Hi glog,
Your point is a good one. Although many of us would not question the
idea of a two-year old sleeping with his mother, even the most liberal
of us would probably question the idea of an 18-year-old sleeping with
his mother. So, where is the line drawn?
Unfortunately, in all of my research I am unable to find any
definitive statement or scientific study that gives a guideline as to
"how old is too old" for a child to be sleeping with a parent. What I
do see however is that all of the research focuses on children under
the age of 13. And most of it focuses on infants and pre-school
children.
What I am gleaning from this is that infant and preschooler
co-sleeping is considered to be par for the course in many households
and by many professionals, and that co-sleeping until adolescence is
not entirely unheard of or unaccepted either. After that, I can find
no reference.
To answer your questions, let's start by taking a high-level look at
the body of research on the practice of co-sleeping or bed-sharing.
Please note that, given the emotional nature of this issue, I have
endeavored to separate the wheat from the chaff, by drawing most of
this answer from peer review research papers rather than from the
popular press.
The downside of this is that there are few cases where you can read
the entire article online for free. I have provided you with excerpts
from and links to the online abstracts. In some of those cases the
abstract page includes a link to the entire article, but in most cases
you will have to pay a fee to read it online.
All of the abstracts do include a full bibliography as well, so if you
are interested in a particular study, you may be able to read it at
your local library or a nearby University library.
Finally, much of the medical literature regarding co-sleeping centers
on the safety of infants in the parents' bed. Issues ranging from
sleep disturbance (of both mother and infant) to death by suffocation
and SIDS have been examined in numerous studies. Since your interest
is not in infant bed-sharing, I'll skip the specific research on that
topic except where it applies to overall trends.
===========================
TRENDS AND STATISTICS
============================
Co-Sleeping: Incidence: General
Preschool Children: 35-55%
School Aged Children: 10-23%
http://www.fpnotebook.com/PSY127.htm
==============================
Trends in infant bed sharing in the United States, 1993-2000: the
National Infant Sleep Position study.
Willinger M, Ko CW, Hoffman HJ, Kessler RC, Corwin MJ; National Infant
Sleep Position study.
Pregnancy and Perinatology Branch, Center for Research on Mothers and
Children, National Institute of Child Health and Human Development,
National Institutes of Health
" BACKGROUND: Bed sharing with parents has been described as both
beneficial to infant well-being and as a potentially lethal situation.
OBJECTIVE: To examine trends in bed sharing between infants and
caregivers, and the factors that influence this behavior…"
" CONCLUSIONS: Bed sharing as a routine practice is growing in the
United States. Given that this practice seems to be widespread and
strongly influenced by cultural factors, more studies of the
consequences of bed sharing are needed to inform health care providers
and parents on the risks and benefits."
ABSTRACT: Trends in infant bed sharing in the United States,
1993-2000: the National Infant Sleep Position study.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=12517193&dopt=Abstract
=====================================
CO-SLEEPING - PSYCHOLOGICAL RESEARCH
=====================================
The psychological effects of co-sleeping on children, (especially
those concerning their eventual sexuality) have also been examined.
This widely-cited study gives a good picture of those results.
----------------------
"The relationship between adult sexual adjustment and childhood
experiences regarding exposure to nudity, sleeping in the parental
bed, and parental attitudes toward sexuality."
Lewis RJ, Janda LH.
Department of Psychology, Old Dominion University, Norfolk, Virginia
23508.
" The relationship between adult sexual functioning and childhood
experiences with exposure to nudity, sleeping in the parents' bed, and
parental attitudes toward sexuality was examined. … "
"…The results suggest that childhood experiences with exposure to
nudity and sleeping in the parental bed are not adversely related to
adult sexual functioning and adjustment. In fact, there is modest
support that these childhood experiences are positively related to
indices of adjustment. …"
ABSTRACT: The relationship between adult sexual adjustment and
childhood experiences regarding exposure to nudity, sleeping in the
parental bed, and parental attitudes toward sexuality.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=3421828&dopt=Abstract
---------------------
Cosleeping in a community sample of 2- and 3-year-old children.
Madansky D, Edelbrock C.
Department of Pediatrics, University of Massachusetts Medical School,
Worcester 01655.
"A randomly selected community sample of 303 parents of 2- and
3-year-olds were interviewed about child sleep behaviors and completed
the Child Behavior Checklist for Ages 2-3, a standardized rating scale
for child problem behaviors…. Cosleeping is common at this age and is
not related to general maladjustment. However, frequent cosleeping is
closely intertwined with child sleep problems."
ABSTRACT: Cosleeping in a community sample of 2- and 3-year-old
children.
http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/cgi/content/abstract/86/2/197
----------------------------
This study is not focused on co-sleeping, but does address it as a
factor (amongst many) with regard to sexual awareness and behavior in
children. Note that the term "sexual behavior" is not to be construed
as aberrant behavior. The point of the study was to highlight the
normalcy of a large number of sexual behaviors in children.
