Hi, I Justgotthisgreatidea ... Don't ask me how it suddenly came to me
but I guess it was just sheer inspiration.

All this kind of stuff is probably new to you but I want you to write
about ANYTHING that occurs to you ... ANYTHING at all ... except
slagging off your colleagues or anything else that contravenes the
Dougal Convention.

Knowing how talented you are, I would - if possible - wish for you to
write in the style of that great Scottish poet William McGonagall.

He deserves to be remembered ... being the ONLY Scottish poet of any
note ...

If in doubt, ask Willie.

---

Request for Question Clarification by justaskscott-ga on 24 May 2003 23:24 PDT

Oh, I didn't know you were on a schedule!  I'm about to go to sleep,
and while I've found a great William McGonagall site, I'm too tired to
write a good poem (no less one in that style).

How about this? ... You can set a time by which the poem is needed. 
If by two hours before that time I have not provided a poem -- and I
might well not, since I might be sleeping late -- the question can be
fair game for anyone to answer.

Though I would lose out on a few dollars, I would gain the
satisfaction that you had received a poem in time for your premiere.

Do you have any particular subject in mind that you would like the
poem to address?  How long should it be?

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 24 May 2003 23:38 PDT

Hi, Justaskscott

Sorry, I was replying to Roger ...

Forget the schedule, take your time, PLEASE

Regards

Bryan

---

Request for Question Clarification by justaskscott-ga on 25 May 2003 20:46 PDT

I want to have fun with this, but also give you a poem that you would
most enjoy.  Kindly look at the categories under "Poems by Subject" on
this page:

"Poetic Gems"
McGonagall Online
http://www.mcgonagall-online.org.uk/poems/

What should be the topic of my poem?

Alternatively, what is your favorite McGonagall poem?  I could compose
something similar to that.

Of course, you left it up to me at the start -- and you can still
leave it up to me now.

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 26 May 2003 01:16 PDT

Hi, Justaskscott

I'm leaving EVERYTHING up to you!

Good luck!

Bryan

I doubt it's as good as Willie's attempt, but I've tried my level (or
off-kilter) best ....

An Ode to Google Answers on Its First Year
By an unknown Scottsman

Sound drums and trumpets, and the bugle!
For the answer service begun by Google!
Show by your prices you are not frugal,
Be you McGonagall or Macdougall!

[Footnote: The poet has apparently made reference to James Macdougall,
the author of The Wee Green Neuk, which has nothing whatsoever to do
with Google Answers.  And now, to continue ….]

All hail to Missy and Pinkfreud!
Long may they be on questions well employed!
As this is now G.A's first year,
I hope more customers continue to appear.

Let Juggler's subjects rejoice and sing,
While he keeps on doing the answer thing;
And let young and old for Bobbie7 be glad,
And cry, "Keep clicking that mouse, on that mousepad!"

Scriptor has answered well, which no one dare gainsay,
And I hope that he has questions to answer every day;
May Easterangel be blessed with continued acumen,
And let all E's lieges say – Amen!

[This seems more fun than a barrel o' monkeys at first, but man does
it get tiring!  How did McGonagall do it?  Anyway, let us cut to the
chase.]

G.A. is a good service, which all Googlers should know,
And for that may Brin and Page protect it from every foe;
May they guide G.A. wisely, as they've done all along,
And let it live forever – is the end of my song.

---

Clarification of Answer by justaskscott-ga on 27 May 2003 23:03 PDT

Well, despite losing out on $99 in tip, and perhaps owing you money, I
think I will continue to choose "unduly respectful" over "unduly
disrespectful".  It seems like the wise thing to do in the long run. 
;-)

Thanks for the question and the (relatively small but still
appreciated) tip!

WOW!

Well worth waiting for.

And Willie chipped in with a brilliant effort, too!

My thanks to you both.

I was going to give you a $100 tip but, on re-reading, I realised that
you were being unduly respectful for the GA Masters, so I discounted
this by a 1000%.

So, you now owe me 90 cents ...

