I have been advised on good authority that there is a G****e Bot that
goes round locking questions.

I should very much like to meet this young man (or woman ... I never
get the sex right) but how?

---

Request for Question Clarification by pafalafa-ga on 21 May 2003 12:21 PDT

The Google Bot, also known as Bot Foot, reputedly runs around in the
wilds of Google Lake, Minnesota:

http://www.topowest.com/Minnesota/Places/G/

Whether the Google Bot is a "he" or a "she"...or something else
entirely...is not known.

There has never been a reliable siting or photograph, only vague log
entries suggesting the presence of a mysterious being with astounding
powers.

Strange....but true.

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 21 May 2003 22:56 PDT

Hi, Pafalafa

Good to hear from you again.

I would really like to respond to your request for Clarification but I
suspect that the G****e Bot has already done its work by confusing the
hell out of me.

Would you mind please clarifying your Request for Clarification?

But quick before Tisme's Kitty wakes up.

Or, like Kitty, are you still in bed?

---

Request for Question Clarification by tisme-ga on 22 May 2003 14:00 PDT

You do mean the Google bot right?

tisme-ga

---

Request for Question Clarification by tisme-ga on 22 May 2003 14:01 PDT

n/m, was just trying to bait it. 

tisme-ga

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 22 May 2003 21:39 PDT

Tisme, huh?

That sounds more like a Confession that a Request for Clarification.

So, we've tricked you into the open have we?

And even if it Twasnt you, you obviously know more than is good for
you.

There ... I've always wanted to bring all the suspects together and
then do the Hercule Poirot thing and unmask the real villain.

All that is left is for you nos is to jump out of the nearest
skyscraper and please do not expect Lois Lane to fly to your rescue.

Great piccy, JP.

All the best

PB

---

Request for Question Clarification by pafalafa-ga on 23 May 2003 04:29 PDT

Yep...I'm still in bed.

Or...I *was* still in bed when you and Tisme were being so clever that
-- I must confess -- I'm totally c**fused and I don't know what the
heck you guys are talk**g about.

But not understanding a question never really stops me from posting
material anyway, though I admit, I did feel a bit sheepish about
posting an RFC when everyone else was posting comments.  Was I out of
line?  Has international protocol been callously ignored?  Why is it
that you never get the sex right?  Who the **** are you, anyway?

I might have to answer this question one of these days.

paf

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 23 May 2003 05:01 PDT

Hi, Paf

Many thanks for getting up .... at last.

Your Comments whether posted as Comments or misposted as RFCs are
always welcome ... As you well know ... You were just fishing for
compliments.

Who am I?

Well that has to remain confidential ... under the terms of the Dougal
Convention, Article 7.

However, here's a clue: I ride a white horse and I have a faithful
Indian companion, called Minihaha even though she's 6 foot tall.

Your humble servant

The Masked One

---

Request for Question Clarification by serenata-ga on 27 May 2003 23:57 PDT

I used to be 6 ft. tall, but my driver license now officially lists me
as 5'12" tall, does that count?

Serenata o/~

Greetings, Bryan!

The Googlebot is indeed a mysterious, all-seeing, all-knowing force,
and many have sought its source.

It sees you when you're sleeping; it knows when you're awake.
It knows when you've been bad, by including lots of spamming text
keywords in a 0-point invisible font on your website, participating in
link farms, setting up numerous identical mirror websites, including
non-applicable keywords in your text, overwhelming your site with too
much javascript and not enough text, and using those horrendous
bandwidth-eating Flash movies without a "Skip Intro" link on your main
portal page, so be good for goodness' sake.

