phish-ga:
Hello, online dating can often be a touchy subject -- and each
person's experience various from the next. All I can do is talk a bit
about my experiences meeting people online and the transition to a
friendship or otherwise in the real world.
Okay, here is my obligatory disclaimer that any online community I
mention here is not meant to promote it and by no means does Google
promote it either. You may choose to use it as a starting point, but
these are not miraculous solutions to a complicated issue such as this
:D.
That said, I will continue. I have had the most experience with a new
service called Friendster (www.friendster.com), which is a "six
degrees of separation" type of service. Basically it creates a network
of your friends, and your friends friends and so on and so forth.
There are many websites that are based on this idea that went defunct
due to interface issues or whatnot. The reason why I think this type
of service is better than dating websites or even yahoogroups or
whereever you usually talk to people, is that all of these people know
your friends. They aren't strangers hiding behind a computer. They
aren't people claiming to be something they are not.
By doing searches through interests (there are four sections,
interests, favorite music, favorite books, favorite TV shows... then
one section to describe yourself and another to describe who you want
to meet). There are people who just want to find new friends and
activity partners. There are people looking for more. There is an area
for your friends to post a testimonial about you. Websites like
Friendster make everything a bit more personal, which I think is key
in online dating. You need to really get to know someone, and getting
to know them through their friends is a great way. Friends of friends
are also less risky when it gets to the point of meeting that person
in reality. There is a point of reference, not just some stranger you
met online.
How to catch someone's interest? Make sure you have something in
common -- a favorite book, a hobby, philosophy on life. Online
communities that allow you to create a detailed profile make it easier
for you to find that *something* you can talk about. I've found salsa
dancing partners, chess opponents, movie buddies, everything this way.
The transition from behind the screen to reality? Don't expect
fireworks. Relationships, friendships, and everything take time. Meet
in public. Meet each other in a group environment with your mutual
friends. Meet to do something, like a common interest. I have met
people to play chess and go dancing very successfully. Don't make it
too date-like because that's just added tension to an already
potentially awkward situation.
As far as dos and don'ts? Always tell the truth. BE PICKY. BE
YOURSELF. I think the biggest trainwrecks come from people trying to
be something they are not because they can hide behind a screen. The
networks with friends of friends helps reduce this because your
friends will know if you are lying in your profile. Initiate contact.
Learn how to say "hey, I notice you like XYZ and so do I..." Don't
worry about wording things perfectly. Anyone who judges you because
you are just trying to make conversation is someone you don't want to
meet anyway. Ask questions. Questions make conversation easier. If you
see someone's profile you like, just pop him or her an informal
message. It helps to mention exactly what part of his or her profile
you liked. Talk online for a bit and don't rush into meeting them. Get
to know the person as best you can. Make sure your profile picture
actually looks like you. Ask your friends about this person if you are
that worried.
I'm sorry if this is all a bit jumbled, but I have a lot to say on the
matter.
Please feel to ask any questions if you need clarification!
LeeAnn |
