Hi there!
It sounds like his bottle is a "bedtime comfort item" to him. This is
*not* a bad thing! It's not at all unusual for toddlers to resist
giving up the bedtime bottle - it's soothing to them, makes them feel
safe, relaxed and content.
The most important thing to consider is the comfort of your son and
your own comfort with his habits. Does it bother *him* to use a
bottle right now? Does it bother *you* that he's using a bottle
before bedtime?
As the mother of two (ages 10 and 6, fast approaching 11 and 7), I've
discovered that *everybody* has an opinion about how one should raise
one's children. I've also discovered that, when it comes to your own
children, everyone else's opinion is meaningless. Every child and
every family are different, and where one family is comfortable
allowing a toddler to have his bottle until he's three, others cringe
at the idea of letting him have it past two. Neither side is ever
going to agree.
Relax. You're not doing anything wrong and neither is he. He's just
barely over two years old, hardly old enough that he needs to "grow
up" to please other people.
Why don't we have a look at what a few pediatricians have to say on
the matter of weaning?
"Many toddlers continue to nurse or have a bottle at bedtime well past
their first birthday (and some continue well past their second), so
there's nothing unusual about your son's attachment to his bottle.
What's more, most toddlers who give up sucking milk still suck
something. Children who use pacifiers, or suck their fingers or
thumbs, often keep it up through early childhood and are usually
reluctant to save it just for bedtime. One way or another, "comfort
sucking" is a central part of peaceful bedtimes for most small
children. When a child gives up this habit has nothing to do with how
"advanced" or "behind" he is."
My toddler refuses to give up the bottle. What can we do? - Penelope
Leach, PhD
http://www.babycenter.com/expert/toddler/toddlerfeeding/13364.html
[ An aside: I lived and died by Dr. Leach's "Your Baby And Child"
when I was a new mother. It was a real comfort to have her
child-centered advice quick to hand when I was confused or ready to
tear my hair out! ]
" Our culture views the bottle as infantile and the cup as
representing developmental progress and independence. Yet, I'm not
aware of evidence showing that children who continue to take a bedtime
bottle beyond age 2 turn out differently than those weaned earlier.
When children are weaned has much more to do with cultural and
personal beliefs than with science.
I vividly remember presenting one of my daughters at 14 months with a
cup of milk instead of the bottle she expected. I was greeted with an
expression of fear and rage. And although she soon independently chose
a daytime cup, she required a bottle (of water) prior to nighttime
sleep until she was almost 3 – and suffered no developmental side
effects because of it."
Ask the Pediatrician - Gil Fuld, M.D., F.A.A.P.
http://www.medem.com/medlb/article_detaillb.cfm?article_ID=ZZZRCV2OQNC&sub_cat=474#A
" Often, the older toddler who only occasionally bottle feeds doesn't
necessarily need any pressure to give up the bottle.
On the other hand, many older toddlers, once attached to the bottle,
are reluctant to give it up, and this reluctance tends to increase
with age.
[...]
Do not panic. Your son will eventually wean from the bottle although
there may be rough spots along the way. Once you begin the process of
weaning, try to resist the urge to backtrack on the progress you have
made at that point. However, remember to implement this at a time when
you anticipate the least amount of change in his life (i.e. not when
he is ill or your family is on vacation, etc.). This will optimize
your chances of success."
Weaning your toddler from a bottle
http://www.parentsplace.com/toddlers/bfeed/qas/0,10338,243646_101099,00.html
So when should you wean your toddler from his bedtime bottle? If your
focus is on child centered parenting, when you're both good and ready
for that bedtime bottle to be gone!
Really, that's the key. If your toddler isn't interested in giving it
up right now, he's just going to make everybody miserable if you try
to force the issue. Most children give it up on their own between the
ages of two and three - every child is different.
By way of example, my eldest clung to his bedtime bottle until just
before his third birthday. We had originally tried getting rid of it
at around 15 months, to get my know-it-all mother in-law off our backs
about it. It was a terrible mistake. Alex was miserable, we were
miserable, and my poor neighbors downstairs who endured his
heart-breaking wails were doubly miserable. We gave it back, and he
eventually threw it away on his own at about 33 months. His little
brother, by contrast, couldn't be bothered with any bottle *at all*
much past 13 months. Big brother didn't have one, he didn't want one
either - one night we tried to give him a bottle and he whipped it
across the room. That was that, it was a cup ever after.
The articles I excerpted above contain tips for helping you gently
break the bedtime bottle habit if you're so inclined. Additionally,
Dr. Alan Greene has written a terrific article discussing toddler
weaning:
"When a toddler or preschooler is still using a bottle to go to sleep,
there are two patterns that must be overcome. First, she has chosen
the bottle as her special comfort object to help her with the
transition from a wakeful state to a sleep state. Secondly, this
choice has become a deeply ingrained habit. Weaning her from the
bottle will require either finding an effective substitute, or using
tremendous force to break the patterns."
Tips For Weaning Your Child From A Bedtime Bottle
http://www.drgreene.com/21_628.html
Three books I couldn't have survived without when I began the grand
adventure of mothering:
What to Expect the Toddler Years
by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi E. Murkoff (Introduction), Sandee E.
Hathaway
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0894809946/qid%3D1045027305/104-8405310-1121524
Your Baby and Child: From Birth to Age Five
by Penelope Leach
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0375700005/qid%3D1045027411/104-8405310-1121524
Touchpoints: Your Child's Emotional and Behavioral Development
by T. Berry Brazelton M.D.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/020162690X/104-8405310-1121524
Don't fret. The boy is perfectly normal!
If you need further assistance, please don't hesitate to ask for
clarification. I'll be glad to help.
--Missy
Search terms: [ bedtime bottle weaning toddler ] and nearly 11 years
of hands-on experience. |
