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Factors that Effect Adjustment
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There are numerous factors, which effect how children are able to
cope with divorce. Some of those factors we can influence through our
own actions, others we may have no control over. Researchers have
estimated that the period of adjustment for families can range
anywhere from one to three years, and sometimes even as long as five,
depending on the circumstances surrounding the divorce.
It is important for parents to realize children will have different
types of reactions. Some may be short-term reactions that are in
response to the crisis nature of divorce. Others may be long-term
reactions that could be either positive or negative depending again on
how parents are able to help their children.
Some factors that may effect adjustment are:
Level of conflict between parents
How parents adjust to divorce
Information children are given regarding the divorce
Level of support available to child
Childs personality
Childs ability to deal with stress
Age and developmental level of children
Level of conflict between parents
One of the most significant factors affecting the adjustment of
children is the level of conflict between parents. Exposing children
to constant fighting, criticism of the other parent or heated custody
battles can be very damaging. When parents are able to put their
individual differences aside and cooperate, adjustment of the children
will significantly improve
One of the largest determining factors in how well children adjust to
divorce is how well parents adjust to divorce. Children will look to
their parents for signs that the family can and will get through this.
Therefore, parents need to role model appropriate and healthy ways to
deal with the many feelings that surround divorce.
To assure your children receive information that is supportive and
helpful, keep the following factors in mind.
Be sure children know they are loved and that the divorce is not their
fault.
Keep information age appropriate
Address children immediate concerns (i.e., where are we going to live,
will I go to the same school...?)
Minimize conflict with other parent. Avoid verbal retaliations.
Never discuss grownup issues with children such as court matters,
child support, finances or intimate details regarding the divorce.
Avoid placing blame on the other parent or telling children your side
of the story
Children will respond to situations and circumstance in a variety of
ways. Even children within the same family are going to respond to
divorce differently. Some children are better able to cope with
stressful situations; others may deal with stress by acting out or
withdrawing. Most importantly pay attention to the clues your child is
giving you through their behaviour. If you are noticing drastic
changes in their behaviour or if the behaviour is persistent (lasting
6 months or longer) consider seeking out professional help.
Fortunately there is little difference between a child of divorce and
a child of an intact two-parent family. Thus, many children continue
to develop in a psychologically healthy way. Be aware that this is a
general analysis. In individual cases, the effects can be
significantly different.
PARENTAL BEHAVIORS TO BE AVOIDED:
Conflict: Children perceive post-divorce conflict as continued
divisiveness, thus extending the divorce trauma.
Greater inconsistency in parenting: After a divorce, parents tend to
have different expectations from the child than they had before the
divorce. Additionally, the parents' own emotions and desire to not
further harm the child may affect how they parent. For the sake of the
child, the parents need to present a consistent environment that
reflects an effective parenting style.
Less supportive behaviour toward the child: Post-divorce, the child
likely needs more emotional support than ever before. It is also a
time when parents often become less available. Parents need to make a
conscious effort to support the child's needs.
Using the child as a weapon against the other parent: Unfortunately,
parents are often caught up in their own emotional battle with each
other. Parents filled with anger have a tendency to do whatever it
takes to put the other parent at a disadvantage. This may include
saying inappropriate things to the child and threatening the other
parent's rights and desires with their ability to see the child. This
places the child in an unfortunate position and may cause great
emotional distress.
Parental alienation: Sometimes one parent tries to diminish the role
of the other parent by belittling that parent to the child. Whether
for psychological or custody reasons, the parent will behave in a way
so that the child will resist a continued relationship with the other
parent. This can have serious detrimental effects on the child.
WHAT YOU MIGHT EXPECT FROM YOUR CHILD:
GENERAL FACTORS THAT AFFECT THE SEVERITY OF THE TRAUMA
The following statements are generalizations. While some will be true
for a given individual case, they will not all be true in all cases.
Quality of relationship: More trauma can be expected if the child had
a close relationship to the non-custodial parent before the divorce.
It should be noted that some people think that if the child has a high
quality relationship with the custodial parent, that might overcome
the stress of a poor quality relationship with the other parent or
even conflict between the parents. However, Lutzke et al (1996) found
that this is not the case. In fact, it appears important for the child
to have a good relationship with both parents.
