Hello ppl,

I have a question of a personal nature.  I hope I can get an answer
here.

I am male, in my early 20's.  I have been on several dates and noticed
that I have a problem with finding a conversation topic.  The first
date is not a problem.  We don't know each other and thus find out
more about each other.

The question is, what do you talk about on second, third, fourth,
etc... dates?  I want to talk about something that a woman would be
interested in, but am not sure what it is.  I know people who can talk
endlessly with each other and keep a relationship interesting and
alive.  When I went out on second dates, I had nothing to talk about.

Sometimes when we talk about something and answer each other's
questions, there is a heavy silence that is uncomfortable to both
which I want to learn to eliminate on the future dates.

Are there any sites out there that can help me out with this?  

Thanks

Ask her questions about herself, her life, her family, her dreams, her
hobbies, her work, her pets.... But ultimately, in general, if it's
meant to be, the conversation will just happen effortlessly.... and
the beautiful scenario is that you talk all night and don't even get
around to anything physical.

It comes down to:

a) you've sometimes had long wonderful conversations with women - just
hang in there until it happens again.

b) you've never had long wonderful conversations with women - you need
to get some skills in that area. Being a good listener is very useful.

Make sure you have a wide range of interests and find out whatever you
can about them. The men I have hit it off with have always had at
least some interests in common with mine and have been very
knowledgeable about them. In such a situation, there is no problem
keeping a conversation going all night.

Good conversation begins with listening.

Hi akuma,

I'll post my 39 cents for you. All the advice given so far is
'standard issue' and you can't go wrong with any of the suggestions.
:)

Keep it simple, stay away from heavy topics such as politics and
religion.  Be a good listener.  When two people click, conversation
will usually flow.

I wouldn't put too much pressure on yourself and think it's something
you're lacking.  It's quite possible you haven't gone out with the
lady where conversation isn't a problem, and you both can't stop
talking!

In recent years I've dated a very lot, and sometimes it seemed like I
was out with a stranger from another planet and it was very awkward. 
Other times, we hit it off like old friends that had tons in common.

I agree, that the first date usually presents no problems with
communication.  One thing I've learned to do is keep the first date a
short meeting for coffee or a light meal.  You can get a pretty good
feeling if you want to try and establish a friendship in one or two
hours at the most.

If the silence is deafening on the second date... it might be helpful
to comment on it with a smile and say something such as "well what
shall we talk about now?"

There is no magic answer.  When I was growing up I was very bashful
and shy and had a terrible problem with conversational skills.  The
more you do it, the easier it gets!

Good Luck to you and remember the most important things like being a
good listener, enjoy some of the silence because that's not a bad
thing, and be interested in your date.  Another suggestion is to not
ask too many questions, but provide disclosure about you and your
interests.

Sometimes the actual setting of the date can lead to conversation
galore.  Such as going to an Art Museum, taking a long walk together,
movie (not talking during the movie, but going out for coffee
afterwards and discussing this or that about the movie) taking a
nature walk, etc.  In other words, doing something that will provide
"food for thought".

Best regards,

tlspiegel
Google Answers Researcher

Try these articles:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/health/relationships/dating/feature_conversation.shtml
http://www.life-n-leisure.com/dating/articles/conversation.htm
http://www.life-n-leisure.com/dating/articles/questions.htm
http://www.askmen.com/dating/dating_top_ten/4_dating_list.html