Hello holguinero,
Thank you for your question.
I had not thought of this approach to dividing duties and
responsibilities before. I found it both an interesting idea and an
interesting question to research.
The Relationship Library has a "pay for download" article for $2 that
seems very appropriate to your question:
http://www.couples-place.com/articles/1ds_NewArticleDetailFrom1.asp?articleNum=541
541 " Divide the Household Responsibilities Fairly "
DESCRIPTION:
Marriage is a relationship, but it is also an enterprise. The marital
enterprise involves household chores and responsibilities that must be
met. Whether or not the responsibilities are allocated fairly clearly
affects the wellbeing of the relationship. This article focuses on
dividing up the chores - fairly. It includes directions for a chart
that couples can use to inventory household chores, determine who does
them, and make changes when they are needed in the interests of
fairness.
This seems highly targeted for you. You can also download 10 articles
for $11.95 and some of their other related topics include:
501 " How Couples Decide Who Takes Which Responsibilities "
DESCRIPTION:
It begins as an attraction; progresses to a relationship; and, once
you're married, in short order becomes an enterprise. First you get
the marriage started. Then you have to maintain it. Quite a bit of
"maintaining" is the ordinary "whose responsibility is it?" stuff. Who
gets up with the baby? Who pays the bills? Who gets the car repaired?
This article surveys the various methods by which couples decide who
assumes what responsibilities. Knowing those methods increases choice.
Perhaps your relationship can find a better way.
43 " Disagreements About Household Chores "
DESCRIPTION:
If everyone agrees that household responsibilities must be met, why
then is there so much strife around getting the work done - so many
arguments, so much nagging, so many yes-I-will-do-it promises that are
regularly broken? This article explores possible reasons for the
conflicts about managing the household chores. The reasons include -
ingrained prejudices about sex roles and domestic responsibilities,
resentment involved in the boss-employee approach to chores, and
different priorities when time is limited.
41 " Shared Authority in Relationships "
DESCRIPTION:
Both partners suffer when one becomes the dominant authority on the
relationship and the other person accepts the ignorant, subservient
role. Often the man plays the ignorant one and the woman the expert.
However, as this article points out, in healthy relationships neither
partner has the right to claim special knowledge of the other's
motivation, attitudes, needs, shortcomings or problems - nor special
knowledge of what makes for a good relationship. The article describes
steps that partners can take to achieve equality of authority and
participation in their relationship.
This could be a most excellent resource for you. Since the articles
are "pay per view", I did not investigate the ultimate quality of the
material the offer.
If, or when a child becomes part of the equation, you might wish to
visit this site:
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/446.html?adcode=MSNWC:EDI:ART:PRE:DTC
Sex & Relationships: Life With a Baby
Marriage: Dividing the duties
Approved by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
Can two working parents truly share the burden of home and family? If
you're willing to spend time talking about each partner's needs (and
don't forget the children and the house), you may come pretty close.
You can begin figuring out what's fair - and who should do what - with
the tips below.
MarriageBuilders.com has the following article:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5045_qa.html
How to Divide Domestic Responsibilities (Part 1)
Introduction: Most of the letters I receive reflect marital disaster.
Complaints of physical abuse and infidelity are common. But there are
more mundane issues that, if ignored, can lead to marital disaster.
One of these issues is the division of domestic responsibilities.
I introduce this issue with two short letters, one from a wife and the
other from a husband. Since my answers to both letter were so similar,
this week I will post only one answer to both letters...
The answer to these letters contains quite a bit of valuable
information as regards your question. I'll excerpt just a bit:
"Step 1: Identify your household responsibilities.
First, make a list of all of your household responsibilities including
child care. The list should (1) name each responsibility, (2) briefly
describe what must be done, and when, to accomplish it, (3) name the
spouse that wants it accomplished and (4) how important is it to that
spouse (use a scale from 1-5, with 1 least important and 5 most
important)...
...Step 2: Assume responsibility for items that you would enjoy doing
or prefer doing yourself.
Make a second copy of your final list, so that both you and your
spouse can have your own copy. Then, independently of each other, put
your own name in front of each item that you would like to do
yourself. These are tasks that you would enjoy doing, don't mind
doing, or want to do yourself so they can be done a certain way...
...Step 3: Assign the remaining responsibilities to the one wanting
each done the most.
Assuming that all tasks you would not mind doing have been eliminated,
we are left with those that would be unpleasant for either of you to
perform. These are items that neither of you want to do, but at least
one of you thinks should be done.
These unpleasant responsibilities should be assigned to the person who
wants them done. If both of you want something done, the one giving it
the highest value should take responsibility for doing it..."