The Googlebot was born in the basement of the Gates Information
Sciences Building at Stanford University in California, USA.
http://www-db.stanford.edu/pub/voy/museum/pictures/display/0-4-Google.htm

Like the mysterious life form in the Star Trek: The Next Generation
episode "Home Soil", the Googlebot's cells began to multiply
exponentially until the organism threatened the infrastructure of the
Gates Building, and so it was moved to its current home: 2400 Bayshore
Parkway in Mountain View, CA.
://www.google.com/press/images/gallery/signbldg.jpg

There the Googlebot's acolytes daily make sacrifices of naughty
webmasters and worship at its shrine, seen here:
://www.google.com/press/images/gallery/lavalobby.jpg


Search Strategy

omniscient Googlebot
://www.google.com/search?q=omniscient+Googlebot&num=100&filter=0


Before Rating my Answer, if you have any questions about the above
information, please post a Request for Clarification, and I will be
glad to see what I can do for you.

I hope that this Answer provided exactly the information you were
seeking!

Regards,

ace

---

Request for Answer Clarification by probonopublico-ga on 28 May 2003 08:37 PDT

Sorry, Serenata

You've just shrunk and the G****e Bot is trying to break the news to
you the easy way.

It has got a compassionate side, after all.

This is good because I used to be 5ft 12 inches and now I am 6 foot
...

KR
PB 1111

---

Clarification of Answer by aceresearcher-ga on 28 May 2003 09:07 PDT

Bryan,

Thank you for the excellent 5-star rating and generous tip!

Next time you are on this side of the pond, perhaps you can phone
ahead to 650-330-0100, and request a special tour of the Googlebot's
Mountain View enclave.

Regards,

ace

Hi, Ace

Great to see you in action and in top form, despite those cats.

I shall now be able to sleep again at nights now you have settled my
nerves about the G****e Bot.

Many thanks!

KR
Bryan

I believe the G****e Bot dwells in the 'BotCave' in the bottomlands of
Botswana, among the Bottentots, where he fights a constant bottle
against botulism.

There is evidence (obtained from Moscow) that the Googlebot was
captured and interrogated by the Russians in April 1945 and executed
in May. However, there is another story that says the Googlebot
escaped capture and, after WW2,  lived in Switzerland and, supposedly,
there is a CIA report to this effect. Can anyone else throw any light
on what really happened to the Googlebot?

THX1138 ;)

GOOGLEWONKY

'Twas brillig, and the slithy bots
Did gyre and google in the code:
All searchy was the burrowgots,
And all Researchers were in mode.
'Beware the Googlewonk, my son,
The bot that locks, the "Google" catch.
Beware that Googlewonk, and shun
The frumious questionsnatch.'
He took his questioning in hand;
Long time the manxome answer sought.
Then rested he by Pinkfreud's tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Googlewonk, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the Answer wood,
And locking as it came!
One! two! With "Google" in the text
The Googlewonk went lockersnack!
It wasn't dead and with its head
It went a'locking back.
'So hast thou slain the Googlewonk?
I fear it not, my answer boy!
Only by not mentioning splonk
Will keep that beast away.
'Twas brillig, and the slithy bots
Did gyre and google in the code:
All searchy were the burrowgots,
And all Researchers were in mode.

Yes, Probonopublico, there is a G****e Bot. He exists as certainly as
love and generosity and devotion exist, and you know that they abound
and give to your life its highest beauty and joy. Alas! how dreary and
uninformed would be the world if there were no G****e Bot! It would be
as dreary as if there were no Probonopublicos. There would be no
childlike faith then, no poetry, no romance to make tolerable this
existence. We should have no enjoyment, except in sense and sight. The
external light with which childhood fills the world would be
extinguished.

Not believe in G****e Bot! You might as well not believe in Pinkfreud
or Missy. You might ... hire men to watch in all the Google Answers
Questions to catch G****e Bot, but even if you did not see G****e Bot,
what would that prove? Nobody sees G****e Bot, but that is no sign
that there is no G****e Bot. The most real things in the world are
those that neither children nor men can see. Did you ever see
Pinkfreud or Missy dancing on the lawn? Of course not, but that’s no
proof that they didn't. Nobody can conceive or imagine all the wonders
there are unseen and unseeable in the world.

