My wife and I recently received an invitation from my boss to her
son's Bar Mitzvah.  Unfortunately, we will not be able to attend. 
What is the appropriate thing to do regarding a Bar Mitzvah gift? 
Should we send a gift or a card?  Is sending money appropriate?  If
so, how  much?  I have only met her son once and my wife has never met
my boss or her son.  We are not "friends", just business aquaintances.
 We are not Jewish and I haven't been to a Bar Mitzvah in 30 years--so
we are a little out of touch with the protocol here.  Can you tell us
the most appropriate course of action and why?

Hello,

First of all, congratulations to your business aquaintance's son for
reaching this important rite of passgage in his life. This will be a
happy time for his family and his parents, and I'm sure that your gift
will be much appreciated. Taken from a FAQ from a newsgroup centered
around Jewish customs and religions, Jewish books other ceremonial
objects or ritual objects are most traditional gifts to be given at a
Bar Mitzvah, but money and other material gifts are replacing them in
this modern society. You have to gauge just how traditional you think
their family is, and then select a gift from the list linked to below
accordingly. Should you choose to give the gift of money, a simple
card would be appropriate as you can find Bar Mitzvah cards at pretty
much any Hallmark store, and a gift of $50-$60 is nice. Also, I gave
two links to Jewish Giftstores online which you will be better able to
get a "feel" of what more traditional gifts are, but remember one
thing, you're giving them a gift for their celebration, and as such,
any gift you give should be received with good intentions. So don't
worry too much about offending them. One last thing, if they are very
traditional, pay attention to the suggestion at the end of the FAQ
page:

"Lastly, you should not bring your gift with you to the ceremony (if
it is held Friday evening or before sundown on Saturday), especially
if you know the child is from a traditional Jewish household. For
those that follow traditional halacha, carrying is forbidden on
Shabbat [there are some exceptions, but as those vary from community
to community, its just best not to carry at all]."


Additional Links:

soc.culture.jewish FAQ on Bar Mitzvah's (Gifts):
http://www.faqs.org/faqs/judaism/FAQ/12-Kids/section-34.html

Bar Mitzvah Etiquette For Catholics:
http://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/parents/msg0117071223621.html

Sample Gifts:
http://www.alljudaica.com/catalog.asp?ssec=Gift%2FRitual&cat=Bar+%26+Bat+Mitzvah

More Sample Gifts:
http://www.mazornet.com/jewishcl/barmitzvahgifts.htm


Search Strategy:

jewish bar mitzvah gift appropriate
://www.google.com/search?q=jewish+bar+mitzvah+gift+appropriate

bar mitzvah gift customs:
://www.google.com/search?q=bar+mitzvah+gift+customs


Hope I answered your question!
skermit-ga

---

Clarification of Answer by skermit-ga on 04 Jun 2002 02:18 PDT

Was my answer satisfactory for your needs? I have not received a
rating for it yet. Thank you for your question, it was a pleasure
answering it. 

skermit-ga

Quote:

       http://www.jewfaq.org/alephbet.htm

"Because of [the] system of assigning numerical values to letters,
every word has a numerical value. There is an entire discipline of
Jewish mysticism known as Gematria that is devoted to finding hidden
meanings in the numerical values of words. For example, the number 18
is very significant, because it is the numerical value of the word
Chai, meaning life. Donations to Jewish charities are routinely made
in denominations of 18 for that reason."

If you intend to give money, it might be nice to make the amount
either $18 or some multiple thereof.

My wife and I attended a Bar Mitzvah and a Bat Mitzvah a few years ago
for some friends of ours. Like you, we didn't have much experience in
what an appropriate gift would be. My wife decided to get a <a
href="www.vermonteddybear.com/bar-mitzvah-gifts-ideas.html">Bar
Mitzvah Gift</a> from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. The gift was so
well received we later got a <a
href="www.vermonteddybear.com/bat-mitzvah-gifts-ideas.html">Bat
Mitzvah Gift</a> for their daughter, which was just as perfect, it
turned out.

My wife and I attended a Bar Mitzvah and a Bat Mitzvah a few years ago
for some friends of ours. Like you, we didn't have much experience in
what an appropriate gift would be. My wife decided to get a Bar
Mitzvah Gift at ( http://www.vermonteddybear.com/bar-mitzvah-gifts-ideas.html
) from the Vermont Teddy Bear Company. The gift was so well received
we later got a Bat Mitzvah Gift (
http://www.vermonteddybear.com/bat-mitzvah-gifts-ideas.html ) for
their daughter, which was just as perfect, it turned out.