wz-
I have read the pages you requested on your site, and have a few
suggestions to offer. Each sentence drawn from your original page is
marked with a --, and the following line is my suggestion for
improvement.
index.html:
--Lowest price spectrum in the market!
A bit unclear. Is the spectrum itself the lowest (i.e., you have
fewer options), or does the spectrum encompass prices that are lower
than any competitor? Perhaps you can change this to "Lowest prices in
the market!" for clarity.
--With more than 17 specialists, we count with expert translators in
each one of the following areas:
I don’t understand this sentence as it is phrased. I would suggest
that you change "count with" to simply "have."
--There is a whole range of services available for your web site,
Change to "there are a wide range of services available."
--If you come from a discount ad, please mention it to get your
discount if you choose to order.
A bit unclear. Perhaps change to "If you have been referred from an
advertisement offering a discount, please mention it when ordering"
I would advise against using the word “fragment” in referring to
portions of the translations you offer. It sounds ragged. Instead,
try "portion", "section", or "segment."
--Any jobs which fall below a value of US$5.97 will attract a minimum
charge of US$5.97.
Change "attract" to "incur".
compare_prices.html:
--We've spent years refining each stage of the translation process and
selecting the best professionals, since we know it redounds not only
in the excellence of the service but in increased cost-efficiency
Change "redounds" to "results". Also, in using a corollary
conjunction, you need to change the last part of the sentence to
"excellence of the service, but also in increased cost efficiency."
compare_quality.html:
--You contact Mercado-Ventas via facsimile or Internet Web Site
describing the nature of the document
Technically correct, but little stilted. No one refers to
facsimiles; it’s always "fax." "Internet Web Site" is also redundant;
"Web Site" or "internet" will both stand alone.
--Our teams have specialized in only one field, and translate 80% of
their jobs in that particular field. In this way, they can translate
faster and more accurate than any "all purposes" translator, saving
you costs
Change to "faster and more accurately, saving you money".
--In contrast with other companies, which attempt to "spare" instead
of improving efficiency, we don't hire non-native or "multilingual"
translators
I don’t quite understand this sentence. I think you may have
mistranslated "spare", but I don’t know what the sentence is actually
trying to say.
--He seeks that the document is fully understandable, accurate and
fluent in the respective technical field, and not just from the
linguistic viewpoint
Change to "He ensures that the document..."
get_a_discount.html:
No errors
contact_us.html:
No errors
count_words.htm:
--Discounts: You may apply to further discounts, click here.
Change to "You may apply for further discounts", or "You may qualify
for additional discounts" (depending on the message you’re trying to
send)
thank-you.html:
No errors.
sample_translations.htm:
Very cogent, and the English is impeccable (I do not speak Spanish,
and as such cannot vouch for the Spanish half of the document)
Overall, the site is extremely professional, and aside from the few
minor grammar changes I have suggested, I do not believe you need to
do anything else to attempt to attract customers. If there is
anything else you would like to know, please feel free to post a
clarification request, and I'll do my best to answer whatever
questions you have.
Thanks!
--Bananarchy-ga |
Request for Answer Clarification by
wz-ga
on
23 Apr 2003 17:26 PDT
I need a clarification of these points:
1. I rephrased the text containing "spare" in the following way.
(Marked by [].) Is this new text correct? Or should I better delete
the two rephrased sentences?
Our teams have specialized in only one field, and translate 80% of
their jobs in that particular field. In this way, they can translate
faster and more accurately, saving you money. All our translators are
native speakers, and fully bilingual. [In contrast with other
companies, we don't hire "multilingual" or non-native translators.
Instead, we reduce costs improving efficiency.] That is, we have
specialized in English to Spanish translations only and exclusively.
The following points involve not just language, but marketing
considerations.)
2. You suggested "Lowest prices in the market!"
The expression "Lowest price spectrum in the market!" was used because
it is less agressive and doesn't sound like a marketing exaggeration.
Also, it avoids that the service is associated with ideas such as
"cheap" or "cheapest", with negative implications.
Could you suggest an alternative wording, please?
I thought of these options based on your suggestion:
"Probably the lowest rates in the market!"
"Some of the lowest rates in the market!"
But if you find a more "refined" expression (or rephrasing) which
doesn't have a negative interpretation, it would be great. (If you
think my own suggestions are right, tell me which one I should use,
please.)
2. I used the expression "Latin American" instead of "native", when
speaking about the translators. If you live in a developed country,
are there cultural prejudices against Hispanics or their job? While I
want the clients to know that the service is more economic because
most of its translators don't live in an expensive country, I can't
allow myself to confer the idea that their job is not good enough
because they are foreigners. Taking that into account and thinking in
the American average buyer, do you recommend the use of "Latin
American" or "native"?
(Note: Most of our clients will be Americans. In this context "native"
means native Spanish speaker, not native English speaker, but it
sounds more culturally "neutral" if I am correct.)
|
Clarification of Answer by
bananarchy-ga
on
23 Apr 2003 19:05 PDT
wz-
1. This clarifies your point a good deal. My only suggestion would
be to make the second sentence read "Instead, we reduce costs by
improving efficiency" rather than "Instead, we reduce costs improving
efficiency."
2. "Some of the lowest rates in the market!" is indeed a good phrase
to use; it avoids the superlative that I used, which is probably a
good thing. You may want to consider adding something about having
extremely competitive rates within this sentence, if it's not
mentioned elsewhere. Perhaps something along the lines of "Extremely
competitive rates: among the lowest in the market!" If that sounds
like too much, then you can stick with "Some of the lowest rates in
the market" or "Among the lowest rates in the market."
3. I can't imagine there being a bias against native speakers when it
comes to translation. While I can only speak for people I know, it
would seem to me that mentioning someone is a "native" speaker rather
than a "Latin American" speaker can only connotate good things, as it
implies that his/her grasp of the language is much stronger than
bilingual speakers. You have made it very clear elsewhere within the
page that no one working for your company is uneducated: the fact that
you are employing native speakers with higher educational degrees is
actually a positive, as far as I can see. It indicates that their
ability to proofread documents for smaller grammatical nuances is
stronger, since they are reading documents translated by native
English speakers, and are proofreading in the language they know the
best. If you feel that you're in danger of implying that your
employees come from "poorer" regions, you can certainly use "Latin
American" instead of "native," but I believe you are safe in referring
to them as "native."
If there is anything else you would like to know, please feel free to
post another clarification request.
--Bananarchy-ga
|
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