Hello sol33-ga,
According to the following articles, bribing, pleading, and nagging or
repeating are not effective tactics. It appear that the best
strategies involve compromise, timing, clarity or simplicity, and
choices.
One article, regarding an 11-year-old who won't clean her room or do
her other chores, advises:
"Timing is everything. Work with her natural rhythms. That is, it's
hard for most 11-year-olds to do much right after school. So perhaps
the mother and daughter should help each other with 15 minutes of
cleanup together. Maybe you put away the dishes while she picks up
her book bag and hangs up her coat. Maybe you even put some music on
while you work. Set the egg timer to keep it honest. This way, you
ritualize the cleaning rather than starting anew every day. Make it a
time of working side-by-side rather than one of nagging and avoiding.
Just be warned: It'll take a couple of weeks of consistent enforcement
before it becomes normal."
"Ask Mike" (Dec. 28, 2002) [answer to question at bottom of page]
CBS News [The Early Show]
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2002/12/27/earlyshow/saturday/askmike/main534524.shtml
This next article emphasizes picking your priorities, keeping it
simple, not getting carried away, and offering alternatives -- and
certainly not nagging or repeating.
"Clean Up Your Room!", by Felicity Stone (September 1999)
Today's Parent
http://www.todaysparent.com/behaviour/article.jsp?cId=427
A third article emphasizes the difference between bribing ("If you do
this, I'll let you do that"), and incentives and consequences ("If you
do this, you (or we) will have time for that"). To me, this seems
like a subtle difference, but I think the idea is that the child
should internalize the idea that cleaning is the best thing for her to
do, rather than failing to clean unless you offer a specific reward.
"Why Bribery Backfires", by Liza N. Burby (Family Life, August 1999)
Parenting Information
Associated Students, Inc., Cal Poly, San Luis Obispo
http://www.asi.calpoly.edu/ChildrensCenter/parentinfo/parenting/bribery.php
This last article presents advice from several parents, such as
setting basic ground rules and compromising.
"Ending the Messy Room Wars" [click at the bottom of the first page of
the article in order to view the second page]
Parent Soup
http://www.parentsoup.com/offline/athome/articles/0,,191750_187995,00.html
The overall impression is that the key factors are being attentive to
your child's point of view and setting reasonable rules. You can make
cleaning an activity that you do together or that she does for a set
amount of time, and that brings you closer together rather than in
opposition to each other.
I hope that these ideas work for you. The articles suggest that
motivating your child to clean her room regularly may take some
patience and time, but that it can be done.
- justaskscott-ga
Search terms used on Google:
parenting
parenting "clean her room"
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