I have been asked to read the poem below at a friend's wedding
tomorrow morning. I would be very interested to know more about it.
For example: is it a complete poem, or just an extract? What were the
circumstances in which it was written? Who was Jane Wells and did she
write anything else?

I'm not really looking for full bibliographical research - just a bit
of extra context I can include when I do the reading.

The poem appears on quite a few websites, but so far I haven't been
able to find any information other than what I have included here

Oh, and I need the info before about 0900 GMT tomorrow (Saturday 19th
July)!

Thanks in advance
Bryn

"Marriage Advice" - Jane Wells (1886)

Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. 
Learn the wisdom of compromise for it is better to bend than to break.
Believe the best, rather than the worst, for people have a way of
living up, or down to your own opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting
relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the
courtesy and kindness you bestow on friends.
Please hand this down to your children and your children's children.

---

Clarification of Question by bryn-ga on 21 Jul 2003 01:27 PDT

Thanks all of you for your hard work on this.

pinkfreud - please feel free to repost your comment as an answer in
return for a crisp virtual tenner. I used your research at the wedding
(dodgy dates and all!) and the bride and groom were quite chuffed to
have the extra info.

Thank you very much for accepting my remarks as an answer! I have
reposted them below.

"When Jane Wells’ daughter was preparing for her marriage, her mother
gave her a piece of paper with these wise words of counsel written
down. "Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the
wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst. Remember, people have a way of
living up or down to your opinions of them. Remember also that true
friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you
choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you
bestow on your friends. Please hand this down to your children and
your children’s children for the more things change the more they
remain the same." Certainly those words of counsel in preparing for
marriage are good one’s aren’t they? They remain contemporary to this
day even though I have quoted them from a letter written from Jane
Wells to her daughter shortly after the Civil War, almost 150 years
ago."
 
http://216.239.37.104/search?q=cache:6XNtemIb4wMJ:www.fbcwayne.org/ministries/sermons/20020609pm.html
 
I'd take this with a grain of salt. The author says the letter was
written "shortly after the Civil War," but the date of 1886 that is
typically attached to this quotation is 20 years after the Civil War,
which I wouldn't call "shortly."
 
One other thing that may help: several online versions of this quote
have a final line, "The more things change the more they are the
same."
 
http://bintangsepi.diaryland.com/notitle1.html 
 
http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Shoppe/5822/TheWedding.html 

It's great to hear that a good use was made of this material. I
associate the term "chuffed" with railroads and locomotives, so I hope
your newly-married friends are on the right track. ;-)

Best wishes,
pinkfreud

Exactly the kind of thing I was looking for. I needed an answer
quickly, and got it. Thanks.

I've come up dry, with the exception of two items that may be of
interest:

"When Jane Wells’ daughter was preparing for her marriage, her mother
gave her a piece of paper with these wise words of counsel written
down. "Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger. Learn the
wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst. Remember, people have a way of
living up or down to your opinions of them. Remember also that true
friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you
choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you
bestow on your friends. Please hand this down to your children and
your children’s children for the more things change the more they
remain the same." Certainly those words of counsel in preparing for
marriage are good one’s aren’t they? They remain contemporary to this
day even though I have quoted them from a letter written from Jane
Wells to her daughter shortly after the Civil War, almost 150 years
ago."

http://216.239.37.104/search?q=cache:6XNtemIb4wMJ:www.fbcwayne.org/ministries/sermons/20020609pm.html

I'd take this with a grain of salt. The author says the letter was
written "shortly after the Civil War," but the date of 1886 that is
typically attached to this quotation is 20 years after the Civil War,
which I wouldn't call "shortly."

One other thing that may help: several online versions of this quote
have a final line, "The more things change the more they are the
same."

http://bintangsepi.diaryland.com/notitle1.html

http://www.geocities.com/Paris/Shoppe/5822/TheWedding.html

I hope another Researcher can unearth some background information
about Jane Wells for you.

The first two lines have also been attributed to H.G. Wells and an old
Scottish proverb.

Regards,
luciaphile-ga

Here is a web site that gives a slightly different spelling and
additional information.............

http://www.stcharleschurch.org/truelove.htm

Grandmother Jayne Well, Baltimore MD, May 2, 1886



wellen-ga