Hi holguinero,
What a sad thing to have to deal with. And most unfortunately, a
*common* thing these days - suicide is the third leading cause of
death among 15 - 24 year olds, and some estimate that a person in this
age bracket kills himself every hour and 45 minutes. Other estimates
indicate that 80% of young people have seriously considered suicide,
and 60% have attempted it. That's a lot of desperately hurting young
people.
A quick disclaimer: Some of the sites I've drawn information from are
faith based sites. I do not mean to offend you if you aren't
Christian (I'm a pagan, myself), these sites simply offer high quality
and compassionate information on a difficult and scary subject. Your
friend should be able to tailor the information as necessary to be
appropriate for a school setting.
The first step in prevention is recognizing the warning signs that a
young person may be suicidal:
"Talking about suicide
· Having trouble eating or sleeping
· Experiencing drastic changes in behavior
· Withdrawing from friends and social activities
· Losing interest in hobbies, work or school
· Preparing for death by giving away prized possessions
· Taking unnecessary risks
· Having had a recent severe loss
· Being preoccupied with death and dying
· Losing interest in personal appearance
· Increasing the usage of alcohol or other drugs"
Talking With Teens About Suicide
http://www.faithlinks.org/viewarticle.asp?ID=601
" * frequent naps or excessive sleep
* drug or alcohol abuse
* an obsession with death (poems, music, drawings)
* jokes about suicide
* history of suicide in the family
* traumatic experiences such as pregnancy or relationship problems
* suddenly giving away prized possessions"
The Tragedy of Teen Suicide
http://teenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/teensuicide.htm
It's worth noting that no single one of these warning signs is
indicative of a teen considering suicide, but several together can be
and usually are.
So what to do about this?
The most important thing anyone can do is *talk* about it and
*listen*. Contrary to popular belief, talking about suicide is not
going to "put ideas" into teenagers' heads. Talking about it will not
convince teens that suicide is "cool" or desirable. Quite the
contrary. Talking about suicide, the painful feelings of frustration
and of being overwhelmed that lead some teens to consider suicide, and
talking about the emotional devastation wreaked upon those left behind
is an important step in prevention:
"Here are some ways to be helpful to someone who is threatening
suicide:
* Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
* Be willing to listen. Allow expressions of feelings. Accept the
feelings.
* Be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong,
or feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life.
* Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support.
* Don’t dare him or her to do it.
* Don’t act shocked. This will put distance between you.
* Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Seek support.
* Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib
reassurance.
* Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
* Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis
intervention and suicide prevention. "
UNDERSTANDING AND HELPING THE SUICIDAL PERSON
http://www.suicidology.org/displaycommon.cfm?an=2
"Simply listen. Be open and willing to hear what the at-risk teen has
to say. Asking open ended questions can help move the conversation
along. lt is important to avoid giving advice, making judgements, and
offering your solution for the problern.
Don't give up if the teen tries to shrug you off. Many times young
people need time to realize that your concem is genuine before they'll
open up and talk about how they feel. Listen for the feelings behind
the. words. Be alert for phrases like "l'd rather die than..." or
"Doesn't it ever get better?" or "Things would be better off if l
weren't around."
Once you determine there is the risk of suicide, ASK DIRECTLY "Are you
having thoughts of suicide?" This will NOT put the idea in their head,
their signals have already alerted you. Asking this difficult question
will open the door for them to talk."
[...]
"If the youth isn't open to talking with you about their feelings, try
to help them identify someone they can talk with. An aunt, uncle,
grandparent, neighbor, pastor, friend, school counselor, therapist,
anybody that could help them feel comfortable and safe talking about
their feelings of anguish & despair."
Kids Under Twenty One - Suicide Prevention, Intervention and Education
http://www.kuto.50g.com/about2.htm
"When dealing with a potential suicide victim, experts unanimously
agree that good and immediate communication is essential.
“Parents should remind their distressed teens that, no matter how
awful his or her problems seem, it will work out, and they are willing
to help,” Dr. Barton says. “Ask them to talk about their feelings.
Listen carefully. Do not dismiss their problems or get angry. If the
early warning signs are there, suicide is certainly preventable, but
it’s very important that adults respond quickly with a high level of
patience.”
The Tragedy of Teen Suicide
http://teenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/teensuicide.htm
"* Make sure your child has someone he can confide in. If your teen
feels you don't understand, suggest a more neutral person - a
grandparent, a clergy member, a coach, a school counselor, or your
child's doctor.