Perceptions of the home environment: The age of the child is a big
factor in terms of how he/she perceives what is going on during a
divorce. Additionally, the home environment also effects the child's
perceptions. Research suggests that many children perceived the home
as satisfactory previous to the divorce. Some research suggests that
if a child has misidentified an unhappy home as a happy one, then s/he
will be more likely to have a severe reaction to the divorce. On the
other hand, children who were aware that their home was unhappy before
the divorce were more likely to believe the divorce was best for all
concerned. Also, children who were from homes where open conflict was
low generally had better outcomes than children from openly
high-conflict homes.
Gender of the child: It is important to remember that kids tend to go
to teachers for emotional support, something that's easier for girls
than for boys. Another effect is that boys may experience more trauma
because their same-sex role model is more likely to disengage.
Reactions for boys include the following: 1) boys exhibit lower levels
of socially competent behaviour than girls (the boys are more
demanding, noncompliant, aggressive, less mature, and have more
interpersonal problems); 2) boys tend to receive more punitive and
inconsistent behaviour from custodial parents; 3) boys tend to have
more problems in school, problems with acting out, aggression,
opposition and impulsivity.
Relationship between the parents: The most important factor in
evaluating the severity of divorce is the conflict between parents.
Unfortunately, divorce can lead to even more conflict between some
couples.
Remarriage: While a parent remarrying often offers a financial
advantage, as well as increased parental supervision and support,
there is little evidence that the child's behaviour and achievement
improve as a result of the remarriage.
Age of the child: While research is controversial, the age of the
child often affects the level of trauma. The age of the child suggests
different possible perceptions.
Psychological Effects for Children
Quick Checklist:
Denial of divorce.
A sense of loss.
Feeling rejected.
Loneliness.
Anger.
Conflicted loyalties.
Somatic complaints
. COMMON BEHAVIOUR PROBLEMS OF CHILDREN OF DIVORCE:
As a result of the divorce and the psychological effects, the child
may begin to act out. Increased misbehaviour may become apparent at
home or at school. Behavior problems to watch out for include the
following:
Academic problems
Aggression towards parents (e.g., following visits to the
non-residential parent, the children may behave inappropriately upon
returning home
Alcohol and drug involvement
Increased sexual behaviours
POSSIBLE LONG-TERM EFFECTS
While divorce is often painful for all involved, longitudinal research
about the effects of divorce is positive. Such studies have found that
the severe problems seen following divorce are often diminished two
years later. Nonetheless, there is evidence of continued problems
years after the divorce. Not surprisingly, the likelihood of long-term
problems is much higher if parental conflict is high. Examples include
1) poor relationships with parents; 2) high levels of problem
behaviour; 3) increased likelihood of dropping out of school.
Education: Researchers have found that children of divorce tend to end
their educations earlier than children of intact two-parent families.
This especially holds true for women. One theory is that there is less
financial support from the parents, having a more severe impact on the
women than the men. The reduced education may have broad ranging
effects.
The Sleeper Effect: Some children grow up to experience problems in
their own romantic relationships as a result or being a child of
divorce. As a consequence of the divorce, they may fear the potential
for betrayal in a relationship, rather than embracing commitment.
INTERVENTIONS
Other Interventions
Quick Checklist:
Individual therapy for parents to learn how to stabilize the
environment.
Individual therapy for children regarding their feelings about
the divorce.
Group therapy for parents and/or children.
Consider joint physical custody.
A. AGE AND THERAPEUTIC INTERVENTIONS:
For preschoolers, interventions should concentrate on the parents in
the form of a family-focused intervention. The sessions should
concentrate on communicating with the child and trying to stabilize
the child's environment. The therapy may also emphasize parenting
skills and reducing conflict. For young elementary children, the child
should be involved in the therapeutic intervention. Children of this
age tend to not want to talk about the divorce. Thus, discussing the
issue indirectly (e.g., I know another child of divorce who felt
unhappy) might be most effective. Older children are more successful
with direct interventions. The children have more success in
recognizing and communicating their feelings about divorce.
B. GROUP THERAPY:
In this setting, children meet on a regular basis with other children
and a counsellor. During the session, the children share feelings and
experiences. They learn about problem-solving skills and offer peer
support.
C. JOINT CUSTODY:
Assuming the parents believe they can continue a joint physical
custody arrangement without conflict, researchers believe this is
usually the best situation for the child. With this arrangement, the
child retains maximum parental support, both emotionally and
financially
Addl. info:
Effect of divorce on children
http://www.parentkidsright.com/links/effect_of_divorce_on_children.html
Painful legacy of divorce
http://www.healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/Site/story_divorced_parents.htm
Search term:
Divorce
Hope above answers your question.
Warm regards,
Solutionpro_ga |
