We seek a researcher with first rate direct response and web
copywriting skills to polish the text on our main page at
http://www.emachineshop.com . We are not seeking articles on the
subject but rather a copy edit. We want to keep approximately the
current length of text. We want the site to be immediately clear about
what we do and sell the benefit of our service in an effective way.

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Request for Question Clarification by kyrie26-ga on 14 Feb 2003 12:28 PST

Hi swisscheese-ga,

Please have a look at the site http://www.jobsvolution.ca . What do
you think of the copy on this site? If it meets your standards let me
know and we'll take it from there.

Thanks,

kyrie26-ga

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Clarification of Question by swisscheese-ga on 14 Feb 2003 13:33 PST

Hi kyrie26 - I like the graphics but IMHO the copy is OK but not
great. - swisscheese

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Request for Question Clarification by jbf777-ga on 15 Feb 2003 14:21 PST

Hey swisscheese-ga,
  
I worked on your other question regarding the critique of the layout
of your site.
 
I'm going to post this as a clarification request, and let me know if
it's what you're looking for.  I'll then post it as an answer if
you're satisfied.
  
Need a custom part?  Need it fast?  Look no further.  eMachineShop is
the point-and-click answer to getting the custom parts you need right
now.  Simply download our free design software, draw up your design
specifications, and click to order -- your part will be machined and
delivered to you at twice the speed and half the cost of conventional
walk-in methods.
 
With its intelligent design software, instant exact price quotes, and
expert feedback, eMachineShop is the cutting edge [or leading,
revolutionary, state-of-the-art, unrivaled] approach to custom
machining.  See below to get started.
 
[read: .. delivered to you at X the speed and Y the cost -- where X
and Y are whatever the difference actually is.]
 
jbf777-ga
GA researcher

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Clarification of Question by swisscheese-ga on 15 Feb 2003 14:44 PST

Hi jbf777 - Sold. Right on target. Again. I'll probably use some of
yours and some of the existing copy but you gave a good new angle to
work with. Kindly polish the 3 captions also. - swisscheese

Glad you like it!  Here's a repost, with additional info:

Need a custom part?  Need it fast?  Look no further.  eMachineShop is
the point-and-click answer to getting the custom parts you need right
now.  Simply download our free design software, draw up your design
specifications, and click to order -- your part will be machined and
delivered to you at twice the speed and half the cost of conventional
walk-in methods.
  
With its intelligent design software, instant exact price quotes, and
expert feedback, eMachineShop is the cutting edge [or leading,
revolutionary, state-of-the-art, unrivaled] approach to custom
machining.  See below to get started.
  
[read: .. delivered to you at X the speed and Y the cost -- where X
and Y are whatever the difference actually is.]


What I might do is remove all clickable links in the 1, 2, 3 area,
because it might be a little confusing to the user.  I.e., as a user,
should I click on the "Download" link in caption #1, or should I click
on "Get Started?"  Don't quite know what the best option is.  "Get
Started" is really where you want the user to go.  I'd make that quite
a bit larger and have more space above and below it.  I'd also get rid
of all the text below and put 2 convenient "Who uses eMachineShop" and
"Why use eMachineShop" links in there [much smaller].  Or you could
just do "Why use eMachineShop" and then include all that information
in that link.  Or perhaps just a "Tell me more" link.

Some of that text can be incorporated into the captions.

Caption #1
Download the FREE easy-to-use design software.  You'll be designing in
minutes and get feedback on your design in seconds.  [not quite sure
what the second sentence means?  has a real nice sound to it, but
feedback in what way?]

Caption #2
Use the software to draw your design -- or import your existing one. 
Choose which machining approach, materials, and finishing options you
require.  Anything from aluminum to nylon can be machined and finished
per your specifications, using our state-of-the-art equipment.  You'll
also see an instant price quote.

Caption #3
At the click of your mouse, your order is safely sent by the web for
manufacturing.  Delivery can be as quick as <overnight?>.  It's that
easy.


Let me know if you need any additional info..

jbf777-ga
GA Researcher

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Clarification of Answer by jbf777-ga on 15 Feb 2003 17:35 PST

Btw, I might change that one sentence to read:

...your part will be machined and delivered to your door at twice the
speed and half the cost of conventional walk-in methods.

[changed "to you" to "to your door"]