* Don't minimize or discount what your child is going through. This
will only reinforce his sense of hopelessness.
* Take your child's behavior seriously. Three quarters of all people
who attempt suicide have given some type of warning to loved ones.
* Always express your love, concern, and support.
* Don't postpone seeing a doctor. Your child should be evaluated for
depression so that treatment can begin immediately.
* Express to your child that with help he will begin to feel better
and that his problems can be overcome."
Understanding and Preventing Teen Suicide - What Can Parents Do?
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide_p3.html
The last item on the last list is especially important. Teenagers who
commit suicide don't do so because they want to die - they do so
because they are utterly convinced that their pain will never go away,
and they feel that they have no other option to make the pain go away.
Adolescence and young adulthood are very hard times, emotionally
speaking - teens find themselves coping with so many changes that they
become overwhelmed and frightened. They become convinced that not
only does no one understand them now, but no one ever will understand
them. They don't realize that their feelings of despair *will*
eventually get better. They look to suicide, not understanding that
it is a very permanent "solution" to a very temporary problem.
It's crucial to communicate to teens that they are *not* alone in
their struggles. A stong support network of loving family and trusted
friends is a vital part of teaching teens that *everyone* goes through
the same emotional upheavals. They need to be assured that they can
trust the adults in their lives to *listen* to them, be it their
parents, their teachers, their physicians or (if they are churchgoing
teens) their pastors, priests or rabbis.
I feel compelled to note that parents need to be reminded that taking
away things that they feel "might cause" suicide may very well
backfire. Dark depressing music does not cause a teenager to want to
kill himself - but an insistence on listening ONLY to dark, depressing
music may be an indication that a child is in trouble and in need of
help and reassurance.
Parents...don't yell at your teenager to "turn that crap off!" or "I
forbid you to listen to that in this house!" Ask instead *why* your
teen is listening to it. Don't judge. Don't yell. *Listen.*
*Watch.* *Be Compassionate.* That ugly, discordant racket coming
from your kid's bedroom isn't an attempt to annoy you, it's a plea for
someone to listen and understand.
I wish someone had explained that to my guardians when I was a
teenager. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and sent
postcards from the hospital when the overdose failed. As has probably
become obvious, this is a subject close to my heart. I cannot stress
enough how important it is for parents and guardians to put aside
their annoyance and frustration with their teenagers, and remember how
hard it was for *them*...and to listen lovingly and with care...and to
remember that a teenager's pain and angst, while seemingly trivial to
an adult, is *very real* to the teenager.
Showing them patience and compassion and helping them learn to cope
with this crazy world we live in is the best way to help prevent a
tragedy.
I've found a most remarkable resource that your friend might wish to
reproduce to share with the students at her school, as well as their
parents:
If You Are Thinking About Suicide, Read This First
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/
The printer friendly version is here:
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/spagebw.htm
Some interesting articles about teen suicide and prevention:
The Desperation Point: Suicide of Teens and Young Adults by Mary
Robbins
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/6518/81722
Understanding and Preventing Teen Suicide - Coping With Loss
http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/suicide_p4.html
Are You Listening To Me?
http://teenagerstoday.com/resources/articles/talk.htm
A great place for teens to connect with people who are struggling with
the same issues they are:
Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
http://www.teenagechickensoup.com/main.php
I've also compiled a list of suicide prevention and crisis resources.
I hope your friend finds these helpful in putting together a plan to
educate her students and their parents:
Active Awareness in Teen Suicide
http://www.activeawareness.org/
Befrienders International
http://www.befrienders.org/
American Association of Suicidology
4201 Connecticut Ave., NW
Suite 408
Washington, DC 20008
(202) 237-2280
http://www.suicidology.org/
Yellow Ribbon Suicide Prevention Program
P.O. Box 644 Westminster, CO 80036-0644 USA
(303) 429-3530
Fax: (303) 426-4496
ask4help@yellowribbon.org
http://www.yellowribbon.org/
National Youth Crisis & Suicide Hotline: 1-800-621-4000
National Suicide Hotline: 1-888-248-2587
Suicide Crisis Hotline: 1-800-SUICIDE
I wish your friend much luck. If there is anything I can clarify for
your, or if you just need further assistance, please don't hestiate to
ask. I'll be glad to help.
--Missy
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