Greetings Jackieo:
I understand your concern. This is an unusual behavior for a boy of
nine (up to the ages of four or five, stealing is considered normal as
children are then beginning to form their ethics and character). I've
located some information that I hope will assit you. From the site at
http://www.cyh.com/cyh/parentopics/usr_index0.stm?topic_id=128 comes
this:
"They might steal -
*to impress friends - especially if they feel left out, they may
steal give things to other children to try and buy friendship
*because they have no pocket money or spending money and other
children have
wanting to do what their friends say -for example their group might
dare them to steal
*unhappiness or feeling unloved. Sometimes children or young people
who feel very unhappy steal only from a parent
*needing attention - stealing usually gets lots of attention
*feeling they don’t get their fair share
*anger - to get back at someone
*not being in an environment where there is an understanding that
stealing is wrong."
The site also states that "by nine or ten children have usually
learned about right and wrong and if they steal it is for other
reasons". The page concludes "If a child or young person goes on
stealing and does not respond to these suggestions, get some help from
a professional counsellor."
It may be that counseling is in order but I would suggest that the
young man's parents speak with him frankly about his stealing in a
calm discussion.
It is true that when a child cannot get positive attention, they will
result to negative behavior - at least, doing a negative thing results
in getting some kind of attention. This may be the issue. Was the
boy an only child who now has a sibling and is suddenly not getting
the attention he used to receive? It could be many factors but, if
his stealing persists despite talks with his parents, then counseling
may be appropriate. From
http://www.brooklane.org/whitepgs/children/chsteal.html comes this:
"If stealing is persistent and thefts continue...the stealing probably
results from more serious problems in the child's emotional
development. Children who repeatedly steal have difficulty trusting
others and forming close relationships. Rather than feeling guilty,
they blame the behavior on others, with the argument that, "Since they
refuse to give me what I need, I will take it." Some children steal
out of a fear of dependency; they wish not to depend on anyone, so
they take what they need."
The site at http://www.noelswanson.com/index.htm?page=/stealing.html
states:
"At the same time, model it yourself. What do you do when you find a
wallet in the street? Or when you are given too much change in a shop?
Your children will be watching you, and learning.
"Then watch your children. Not to catch them out, but to catch them
being good. Reward and praise the little acts of honesty that you see.
All of this promotes a culture of honesty in the home.
"If you do catch them stealing, stay calm. Losing your temper will not
help, and may even act as a reward for them. Secondly, do not tempt
them to lie their way out of it."
The article goes on to give other suggestions. I hope you read all
the articles I have provided in their entirety and I wish you success
with this issue. Your love for this boy shows in your eagerness to
help him and I hope the reason for his stealing will be uncovered and
healed.
Best regards,
journalist-ga
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