KR
Bryan

Hey Brian you must have money to "burn"; 
the way you splash it around to these
sometimes overpaid pepsi cola drinking
"Virtual Einstein's" masquarading with
funny pseudonyms and the occassional 
indulging in verbosity. I mean truly 
they are all nice guys and gals but you
as we rather crudly (sometimes) say in
Australia "fair suck of the sav".
You dont have to spoil these GAR's by
them by giving them your hard earned 
dollars just for a song or a dance.
When they have to get around to answering
some of the really "tough" questions I
throw at them they might jerk a bit!
What'd ya reckon mate???
From Roger half ***issed on Chardonay
because I'm stuck in my bloody hotel
room here in Kingston Jamiaca cause
it is literally ****ing down raining 
here. PS Good to say hello again Brian.

Hello BRyan. Wakee wakee. Where the hell are ya???
I reckon you and Scotty have gone outon the virtual *iss together. 
That's an Aussie (rather crude) term starting with the letter "P" and
ending with "iss". As I say rather "crude" termonology for a good drop
of ale, or a nip or three of Scottish Scotch. But a lot of us Aussie
are a crude vulgar lot. More so when we've down'd a glass or five of
hops, vinager or whatever. Anyway mate I've been watchin out for ya
all afternoon. Must have down'd at least half a dozen good chardonay's
waiting for ya. I'll virtally catch up with you some other time, down
the time track.  Cheers from Roger
PS Who's this scottich poet called "Willie"
Your're not having a go at Scotty ar ya???
U wouldnt do that I'm sure.....or am I?

Just wanted to let you know that I've been out most of the day.  I
hope to make some time to post an answer on Sunday.  Thank you, Bryan,
for the question!

Hi, Roger

Good to hear from you again but I'm surprised that you've got any
Chardonnay left after the way you've been *issing it away.

Willie is a GA Researcher (One of the best) who hails from Scotland
(Well nobody's perfect) and he'll know about the Great McGonagall, for
sure, if the Gifted Justaskcott needs any help.

Where was I at 16.48 PDT? Well in bed, of course. It was the middle of
the night here in the Mother Country, as we are MANY hours ahead of
those guys out in California. Something to do with the Sun and stuff
that I've never understood.

Anyhow, tonight is the World Premiere of my latest play 'The King &
Her' and I had to have an early night so that I shall look my best
when the audience starts clamouring 'Author! Author!'

Naturally, I shall have to make a speech and I was hoping that I might
impress the audience with my erudition by treating them to a ditty in
the style of the Great McGonagall.

However, if JustinTime fails to deliver, I shall have to do my own
thing ... unless you can produce some fabulous poetry for me to
utter???

Speak to you again, soon .. I hope.

Kindest regards

Bryan

Advice to Justaskscott-ga

Writing verse in the style of McGonagall
Requires unusual skill
The lines must not scan
The rhymes must not rhyme
And the effect must be melodramatical.

If your poem is meant to be funny
You're obviously out of the money
For laughs unintended
Are what made him a legend
So you must not be jokey and punny.

markj-ga

"The King and Her" in the style of McGonagall

The British queen has never seen
A thing as lovely as a bean
It's green and fat and full of goodness
And well conceals the hint of woodness

But beans and queens, they seldom mix
For queens are hidden away at six
The daylight they but rarely see, 
Except when someone fells a tree

Which makes the troth of royal brethren
A plight in which there's nothing certain
For beens and greens will hide the path
A king must take to find his lass

And long before the lass is near
The king may lose himself in fear
For a wood can be a terrible place
When disoriented becomes his grace

For a king to find himself a bride
He has to push the beans aside
And get himself into the place
Where a future bride doth hide and wait

But in the greenwood hides a truth
That every King must find, forsooth
If a bride is worth her salt
You must prepare to forgive her faults

Which makes it all so unco strange 
That kings and queens will still arrange
Their nuptials without them having seen
A thing as lovely as a bean

willie-ga (who was born on Burns's day, and is therefore a poet who doesn't know it)