Looking for an old record about "16 Old Ladies Locked in the Lavatry"
or ("16 Old Ladies Locked in the Laboratory").  The songs are about
Elizabeth, etc., like, "there was an old woman, Elizabeth Wooster,
couldn't see as good as she useter, sat on her teeth and thought
someone goosed her, and everyone knew she was there," or, "There was
an old woman, Elizabeth Brown.  Her dress went up and wouldn't come
down.  Everyone said, Isn't that Fanny Brown?  And nobody knew she was
there."  The record ends goes through 16 Elizabeth and ends with, "oh
dear, what can the matter be?  16 old ladies locked in the 'lavatry'. 
Oh dear, what can the matter be?  Nobody knew they were there!"

My parents had the record back in the 50's, along with some cute Spike
Jones records.  Can't find any of them now.

---

Request for Question Clarification by clouseau-ga on 15 Aug 2003 21:19 PDT

Hello mish3456,

I just researched this for you and found the history of the song, who
recorded it, when recorded, the label and record number...but can not
find a copy for sale anywhere.

If this would suffice, say the word and I will be happy to post my
findings.

Regards,

-=clouseau=-

I remember this song vividly. When I was a young person, my parents
had several LP records that they kept in a locked cabinet because they
thought that these records were a bit too "adult" for my childish
ears. Naturally, every time mom and dad left the house, my brother and
I picked the lock, got into the cabinet, and had a whopping good time
listening to the "naughty" records. My favorites were the Rusty Warren
"Knockers Up" albums and a series of LPs by the bawdy balladeer Oscar
Brand.

The song you're describing is Oscar Brand's "Seven Old Ladies Locked
in the Lavatory." It is on Volume III of Oscar Brand's "Bawdy Songs
and Backroom Ballads" series, which was reissued several times by
Audio Fidelity Records in the 1960s, but is rather hard to find these
days. Fortunately, there are 2 LPs offered right now on eBay.

Here are links to the eBay auctions:

eBay
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2551188785&category=1075

eBay
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2551581017&category=1075

There are also several copies of "Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads,
Volume III" listed here, along with other albums in Oscar Brand's
"Bawdy Songs" series:

MusicStack
http://www.musicstack.com/tsearch/brand,_oscar/bawdy_songs_goes_to_college

To verify that this is the song you want, here is a link to some of
the rather off-color (but hilarious) lyrics of "Seven Old Ladies
Locked in the Lavatory":

Wooden Ships Music
http://www.woodenshipsmusic.com/qa/messages/414.html

To ensure that my memory hasn't failed me, and that the song is indeed
on "Bawdy Songs and Backroom Ballads, Volume III," here's a link to an
index of folk songs which lists the song's name and gives the name of
the LP on which it may be found:

Folk Index
http://folkindex.mse.jhu.edu/S06.htm#Sevolla

This newsgroup post also mentions the song as being on the album
mentioned:

Post from rec.humor newsgroup
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=%22seven+old+ladies%22+%22oscar+brand%22+lp&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&newwindow=1&safe=off&selm=19970625183500.OAA22606%40ladder02.news.aol.com&rnum=2

Google search strategy:

Google Web Search: "oscar brand" + "seven old ladies" 
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22oscar+brand%22+%22seven+old+ladies

I hope this enables you to re-acquaint yourself with the delights of
Oscar Brand and his earthy sense of humor! If anything is unclear, or
if any of the links do not work for you, please request clarification;
I'll be glad to offer further assistance before you rate my answer.

Best wishes,
pinkfreud

---

Request for Answer Clarification by mish3456-ga on 16 Aug 2003 10:50 PDT

Your answer is interesting, but does not accurately take care of my
question.  I (and my husband) definitely recall hearing the record,
and we both remember it to be 16 (not 7) Old Ladies Locked in the
Lav'ratry.  It goes by the tune of "Oh dear, What can the matter be? 
Johnny's so long at the Fair".  We think we listened to the tune on a 
78 rpm record.  It would appear that researcher clouseau-ga has come
closer with his answer regarding 16 Old Ladies Stuck (however we
remember the word 'locked') in a Lav'ratry.  But I thank you for your
response.

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 16 Aug 2003 11:12 PDT

I apologize for misidentifying the record. I had only heard the Oscar
Brand recording, so I didn't know there were so many songs with
various numbers of old ladies in lavatories! As you can see from the
result of this Google search, sometimes the title of the song has two
old ladies, three old ladies, five, seven, and on up:

://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22old+ladies%22+%22+in+the+lavatory

This is a very old song, and it seems to come in umpteen varieties
(with possibly umpteen old ladies.)

The 78 rpm record described by Clouseau seems to be unavailable
online. If you'd like help in finding Spike Jones recordings, I'd be
glad to offer my assistance. Or, if you'd rather start over with a
different Researcher, you may want to obtain a refund and repost your
question. If you request a refund, you will not be charged for my
erroneous answer.

To apply for a refund:    
    
http://answers.google.com/answers/main?cmd=refundrequest 

Again, I am very sorry to have blundered. 