Normative Sexual Behavior in Children: A Contemporary Sample
William N. Friedrich*, Jennifer Fisher*, Daniel Broughton*, Margaret
Houston*, and Constance R. Shafran
"…Parents who reported a more relaxed approach to co-sleeping,
co-bathing, family nudity, opportunities to look at adult
movies/magazines, and witness intercourse, also reported higher levels
of sexual behavior in their 2- to 12-year-old child, even after
controlling for the effects of several other family variables."
FULL TEXT: Normative Sexual Behavior in Children: A Contemporary
Sample
http://home.wanadoo.nl/ipce/library_two/frie/friedrich_text.htm
---------------------
Co-sleeping: gender differences in college students' retrospective
reports of sleeping with parents during childhood.
Billingham RE, Zentall S.
Department of Applied Health Science, Indiana University, Bloomington
47405, USA.
" 161 women and 111 men, Caucasian college students, provided
retrospective information about their patterns of sleeping during
childhood…. more women reporting that they co-slept with their parents
during their first week and first month after birth, but a greater
percentage of men than women reported that they co-slept with their
parents at older ages. It appears that girls are removed from the
parents' room at a younger age and more frequently than are boys…."
ABSTRACT: Co-sleeping: gender differences in college students'
retrospective reports of sleeping with parents during childhood.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=9009799&dopt=Abstract
=======================================
CO-SLEEPING – CULTURAL DIFFERENCES
=======================================
The practice of co-sleeping has been examined in various cultures,
both within the US and in other countries. Below is an excellent
article examining our cultural biases and how they affect the research
(and results) of studies focusing on co-sleeping:
---------------------------
Cultural Influences on Infant and Childhood Sleep Biology, and The
Science that Studies It: Toward a More Inclusive Paradigm
James J.McKenna Ph.D.
Professor of Anthropology and Director,
Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory
University of Notre Dame
Published In Sleep and Breathing In Children: A Developmental Approach
JLoughlin, Jcarroll, CMarcus, (Eds.)
FULL TEXT: Cultural Influences on Infant and Childhood Sleep Biology,
and The Science that Studies It: Toward a More Inclusive Paradigm
http://www.nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/culturalarticle.html
-----------------------------
Cosleeping and sleep problems in Hispanic-American urban young
children.
Schachter FF, Fuchs ML, Bijur PE, Stone RK.
Dept of Pediatrics, New York Medical College, Metropolitan Hospital
Center, NY 10029.
"To assess whether the traditional pediatric prohibition against
cosleeping in the parental bed requires reconsideration for urban
ethnic minorities, cosleeping and sleep problems were studied in a
sample of Hispanic-American, east Harlem, New York City, children 6 to
48 months of age. The incidence of frequent all-night cosleeping was
found to be 21%, significantly higher than the documented rate of 6%
found in a representative sample of white middle-American urban
children of the same age and sex…."
ABSTRACT: Cosleeping and sleep problems in Hispanic-American urban
young children.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=2788867&dopt=Abstract
------------------------------
Cosleeping in urban families with young children in the United States.
Lozoff B, Wolf AW, Davis NS.
The prevalence and correlates of sleeping in the parental bed among
healthy children between 6 months and 4 years of age are described. …
In this cross section of families in a large US city, cosleeping was a
routine and recent practice in 35% of white and 70% of black families.
Cosleeping in both racial groups was associated with approaches to
sleep management at bedtime that emphasized parental involvement and
body contact…."
ABSTRACT: Cosleeping in urban families with young children in the
United States.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=6462817&dopt=Abstract
-------------------------------
Infant-parent bed sharing in an inner-city population.
Brenner RA, Simons-Morton BG, Bhaskar B, Revenis M, Das A, Clemens JD.
Division of Epidemiology, Statistics, and Prevention Research,
National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, National
Institutes of Health
" BACKGROUND: In the United States, infant-parent bed sharing is a
controversial and poorly understood practice… Few studies have
examined normative practices in low-income populations… "
"CONCLUSION: Bed sharing was common in this inner-city population, and
sleep practices were relatively stable during the first 7 to 12 months
of life. These findings underscore the need for additional research
clarifying the benefits and risks of bed sharing…."
ABSTRACT: Infant-parent bed sharing in an inner-city population.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=12517192&dopt=Abstract
---------------------------------------------
Cosleeping in young Korean children.
Yang CK, Hahn HM.
Department of Psychiatry, Dong-A University College of Medicine, 3
Ga-1, Dongdaesin-dong, Seo-gu, Busan 602-735, Korea.
"This study was an attempt to evaluate the present profile of
parent-child cosleeping … in Korea. … The incidence of cosleeping was
377 (88.2%). … The practice of cosleeping in young Korean children is
very common and socially acceptable to Korean parents as a natural
part of the child-rearing process. Korean family values and a cultural
value system emphasizing familial bonds and interpersonal
interdependence seems to act as positive reinforcing factors for the
practice of cosleeping."
ABSTRACT: Cosleeping in young Korean children.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=12055497&dopt=Abstract
------------------------------------
Cosleeping in context: sleep practices and problems in young children
in Japan and the United States.
Latz S, Wolf AW, Lozoff B.
A Professional Corporation, Pacific Palisades, Calif, USA.
