Hello,

My question is how can one be forgiven for a serious mistake that may
have ended a cherished relationship? All efforts to explain and
apologize have been in vain thus far.

Thanks

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Clarification of Question by osolost-ga on 12 Jul 2003 16:24 PDT

tutuzdad....

Could you please clarify what you meant by posting another question?
I look forward to your reply,

Regards,
osolost-ga

There really isn't a whole lot the person who seeks forgiveness can
do; ultimately, it's in the hands (or heart) of the person forgiving.
However, perhaps you can find a way to show that "it will never happen
again." Changing your ways--for the long term--can be a very powerful
means of showing someone that you really are sorry. (Of course, that
reason alone won't make the changes in your life "stick;" you have to
want to change for your own sake.

Maybe this helps a little,
Kriswrite

You are at the other person's mercy if you are seeking forgiveness.
You can start by posting a new question and giving the answer to your
offended companion:

HOW CAN ONE LEARN TO FORGIVE A CHERISHED FRIEND?

Regards;
tutuzdad-ga

Tutuzdad....

Thank you...however, given the circumstances, I hesitate at posting a
new question and/or answer as that may further complicate matters in 
this forum. However, if that is what it takes to be forgiven,I will do
whatever it takes...

Regards,

osolost

Thank you kriswrite for your comment...

I have accepted that I am at the "mercy" of the person forgiving.
I have done a lot of searching and I acknowledge that I did a major wrong...
However, if there are no venues left to explain or apologize, what then?

I guess you could offer wholehearted apologies and ask for
forgiveness. If it doesn't work, I guess repeatedly asking it from the
person would feel like nagging. You could just remain quiet on the
matter and carry on life as usual, but then be prepared to give an
answer when that person brings up the issue again. Just a thought.

Dear Osolost:

If, in your heart, you know that you have done everything within
*your* power to heal the rift then this is all you can do.  Step back
and examine the lessons you have learned from the experience and
accept your responsibility in the matter - learn from it.  If the
other person refuses to accept your apology/explanation, then you must
accept that graciously and work towards healing the matter within
yourself.

Best regards and Namaste,
journalist-ga

I'll second Journalist's comments in entirety.

Once a deed is done, it cannot be undone. Forgiveness is entirely in
the hands of the person who has been wronged. Whether they forgive
quickly and easily or hold a grudge forever depends on their own
character and not yours.

That said, you should apologise and be absolutely sincere. You are
also the best and possibly the only person who should know exactly how
to apologise because it depends on past history and on what wrong was
committed.

If your apology is rejected, I'm afraid that you'll have to leave time
to do its thing. Repeated attempts to 'solve' the problem may instead
make it worse.

You must accept that there may not be a solution to your problem.

Poe

Dear osolost-ga,

The comments above are very enlightening and true.

Aside from repenting (i.e., stop doing what you're doing wrong and
make up for it in a positive way), it wouldn't also hurt to PRAY for
the person that you want to forgive you. I may sound trite, but PRAYER
REALLY WORKS- even if the results are not what you may be expecting.

If anything, you can take solace in the thought that as long as you're
sincere in your apology and you intend to change for the better, you
don't have to lug around a suitcase full of guilt. If God can forgive
you, what right do I have not to forgive you as well? (Unless, of
course, I consider myself better than God...duh).

In any case, remember the adage "time heals all wounds," perhaps not
perfectly, but enough to let you go on.

Best regards,

JOHNNYBRAVO2003