Hello jvic~
Thank you for requesting me; it's terrific to know that my last Answer
for you was so helpful. (Makes my day!)
Now, on to business:
When I go to your home page, I can't help but wish there was a more
definite place to start reading. A headline, centered, and in larger,
bolder font would do the trick. Just the words "The Small Business
Consumer Centre" would do the work fine.
Next, I found myself trying to read the green headlines as part of the
beginning paragraphs. This, of course, makes no sense. (For example, I
tried to read it: "Your Business need money to fund your small
business in Canada?") To remedy this, I'd put periods after each green
headline. I'd also drop the body of the paragraph down. For example:
Your Business.
Need money to fund your small business in Canada?
Throughout the website, I found some of the writing quite awkward.
This was partly due to lack of commas where they ought to be, so watch
out for that. Also, the "and" symbol (&) should only be used in
headlines, not in the body of the text. In addition, exclamation
points should be kept to a minimum. This may all seem persnickety, but
the quality of writing and punctuation really reflects on the quality
and professionalism of a business.
The opening (home page) paragraphs should be especially strong, since
these will inspire visitors to either click away from the site, or
continue reading. You might try these re-writes:
"Your Business.
Need money to fund your small business in Canada? Whether it's for new
equipment, fixtures, renovations, training, advertising, or to hire
staff, we can show you where to find the funds you need. Check out our
free, custom report on your business.
Your Government.
In 2002, the government set aside more than 120 billion dollars in
funding programs for small businesses like yours. If you're eligible,
money is available to stimulate the economy, and help you start,
expand, or improve your business.
Your Money.
Whether you need $100 or $100,000, don't miss out on the opportunity
to take advantage of what your government has to offer. Give your
business the boost it needs; knowing where to apply gives you a real
advantage.
Your Move.
Which agencies have funds, and what they are designated for? What do
you need to do to apply and be approved? We have the answers. It's as
simple as mailing your application and, if approved, cashing the
cheque when it arrives! Below are interviews (paraphrased) of actual
recipients."
Notice that I changed the last sentence under "Your Money." The
original last sentence was more of a "hard sell" than I, personally,
respond well to.
The photographs, again, provide a nice touch and assure the visitor
that yes, this can happen to someone "like me." The photos of property
are also great, as are the testimonies.
Being that I'm a small business owner, and I love free stuff, the
first link I clicked was "custom report." Unfortunately, I was
disappointed with the result. I had expected a truly custom report on
my business. But what's provided is a report on businesses like mine,
in my general area. Big difference. The more general information is
still helpful, but I fear you run the risk of annoying a potential
customer by making them think you're promising one thing, but offering
something quite different. Therefore, I would change the wording of
the link. You might try "a report customized to your type of business
and location," for example.
Because this report is basically a freebie (and I'm a strong believer
that Internet users still love--and expect--freebies), you might want
to add an additional link to this section on your home page. For
example, you might say at the end of "Your Money:
"Give your business the boost it needs; knowing where to apply gives
you a real advantage. Check out our free report for just a hint of
what's available." (Add the link to the last sentence.)
I really like how the resulting report has an *exact* number of
applicable programs, shown very clearly at the top of the page in
yellow highlight. I also appreciate the sample program, but because
Internet readers often skim, rather than read thoroughly, it might be
beneficial to put the words "Sample Program" centered, in bold, larger
type, just under the highlighted section. This makes it very clear
that this isn't the only program available, but just one of them.
When I clicked on the "Funding Programs" link, I found much more than
I expected. There's lots of great information here, so you might want
to include another link to this page on your home page--perhaps under
"Your Move."
I appreciate the last paragraph under "Funding Programs." In the same
size type, you tell potential customers how to contact you. This is
classy and not too pushy or "hard sell," which I think is excellent.
The "FAQ" page starts off with a confusing paragraph. You might try
instead: "Here, we answer many questions entrepreneurs like yourself
have asked us over the years. If you don't see the answer to your
question below, please drop us a line, toll free, at 1 (800) 667-1493;
it's your comments and questions that drive our research team to
develop new resources for Canadian businesses like yours!"
The "About Us" section is a good addition. Could you personalize it a
bit--perhaps with a photo of the staff? This would be a nice tie-in
with the photos on the home page. I find the text here a bit
confusing. You might try instead:
"The Small Business Consumer Centre is a research organization
established in 1992 to fill an information gap about government monies
available to new and existing businesses.
Our researchers found that while there was information available on
government financing, finding and organizing it to a business' best
advantage was difficult and time consuming. In many cases,
comprehensive government financing information isn't even available
from the various levels of government; as with many government
departments, one program often doesn't know of the others
existence--even if that program is just "down the hall."
There's a lot of information out there on government financing, but
not in a single, comprehensive, detailed, and searchable source. At
least, not until The Small Business Consumer Centre was established.
Each year, our centre helps thousands of Canadian entrepreneurs, just
like you, cut red tape and access the funds they need to upgrade and
expand their businesses."
In the "Research Archive" section, I think the text could use
rephrasing, also:
"To assist in making government funds more transparent, our team of
researchers are undertaking an ambitious survey project. New results
are posted all the time!
We are now collecting case studies on all Federal level granting
agencies (we will be moving on to provincial as well). We're compiling
the statistics in a historical database that examines the experience
of grant/loan recipients. The culture of government money is very
particular, and knowing what other businesses go through to acquire
their funds can better prepare you to approach the government on your
own behalf."
Deep in the "Research" section, I discovered that you also offer a
free newsletter. As I've already stated, people like free stuff (!),
so I'd suggest providing a more obvious link to this resource on your
home page. You might, for example, put the words "Free Newsletter"
under "Contact Us" in the green, left hand side menu. The newsletter
archive will also be a bonus to potential customers.
Overall, the layout of the site is good. The graphics are clean and
pleasing to my eye. With the tabs on top and the menu to the left, the
site is easy to navigate. Information on how to contact your company
is readily available on almost every page, yet the site is never pushy
or "hard sell" (except where noted above). It's excellent that
potential customers can either call a toll free number for more
information, or fill out an online form. The site map is also a great
addition.
My most major suggestion is to clean up the writing, paying attention
to punctuation. Polish that up, and I think you'll have a site to be
very proud of.
Hope this helps!
kriswrite |
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