" OBJECTIVE: To determine the relationship between cosleeping and
sleep problems in cultures with very different sleep practices…. "
"RESULTS: More Japanese than US children coslept 3 or more times per
week … All cosleeping Japanese children regularly slept all night with
their parents (vs. 11% of US cosleepers..). … Most Japanese children
had adult company and body contact as they fell asleep, and fathers
slept separately in 23% of families. …. "
"CONCLUSIONS: Cultural differences seem to influence the relationship
between sleep practices and sleep problems. The experience of the
Japanese families indicates that cosleeping per se is not associated
with increased sleep problems in early childhood…"
ABSTRACT: Cosleeping in context: sleep practices and problems in
young children in Japan and the United States.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=10201715&dopt=Abstract
=============================================
CO-SLEEPING IN CASES OF DIVORCE or SEPARATION
==============================================
This study indicates that mother-child co-sleeping occurs with greater
frequency if the father is absent.
The cosleeping habits of military children.
Forbes JF, Weiss DS, Folen RA.
Department of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, Tripler Army Medical
Center, Honolulu, HI 96895.
Cosleeping is a topic frequently of concern to parents; however,
little objective evidence exists to support the historical prohibition
against children sleeping in the same bed with their parents. Surveys
from the parents of 86 children … in a group of military dependents
aged 2 to 13 years. Shown is a significant increase in cosleeping with
father absence …"
ABSTRACT: The cosleeping habits of military children.
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?cmd=Retrieve&db=PubMed&list_uids=1620382&dopt=Abstract
-----------------------
This leads us to a discussion on separated or divorced parents
co-sleeping with children. You don't say how long your daughter has
been separated from the child's father, but especially early in a
separation, co-sleeping seems to be a common practice. Even in cases
where it is initiated by the child, it may be subtly encouraged by the
parent.
*** PLEASE NOTE : I was unable to find any peer review articles that
discussed the impact or divorce or separation on the sleep location of
children. All of the articles and statements below are from popular
press articles or websites and none include scientific citations.
------------------------
" Sometimes, in families where divorce has occurred, it is the
parent's emotional needs, as much (or even more) as the child's need
that results in the parent allowing the child to sleep in the same
bed."
Subject: Sleeping in bed with mom
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/ChildBehavior/messages/31931a.html
----------------------
"… parents need to step back and look at why they are sharing a bed
with their child. In situations of divorce or parental strife,
sometimes the parent uses the sleeping arrangements for his or her own
comfort or to lash out at a spouse. "Ask yourself what you’re trying
to accomplish," says Dr. Holt. "Are you seeking acceptance because you
feel disconnected? The parent has to be real careful—who becomes the
caretaker? Sometimes the parent needs to be the adult and find other
ways to get his or her needs met."
"Because the parent is the authority figure, sometimes it can create
an unfair situation for a child who might want to move into his or her
own bed, but fears upsetting or abandoning the needy parent."
CHILDREN SLEEPING WITH PARENTS
http://216.239.33.104/search?q=cache:DpbtyFXEzlUJ:www.augustaparent.com/feature2.html+divorce++child+sleeping+parent+bed&hl=en&ie=UTF-8
-------------------
"… When her husband leaves, a wife may feel lonely, abandoned, and
frightened at being alone. The bed can seem like a pretty empty and
cold place to be each night … A divorcing mother or father can
directly or unintentionally seek to assuage these feelings by having
their child sleep with them. "
"… The child, in this situation, is placed in a position of taking
care of an adult's emotional needs. This may intensify and complicate
the common concern children may have in a divorce about the other
parent being lonely when they are not with them. When a child sleeps
with the opposite sex parent he/she is placed in a role that belongs
to an adult and that can be burdensome and confusing to that child's
developing sexual identity." *
DIVORCE ONLINE - HAVING YOUR CHILD SLEEP IN YOUR BED
http://www.divorceonline.com/articles/f754531.html
* note that I was unable to find any peer reviewed articles to
substantiate the above assertion. The author of the article is a
social worker.
================================
OTHER POPULAR PRESS ARTICLES
=================================
Teen Sleeping With Parent
http://www.bonusfamilies.com/Ask%20Dr%20Susan/teen_sleeping_with_parent.htm
So, that's the extent to which I was able to research your question.
I hope I've been able to shed a bit of light on the whole issue of
children sleeping in bed with their parents. Since I'm not a child
development specialist I won't presume to offer advice or suggestions
but will leave the interpretation of all this up to you.
If you'd like to read more on the subject, use my search terms below
either in Google or in PubMed.
Thanks so much for your interesting question. If anything I've said
isn't clear, or if any of the links don't work for you, please feel
free to use your CLARIFY QUESTION button to ask me to clarify and I'll
be happy to get back to you.
search strategy –
PUBMED Search
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/entrez/query.fcgi?CMD=Search&DB=PubMed
GOOGLE Search:
://www.google.ca/
Using various combinations of the terms:
Cosleeping / co-sleeping
"bed sharing"
bed / sleep
children /child
mother / father
boy / girl
adolescent / adolescence
teen / teenager
sex / sexuality / "sexual identity"
psychology
behavior |
,
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