children
with other parents whose children have died by suicide.
http://www.angelfire.com/mi2/parentsofsuicide/parents.html

Survivors of Suicide Newsletters Listing and links
http://www.afspnv.org/othernl.html


Books

No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving the Suicide of a Loved One
by Carla Fine

When the Bough Breaks: Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter
by Judith R. Bernstein

Standing in the Shadow: Help and Encouragement for Suicide Survivors
-- by June Cerza Kolf

After Suicide by J.H. Hewett W
(Consoling book for suicide survivors.)

Suicide Survivors' Handbook - Expanded Edition
by Trudy Carlson


Pamphlet
Spillard, A. Grief After Suicide. Waukesha, Wisconsin: Mental Health
Association of Waukesha County, Inc., no date. (Excellent pamphlet for
suicide survivors. Send 50 cents to WMHA, 2220 Silvernail Rd.,
Pewaukee, WI 53072.