The entire article offers good suggestions and a link in this article
points to another valuable page on the site:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html
"The Policy of Joint Agreement
When in the state of Intimacy, both spouses want the other to be
happy, and neither spouse wants to see the other hurt. In the state of
Conflict, both spouses want to be happy and neither wants to see
themselves hurt. Actually, both objectives are important, and that's
why I created a negotiating rule to achieve those important objectives
regardless of the state of mind spouses happen to be in. I call it the
Policy of Joint Agreement -- it takes the best from the advice of both
our Giver and our Taker..."
Very interesting reading.
About.com has an article and quite a few links on this subject:
http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa091500a.htm
"Chores, chores, chores
Dividing up the Household Duties
If you ask women what one of their top stresses is, most will respond
that it is the fact that their husbands don't want to do their share
of work around the house. When either one of the partners are unhappy
about the allocation of household chores, the stress level in the home
will increase tremendously. Conflict over domestic duties around the
house is second only to conflict over money in a marriage. Many
surveys and studies point out that even though many women work outside
the home, they still tend to do most of the household chores...
...Courtney Ronan writes that according to an MSNBC survey,
Respondents were asked if the chores in their households were
performed by just one person or if they were shared. The results were
telling: 74 percent of men said the chores were shared; 51 percent of
women said chores were shared. Twenty-six percent of men said one
person did the housework; 49 percent of the women said the same..."
Hmmm.
The article continues with the following list of links:
http://marriage.about.com/library/weekly/aa091500b.htm
More Resources on Household Chore Division
Divvying Up Those Dreaded Household Chores
Examination of the belief that wives handle most of the household
chores.
Gender Gap in Household Chores
Study done by a Swarthmore College sociology professor has found that
married women continue to do the bulk of the chores. Any one
surprised?
Her Husband Refuses to Help With Household Chores
At the Fence's response to a woman's plea for help.
Making Peace Over Household Chores
Suggestions from the Mayo Clinic.
Spend Less Time Doing Household Chores
Strategies for saving time.
To Save Time by Cutting Back on 10 Household Chores
Ten tips to save you time.
Tug-O-War for Household Chores
A creative game plan for couples.
The last analyses and attacks the problem in a unique manner:
http://marriage.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?site=http://hanson.gmu.edu/tugowar.html
"Tug-O-War for Household Chores
by Robin Hanson
To counter all these weighty political suggestions, here's a less
ambitious alternative.
A common problem is how to divide up household chores between two or
more house-mates. One approach is to divide up chores by type, and
permanently assign each person certain recurring tasks. Another
approach is to divide up by time, so that, for example, three people
do the dusting once every three weeks on a regular rotation.
Task division requires more effort to figure out which tasks are how
much work and for whom, but allows specialization. Both approaches are
fairly inflexible, however, in the work load required each week.
Attempts to allow exceptions, such as for sickness or deadlines, often
slip into large-scale shirking.
When both my wife and I were employed, we split the task of cooking
(or picking up) the evening meal with a "Tug-O-War" board, like:
---------------------------------------
|h /#\ | h|
|i 0 0 ### 0 0 0 0 e|
|m \#/ | r|
---------------------------------------
This has a row of seven holes, with a peg sitting in one of them. The
rule is that when you cook, you get to move the peg one step in your
direction. If the peg gets all the way to your end, the other person
*has* to cook. Now you can cook a few nights in a row if you feel
energetic, or wait a few nights if you're sick. If neither of you
wants to cook, the person farther down is expected to cook..."
Interesting, no?
Here is a page that might be helpful from a household / relationship
of 6 people:
http://www.ourlittlequad.com/chorechart.html
"Polyamory and Chores
Don't laugh too hard at this. I know chore charts are as dippy as can
be, but with six people and six different schedules, it seems to be
the way to make sure the house doesn't get to be too much of a wreck.
I wish I could say that we are meticulous about following this. We're
not. Deadlines and a kid's broken leg will distract from perfect
chore performance.
But, be that as it may, we do post this silly thing on the fridge
every week. Each person who performs a chore just takes her marker
color (The Goddess of Giggle uses purple, I use pink, The Prince uses
green and The Beast uses yellow, if anyone cares), and highlights that
particular chore. It becomes fairly evident who does what and tends
to be self-correcting to make sure chores get done and everyone is
doing his share. We don't fight about housework, I am happy to say. "
Do view their chart.
Search Strategy:
divide marriage responsibilities
divide OR division +marriage +responsibilities OR chores +chart OR
plan OR list OR method OR tool
divide OR division OR dividing OR share +chores +chart OR plan OR list
OR method OR tool
I trust my research has provided a quality list of pages and articles
with methods and solutions for dividing the chores in a relationship
with equality. If a link above should fail to work or anything require
further explanation or research, please do post a Request for
Clarification prior to rating the answer and closing the question and
I will be pleased to assist further.
Regards,
-=clouseau=- |