~pinkfreud

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 16 Aug 2003 14:20 PDT

Here's something interesting: I've found several online references to
this ditty as an old Irish drinking song.

By clicking on the link below, you can listen to a version sung by the
Irish duo Bob and Carl. It's a lot more earnest and soulful sounding
than Oscar Brand's rowdy version!

Bob and Carl
http://www.bobandcarl.com/tracks/Bob_and_Carl-Seven_Old_Ladies.mp3

~pinkfreud

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 16 Aug 2003 14:31 PDT

Here's another version, a bit peppier:

http://www.mortalwombat.com/Audio/Seven_Old_Ladies_Locked_In_A_Lavatory.mp3

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 16 Aug 2003 16:25 PDT

Here's a very long version with lots of old ladies, from an online
songbook of Scottish and Irish songs:

                 SEVEN OLD LADIES
                       -Anonymous
       (Tune: "Oh Dear, What Can The Matter Be?")
            compiled by Joe Bethancourt

  CHORUS:     Oh dear what can the matter be
              7 old ladies got stuck in the lavat'ry
              They were there from Sunday til Saturday
              Nobody knew they were there.

  They said they were going to have tea with the Vicar
  So they went in together cause they thought it was quicker
  But the lavat'ry door was a bit of a sticker
  And nobody knew they were there.

  Now the first was the wife of a Deacon from Dover
  And though she was known as a bit of a rover
  She liked it so much that she thought she'd stay over
  And nobody knew she was there.

  Now the next was the Bishop of Chichester's daughter
  Who went in to pass some superfluous water
  She pulled on the chain and the rising tide caught her
  And nobody knew she was there.

  Now the next old gal was Abigail Humphrey
  Who settled inside just to make herself comfy
  Then she found out that she could not get her bum free
  And nobody knew she was there.
  
  Now another old lady was Elizabeth Bender
  Who was doing all right till a vagrant suspender
  Somehow got caught in a feminine gender
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was old Mrs. Draper
  she went in to find there was no paper
  The only thing there was a brick layers scraper
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The last old lady was old Mrs. Mason
  She had to go quick so she went in the basin
  And that was the water that I washed my face in
  'Cause I didn't know she'd been there.

--- extra verses

  The next old lady was Abigail Splatter,
  She went there 'cause something was surely the matter.
  When she got there, it was only her bladder,
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was Amoeba Garpickle,
  Her urge was sincere, her reaction was fickle.
  She crawled under the door, she'd forgotten her nickle,
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  The next old lady was Hildegarde Foyle.
  She hadn't been living according to Hoyle;
  Was relieved when the swelling was only a boil,
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  The next old lady was Emily Grancy,
  She went there 'cause something had tickled her fancy,
  When she got there, it was ants in her pantsy,
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  The next old lady was extremely fertile,
  Her name was O'Connor, the boys called her Myrtle,
  She went there to repair a hole in her girdle,
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was named Brenda Fraser
  She went in to fix a broken brassiere
  She had drunk nothing but small beer
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was Gwendolyn Daucus
  She had been finding the party quite raucus
  She went there avoiding a fellow named Paucus
  And nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was Susan Van Doozin
  She could not get the man of her choosin'
  She went there and found the art work amusin'
  But nobody knew she was there.

  The next old lady was Antoinette Boomer
  She went there to see what was wrong with her bloomer
  And when she found out, she wished she'd come sooner
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  The janitor came in the early morning,
  He opened the door without any warning.
  The seven old ladies their seats were adorning,
  And nobody knew they were there.
   
---- variant verses:

  The next old lady was Elizabeth Porter.
  She was the Deacon of Dorchester's daughter.
  She went to relieve a slight pressure of water,
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  The next old lady was Agatha Bender,
  She went there to repair a broken suspender,
  It snapped up and ruined her feminine gender,
  (the button flipped into her feminine gender)
  And nobody knew she was there.
   
  Now the next old gal was Abigail Humphrey
  Who settled inside and could not get her bum free
  But then she found out she was really quite comfy
  And nobody knew she was there.

http://www.florilegium.org/files/PERFORMANCE-ARTS/SI-songbook4-art.text

~pinkfreud

---

Request for Answer Clarification by mish3456-ga on 16 Aug 2003 20:39 PDT

Your additional information is priceless!  I believe you are on the
right track.  It appears there were countless renditions of this song,
and I would never say that you "blundered"; however, I would so like
to find the 16 (sixteen) old ladies locked in the Lav'ratry.  I know
for certain, it was not seven.  I can see where some of the old ladies
plights were included in the record that I just listened to.  All the
ladies in that record that I'm trying to find, were referred to as,
"the first old lady, Elizabeth (Wooster - couldn't see as good as she
useter), etc"., then, "the second old lady, Elizabeth,etc."

I can't begin to ask for a refund because it has been a delight just
hearing something close to what I was looking for!  Even though you
haven't found my answer!  I do feel, however, that clouseau is closer
than you in finding my record.

