The important thing here is really not your boyfriend's true
preference but the way you feel about yourself when you are sexually
active with him. In sharing sexual activity with someone, a person is
emotionally vulnerable because intimacy is a very personal gift from
one individual to another.
There *are* straight men who prefer "backdoor stimulation" and they
can be 100% straight in their preference to be with a woman. The
reason for the excitement stems from stimulation of the male prostate
gland which is located just inside the male anus. It's sometimes
referred to as the male G-spot. "Go Ask Alice" has an enlightening
answer regarding this at http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1490.html.
Other links where you may read about this are located at:
The "Male G-Spot"
Understanding the Prostate Gland
What is the prostate gland and what's it for?
The Prostate and Pleasure
However, even if he is straight, you seem to be uncomfortable with his
continued preference for this type of sexual activity and I believe
your sensual needs should also be met. When love for another person
is involved, it's sometimes difficult to converse about sexual
activity and the way it makes a person feel. You should be able to
know you are desirable in all ways, not just when you employ a sexual
I do not believe you are inhibited, you simply do not prefer his
insistence that sex always be all about anal stimulation. There is
nothing wrong with your unease and there is nothing wrong with his
preference - but you do need a balance and it appears only his needs
are being met. Your needs are equally important.
It is central to any woman's (or man's) self-image that they feel
attractive in all ways when opening themselves to sexual intimacy. It
may be akward at first, but I suggest you initiate a conversation
about this with him and explain to him what you have stated here.
Tell him his preference is making you suspect that perhaps he wants
another man instead of you - tell him of your love/caring for him and
ask that he see you as a delectable partner *without* any sexual toys.
Relate to him that you feel like a performer instead of a partner and
this makes you question his true interest in you, and it is causing
you to question his true sexual preference. Yes, it will be a risk
because you may not receive the answer you are seeking but you deserve
to feel empowered in your sensual image of yourself. Currently, that
does not seem to be the case.
When you speak to him about this, speak from your heart and
communicate to him wihout blaming him for anything. If your intent is
clear in this, he will hear your concern and examine his behavior *if*
he is an honorable man. If he chooses to toss it off or if he tells
you "well, that's what gets me off" then it may be that you will
choose to toss him off and find a lover who cares for you because of
who you are and not because you have to strap on a toy to get a rise
out of him.
This is a delicate situation for you, I know, but I believe you have
the right to pursue *your* happiness just as he has the right to
pursue his. In a relationship, there must be balance and your
situation seems off kilter and skewed in his favor. Your sexual
activity with him should not be totally focused on his prostate.
In my life, I have oftentimes made the mistake of ignoring my gut
instinct and, every time, my gut instinct proved to be right. So, if
you are feeling a gut reaction, you should explore it thoroughly. The
only way to know for certain if your boyfriend is bisexual or gay is
to encourage him to have conversation with you on the matter. The
sexual activity you describe certainly sounds suspect for that
conclusion. Also, the health-related risks for you, if he is
bisexual, could be *deadly* so it is paramount that you know his true
intent and feeling for you.
Should you require clarification of any of the links or information I
have provided, please request it and I will be happy to respond. I'll
also be happy to continue dialogue here with you so feel free to use
the Clarification feature for this. I'm also going to request
comments from my fellow Researchers because I believe you should have
other supportive views in this matter.
anal stimulation men
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