I seem to "sweat the small stuff", mostly with my child. I'm looking
for a small poster or framed piece, that has tips for me to read
daily, maybe as I pass by it. I have all the "don't sweat the small
stuff" books, I don't want those. Tonight, my 5 yearold asked me to
snuggle him on the couch and I said no let me do the dishes first. I
finished 10 minutes later, went to go be with him and he was asleep.
I'm beating myself up over it because I turned my child down for
cuddly time. One should never turn that down from a child. I get
sidetracked and I don't want to miss the little enjoyments like that
anymore. So I'm looking for something short and sweet that will have
little sayings or whatnot written down that I can post on fridge or
wall. I need reminders to let the small things go and be a better
parent.

Dear violet13-ga:

I found just the thing for you. This was written by someone who is
truly sorry for getting her priorities wrong and if she had to do it
over again, she'd never make the same mistake again. She is a very
kind, loving, intelligent person who is guilty of nothing more than
temporariy bad judgement and she vows never to repeat this moment as
long as her beautiful little child needs her. Here's is what this
woman said:

"I seem to "sweat the small stuff", mostly with my child. I'm looking
for a small poster or framed piece, that has tips for me to read 
daily, maybe as I pass by it. I have all the "don't sweat the small 
stuff" books, I don't want those. Tonight, my 5 yearold asked me to 
snuggle him on the couch and I said no let me do the dishes first. I 
finished 10 minutes later, went to go be with him and he was asleep. 
I'm beating myself up over it because I turned my child down for 
cuddly time. One should never turn that down from a child. I get 
sidetracked and I don't want to miss the little enjoyments like that 
anymore. So I'm looking for something short and sweet that will have 
little sayings or whatnot written down that I can post on fridge or 
wall. I need reminders to let the small things go and be a better 
parent."

This was written by a very wise young lady. Read this every day, and
learn from it. I know you will.

Regards;
tutuzdad-ga

I know this isn't quite what you're looking for, but it's worth having
on the fridge just the same (I speak as the parent of 4 and 8 year old
boys, and believe me, it's hanging on our fridge and re-read
often...):

http://www.swopnet.com/ed/If_I_Had.html

Hello Violet,

I know the feeling.  I've been a stay-at-home mother since just before
my eldest was born (he's 11 now, and his baby brother is 7), and
occasionally still find that I get more worried about unimportant
things.

I joined Mothers At Home ( http://www.familyandhome.org ) to help keep
my priorities in order, and learned this little reminder, which my
sister in-law kindly wrote out in calligraphy for me:

"On Judgement Day
If God should say
'Did you clean your house today?'
I will say
'I did not.  I played with my children.
...and I forgot.' "

The author is unknown.

Hang in there, Violet.  We all suffer this to some degree.  It's hard
to learn to let the housework sit, but you can do it!

--Missy

Hi violet13,

Here's a group of quotes for you.

If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time
with them, and half as much money on them.
Abigail Van Buren
*****

Your children need your presence more than your presents. 
Jesse Jackson
*****

Of all nature's gifts to the human race, what is sweeter to a man than
his children?
Marcus Tullius Cicero
*****

The most precious moments of my life are those I spent rocking,
cuddling and singing lullabyes to my child.
Christina Bublick, Founder, www.loveabye.com
*****

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang up my first painting
on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I
thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for
me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I
believed there is a God I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I
felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw that you cared, and I wanted
to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I LOOKED....and wanted to say
thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.
Unknown
*****

God has sent children into the world, not only to replenish it, but to
serve as sacred reminders of something ineffably precious. Children
are like the seeds planted in the ground. They must be watered daily.
With constant care and attention, the seed will grow into a plant and
eventually flower.
Shimichi Suzuki
*****

Don't just tell your child you love him - show him. 
Coley Lamprecht
*****

Babies need people: talking, laughing, warm-hearted people, constantly
drawing them into their lives and offering them the world for a
playground.
Dorothy Butler, author 
*****

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers
who remake the bed after their children do it because there's a
wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.
Erma Bombeck

Best regards,

tlspiegel

"Be here now."

"Live in the moment for this moment will never come again."

Also, the Serenity Prayer is a wonderful reminder:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the
difference."

Best regards,
journalist-ga

Have you looked in any Christian bookstores for items like that? You
might want to browse them one of these days.

This song was released when my eldest son was just a little 'un. 
These haunting lyrics have taunted me and prodded me for many years to
do just what you're wishing to do - take time for the important
things, time to be with your child.  I sure didn't succeed perfectly. 
My sons are grown now, and though I'm proud of the fine, healthy,
handsome men they've become, and have a good relationship with them
both, I sometimes still hear the echoes of these lyrics in my mind,
and wish foolishly and futilely and desperately for just five minutes'
time to cuddle one of those little boys again. But I never will.  Nor
will you, as you so wisely already realize. So take these words to
heart, and may your child remember the cuddle times.

A child arrived just the other day,
He came to the world in the usual way.
But there were planes to catch, and bills to pay.
He learned to walk while I was away. 
And he was talking 'fore I knew it, and as he grew,
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad.
You know I'm gonna be like you."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then."

My son turned ten just the other day.
He said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on let's play.
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today,
I got a lot to do." He said, "That's ok."
And he walked away, but his smile never dimmed,
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah.
You know I'm gonna be like him."

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon. 
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then.
You know we'll have a good time then." 

Well, he came from college just the other day,
So much like a man I just had to say,
"Son, I'm proud of you. Can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head, and he said with a smile,
"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys.
See you later. Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

I've long since retired and my son's moved away.
I called him up just the other day.
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind."
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time.
You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kid's got the flu,
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad.
It's been sure nice talking to you."
And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me,
He'd grown up just like me.
My boy was just like me.

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon,
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when,
But we'll get together then, dad.
You know we'll have a good time then."

"Cat's In The Cradle" 
--Lyrics by Harry Chapin

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who wrote to me. You guys
were a big help when I was feeling down. All of you made me feel
better. Thak you so much.- violet13

hi,violet - just recently discovered Google Answers, and Parenting was
one of the first sub-sites i checked on.  although my "babies" are now
33 and 17, i well remember that conflict of adult responsibilities
versus a child's needs and concepts of time.  my mother reminded me
that when my sisters and i were little, she kept uppermost in her mind
that we weren't going to be little very long, and that she'd far
rather have us remember that mommy played on the floor with us, always
had time for cuddling, making a mess of the kitchen baking cookies, or
made time to sew us doll clothes, rather than our remember a spanking
clean house with no dust bunnies under the bed.  our children aren't
little very long, and before you know it - really! - they'll be grown
and gone, with little time for you & less inclination for you to be
the center of their world.  of course, as parents, if we do our jobs
well, we work our way OUT of a job ~ they grow up healthy,
well-adjusted and happy, and leave us to start their own lives as
adults.  i think you'll be fine - the very fact that you've thought
about this shows me that you're a good mommy.  in the meantime, here's
a poem i found that i hope might be one of the reminders you post on
the 'fridge, for those times when you need to listen to your heart &
not your head:

IF I HAD MY CHILD TO RAISE OVER AGAIN
by:  Diane Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger-paint more, and point the finger less.
I would do less correcting and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I'd do more hugging and less tugging.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

* * *

Good luck, sweetie.  I think you'll do great.


m. blaine davis
little rock, arkansas