---

Clarification of Answer by pinkfreud-ga on 17 Aug 2003 10:29 PDT

The refund option is good for thirty days from the date you posted
your question, in case you choose to avail yourself of it. I do urge
you to opt for a refund, since my response failed to answer your
question. This would enable you to repost your question at no
additional charge; if you were to request that Clouseau post his work
as an answer, you could then reward him for his labors, which have
been much more useful than mine.

I hope you find your record. After all these years, the old ladies are
going to be VERY eager to be let out of the lavatory.

~pinkfreud

Came up with some interesting information; however, the record I was
looking for was definitely for  "16 Old Ladies Locked (not stuck)
in a Lav'ratry" and the time frame on the record was Monday through
Saturday.

Actually, there is also a version called 16 Old Ladies as you will see
here:


The Blue Pages notes the following:
http://www.hensteeth.com/g_blue.html

Hal GILLES and Herbi HARDT 
--Chicago, late 1940's.

(U.B. 9616) Sixteen Old Ladies Stuck in a Lavatory Part 1...HARGILL
unnumbered
(U.B. 9617) Sixteen Old Ladies Stuck in a Lavatory Part 2...HARGILL
unnumbered

and Herbi HARDT 
--and his Jovial Jesters, United Broadcasting Studios, Chicago c.
1950.
(U.B. 9913) Sixteen Old Ladies Stuck in a Lavatory Part 1...HERBI
HARDT unnumbered
(U.B. 9914) Sixteen Old Ladies Stuck in a Lavatory Part 2...HERBI
HARDT unnumbered
--piano by H. Summer. Mx. numbers point to 1951 as the recording date.


So it seems this dates back to the 40's on 78 RPM records made at
United Broadcasting Studios.

At Some History of Amos 'n' Andy, Part 2, they note:
http://members.aol.com/jeff99500/amos2.html

"...Moeller and Gilles remained active in Chicago radio in various
capacities thru the 1930s, and Hal Gilles has an interesting footnote
to his career -- some time in the late 1940s he teamed up with a
partner by the name of Herbie Hardt, and recorded a risqué,
sold-under-the-counter "party record" called "Sixteen Old Ladies Stuck
In a Lavatory." He went on to become a partner in Hargill Records, a
company which apparently specialized in novelty material of the sort
that Grandpa used to snicker over while Grandma wasn't around..."

Regards,

-=clouseau=-

Dear clouseau, I believe you have come very close to answering my
question, as you have at least come up with "16 Old Ladies".
As I responded to researcher pinkfreud-ga, who I felt supplied some
interesting history, but did not answer my question, the tune is
to "Oh dear, what can the matter be, Johnny's So Long at the Fair"....
   My husband and I both recall listening to the record (we are
59 and 62 years of age), my husband seems to recall hearing it on a
78, and frankly, I can't remember what rpm record it was on;
however,THOUGHT it was a 33 (we were going together from '64 and
married in '68).   The word "stuck" was not part of the song.
We both vividly remember the work "locked".   It went, "Oh dear, what
can the matter be.  The Old Ladies Locked in the Lav'ratry.
They were there from Monday to Saturday; nobody knew they were there"
(to the above-mentioned tune).  Then it went on to
describe the plight of each of the Elizabeths.   The record we heard
may have been an off-shoot of those you referred to.  Thank you
for your answer.  I believe you are on the right track.

I have heard further from researcher, pinkfreud, however, he is not as
near to finding what I'm looking for as you.  He posted some
songs that I listened to, and some of the "old ladies" plights were
the same as in the record I'm thinking of, but the lyrics and the
number of ladies (7) was not correct.  In my record, it goes, "the
first old lady, Elizabeth _________, etc.", then goes on to
describe her 'predicament', then goes on to the "next old lady,
Elizabeth_______, etc., etc.  We definitely had 16 old ladies.

Will appreciate hearing further from you.

Hello mish3456,

As I mentioned in my request for clarification, I am reasonably
confident that this is the song(s) you desire and the information on
the artist, labels, studio, dates, etc. However, I have not been able
to locate a copy for sale at all for you anywhere online including a
reasonable search through a number of the 78 RPM record collector
sites.

That, of course, does not mean a copy can not be found or will not
come up for auction on eBay or the like, but that I am at a loss to
further locate one at this time.

Armed with the above information, you might email a selection of sites
listed under a search for 78 RPM record +buy OR store OR dealer and
ask them to keep an eye out for you if a copy should happen to pop up.
I greatly doubt this was a large seller, even when new, and copies are
probably very scarce.

You also might try emailing Dr. Demento, a collector of this type of
music and radio personality, to see if he can be helpful at all. I did
check and did not see this in any of his collections for sale.

http://www.drdemento.com/

Good luck in your search!

Regards,

-=clouseau=-

Again, dear clouseau, thank you for your response.  You have added a
smidge of liveliness to my and my family's life.  You can't
imagine what fun you have added.  I do appreciate all your research
and your response to my question.  I probably will never find
a copy of what we heard as "youngsters", but so much fun to at least
find a connection to the past to pass on to my two children.
Thank you.

I don't seem to have an option to rate you.  However, I may, as a
newcomer, not be doing something correct.  I would definitely rate
you 5 stars for coming up with the information that you did.  Thank
you for all your research.