You tear apart the baby’s rattle and see what makes the noise inside,
but there is a veil covering the unseen world which not the strongest
man, nor even the united strength of all the strongest men that ever
lived could tear apart. Only faith, poetry, love, romance, can push
aside that curtain and view and picture the supernal beauty and glory
beyond. Is it all real? Ah, Probonopublico, in all this world there is
nothing else real and abiding.

No G****e Bot! Thank God! he lives and lives forever. A thousand years
from now, Probonopublico, nay 10 times 10,000 years from now, he will
continue to make glad the heart of seekers of information.

(With all due apologies to Francis P. Church)
Serenata

Whatever do you mean by G****e Bot?  The Grabbe Bot, that grabs
questions?  ("Grabbe" is spelled like "Shoppe" in Ye Olde English.) 
The Gamble Bot, which might be connected with the "I'm Feeling Lucky"
button on the G****e home page?  ;-)

Hi!

Once Google released the Googlebot, it was never, ever seen again. It
is a robot with instructions to crawl the web until the web is static.
Since the web will never, ever be static, it's quite likely that even
Google will never see it's dear bot again.

See this reference:
://www.google.com/bot.html

Note that Google has registered said bot in the registry of web
robots, so the Googlebot should never be considered a rogue or runaway
bot.

The Web Robots Database
http://www.robotstxt.org/wc/active.html (Main)

See it's license to bot here:
http://www.robotstxt.org/wc/active/html/googlebot.html

Here's a November/December 2002 sighting of Googlebot!!
http://www.webmasterworld.com/forum3/10201.htm

Then, I located this page that made me wonder what the Googlebot had
been smoking, ...well, you'll see what I mean:
http://www-whois.internic.net/cgi/whois?googlebot.com

Well, at least we know that our beolved bot is making friends and
keeping busy!!

~~Cynthia

I heard that the Googlebot is going to be playing the part of Shelob
in the third "Lord of the Rings" movie.

Hmm...

Maybe we are in the Matrix.

http://www.robotstxt.org/wc/faq.html

Has anyone actually seen it?  Could anyone help by posting verified sightings here?

Michael2

I have a sneaking suspicion that the kitty that I live with is the
GoogleBot. Seriously, everytime the Googlebot locks a question I would
love to answer, kitty is nowhere to be found. but shhhh... I don't
want her to read this.. I have been trying to catch her red-handed for
weeks.

tisme-ga

I've seen it once, it delivered a package to my door some weeks ago.
He was disguised as a postal worker, he brought me a handmade plaid
from Planet Google. ;)

Weren't the G****** Bot and Elvis spotted at the opening of a Walmart
in Broken Pelvis, Montana?
~S

Much as I hate to lower the tone of the place....there is only one
obvious place for a "Bot" to live. pinkie was close when mentioning
the bottomlands.....need I say more?

The only question is....does it stay in the same place, or does it
migrate? The swallows have arrived for summer. Do I have to keep my
rear covered to avoid the "Bot" arriving as well and taking up
residence?

willie-ga

What is the "meaning" of a "Google" bot?

It must be said that the Googlebot which crawls webpages
is *not* the Googlebot which locks questions with the
word G00gle in them. This said, there is no doubt that
they are related, and meet on weekends at the home of 
their other sibling's (Barney Google) mother, Ma Google,
who created the menu at the Googleplex, visible here:
://www.google.com/jobs/food.html

Is the password to initiate Googlebot an anagram of its name? 
go to globe
answerfinder-ga

And lets not forget, the googlebot is all-watching, and all-knowing. 

Perhaps a digital god for us all ?

The Queen Mum has been spotted with Elvis
[http://www.eclecticem.com/elvisandmum.gif] but I think the G*****bot
prefers to travel incognito (and my apologies to Lewis Carroll for the
atrociousness I posted above).

I have found a sketch, by a police artist, of the elusive
googlebot, however, it cannot be ascertained if the image
accurately reflects its native environment:
http://www.pacarras.demon.co.uk/weblog/googlebot.gif

__-__
               _|     |_
  "Must...  --|_| | | |_|--
   serve...     |_   _|
   Probono"  .--\     `--.
             |  .Go    |  |
           __|  | og   |  |
       ===X_____|  le  |  |
       ==/      |___bot __|
                ///|\\\\ |\
               ////|\\\\ | |
               `|-----|'
                |  |  |
                |__|__|
                |  |  |
               / / ^ \ \
               `--' `--'

(Hmm, I think he lost his head.)

That's okay, j_phillip...it's still got its googlebottom...

It lives in the hearts of all those good and true GARS who are
fervently dedicated to life, puberty (with or without its inherent
pimples), wholly unintelligible murmurings of blissfully blitzed
questioners who suddenly discovered this vastly under-advertised
service, insignificant statements of no particular import inflated
with fatuous, gratuitous inanities, formidible warnings which are
primarily unenforceable, God, motherhood (c'mon, no one is actually
against motherhood, unless maybe - and understandably - it is Bill
Gates' mother), apple pie (with or without cinnamon sauce), gooey hot
fudge sundaes, chocolate in all its glorious and heavenly
manifestations, liberty and justice for all.

Disclaimer: According to the Warren Commission, Lee Harvey Oswald
acted alone.

S~

I've made a shocking discovery: the G****e Bot is French!!

"Etude de Googlebot"
Web Rank Info
http://www.webrankinfo.com/google/etude-googlebot.php

I wonder how the Bush administration is dealing with this news?  ;-)

Interesting pattern your patron develops.

Plays up to his favorites and ignores others. Is this a genuine
suckup? Or more an attempt to form his own little caste system?

We do notice those things, you know

Ciao!
elcon

patron pattern?
caste formation?
piffle faddle.

he who
minihahas last,
minihahas best.

exit, stage left,
with a micro wave
and a mini haha...

Holy cow, PB. 

Nobody seems to be answering your question. They add beautiful ASCII
images (wtg Philipp), jokes and comments on his whereabouts, but do
not answer your original question - which is "how to meet this young
man (or woman)"?

First of all, as you probably know from my answer on British
poiticians, meeting young men is not something completely foreign to
your culture - you have nothing to hide - the best have met young men
they hardly knew.

Second, and this is even more important - it had been (almost) agreed,
that the Googlebot is in the computer (see
http://www.robotstxt.org/wc/active/html/googlebot.html).


Conclusion 1: In the computer? You mean *in* the computer? (that's a
Zoolander quote). The easiest way is to meet it is try to get into the
computer. Start with your finger and try to get the rest of yourself
in. He's in there!

Conclusion 2: Since there is no thing as "In the Computer", it means
that the Googlebot is in all of us. Like Spinoza's God, the Googlebot
is in our hearts, our artifacts, our souls, and those of the animals
around us. Yes, looking for the Googlebot is looking into yourself.
Dwell into your own soul, the Pro, the Bono, and the Publico, and you
shall find the young man you're supposed to meet.

Conclusion 3: Since the Googlebot operates only when there's Internet,
he must be connected. That means, if to use a very actual term, that
the Googlebot *is* the Matrix (pitty I didn't include it in my answer
about the Matrix): it sets our worldview, brings about the
epistemological basis to our actions. Getting into the Matrix, is the
way to meet the bot.

Try these solutions, and tell me how did your meeting go ;-) 
politicalguru-ga

Hi, Political Guru

You are RIGHT ... Nobody has answered my question.

I suspect that the G****e Bot is actually preventing anyone from
answering, because the question has been deemed politically sensitive.

Could be the work of the NSA ... so, perhaps, the answer is Fort
Meade, Maryland?

Regards

PB

Whatever do you mean, "G****e Bot is actually preventing
anyone from answering, because the question has been deemed
politically sensitive..."

Aaargh...can't breathe...choking...say...relative..of..
Bender...ack...gag...meegle...