Hello grammatoncleric-ga:
I'm doing something I don't normally do: posting a partial (albeit
nearly complete) answer. I've not yet heard back from some of the
experts I contacted and likely won't until next week. When I do hear
back, I'll post their comments as an "Answer Clarification."
Your fascinating question ultimately reveals how little this matter
has been studied: the lingering effects of growing up with a sibling
who is addicted to drugs and/or alcohol.
Based on anecdotal evidence and the puny amount of clinical study done
so far, it seems siblings of addicts are very much analogous to
parents and children of addicts: they suffer feelings of guilt over
their helplessness to stop the addiction once and for all, and a
profound sense of shame and even social stigma (everyone in the
neighborhood -- or town -- knows about your sibling's addiction). The
addict causes a total disruption of "normal" family life, and since
the addicted sibling is always the center of attention, the addict's
siblings are often neglected by parents.
Not surprisingly, given what we now know about genetics (in addition
to environmental factors), siblings of addicts, just like children of
addicts, are prone to developing addiction problems, themselves. See
"Addicted to pleasure - nature of drug addiction":
http://www.globalchange.com/drugs/TAD-Chapter%203.htm
"Sons of alcoholic fathers who are brought up by sober foster parents
are
still eight times more likely to become alcoholics than their fostered
siblings born of a non-alcoholic father. As many as seven out of ten
alcoholics may carry the Dopamine D2 receptor A1 gene, compared to
only one
in five of the general population.The gene is also more common among
cocaine
addicts. It may be linked with other kinds of sensation-seeking
behaviour or
compulsive behaviour . . . "
Even those who grew up in a home with an addict but who don't become
addicts themselves often become "para-alcoholics," in the
substance-abuse vernacular; that is, they take on the characteristics
of an addict.
See this list of "Characteristics of Adult Children of Alcoholics" at
Psychpage.com. Based on anecdotal evidence (cited below), these same
characteristics seem to apply -- *in general* -- to immediate family
members who grew up in a household with an addict:
http://www.psychpage.com/learning/library/assess/subabuse2.htm
"1 Isolation, fear of people, and fear of authority figures
2 Difficulty with identity issues related to seeking constantly the
approval of others.
3 Frightened by angry people and personal criticism.
4 Have become an alcoholic yourself, married one, or both. A
variation
would be the attraction to another compulsive personality such as a
workaholic. . . .
5 Perpetually being the victim and seeing the world from the
perspective of
a victim.
6 An overdeveloped sense of responsibility. Concerned about the
needs of
others to the degree of neglecting your own wants and needs. This is a
protective behavior for avoiding a good look at yourself . . .
7 Feelings of guilt associated with standing up for your rights. It
is
easier to give into the demands of others.
8 An addiction to excitement. Feeling a need to be on the edge, and
risk-taking behaviors.
9 A tendency to confuse feelings of love and pity. Attracted to
people that
you can rescue and take care of.
10 Avoidance of feelings related to traumatic childhood experiences.
. .
Denial of feelings.
11 Low self-esteem. A tendency to judge yourself harshly and be
perfectionistic [sic] and self-critical.
12 Strong dependency needs and terrified of abandonment. . . .
13 Alcoholism is a family disease which often results in a family
member
taking on the characteristics of the disease even if they are not
alcoholics
(para-alcoholics). Dysfunctional relationships, denial, fearful,
avoidance
of feelings, poor coping, poor problem solving, afraid that others
will find
out what you are really like, etc.
14 Tendency to react to things that happen versus taking control and
not
being victim to the behavior of others or situations created by
others.
15 A chameleon. A tendency to be what others want you to be instead
of
being yourself. A lack of honesty with yourself and others."
Research (what little there is regarding siblings) still concentrates
on
genetics and how siblings may influence each other regarding drug use:
The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at
Columbia
University published a study in 2002:
http://www.casacolumbia.org/usr_doc/TeenSurvey2002.pdf
Under "Table Of Contents," click on "Siblings: Protectors Or Pushers":
"We found that sibling behavior has a major influence -- for good or
ill --
on a teen's substance abuse risk. An older sibling can be a protector
whose
conduct provides a support system that helps a younger sibling stay
substance free. Or a sibling can be a pusher in the home by the
example of
his or her own drug use . . . ."
Narconon posted a January 2003 study that determined "Teens who smoke
marijuana at an early age are more likely than their siblings to use
more
dangerous drugs later on or to become addicted to drugs or alcohol . .
. .
The study found that a twin who smoked marijuana before the age of 17
was up
to four times more likely to use other drugs and up to six times more
likely
to abuse drugs or alcohol, compared to their twin sibling who did not
smoke
at an early age . . . .":
http://www.drug-rehabilitation.info/news-3.htm
Narconon also notes at its site: "Family members often try to protect
an
addict from the results of his behavior by making excuses to others
about
his addiction problem and by getting him out of drug-related jams."
These kinds of co-dependency problems -- a need to "fix it" or
"protect" the
addict -- seem to afflict siblings as well as parents and children of
addicts, from what I could tell from my research.
I also checked support groups for families of addicts:
See some of the heartbreaking discussions among those with loved ones
who are addicts, at the Sober Recovery Message Boards:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=e5a3c92fa648614282e0bd5b1043eddf&forumid=49
The above discussions really highlight how easy it is to fall into the
pitfall of co-dependency and learning to recognize that. "Hating the
yo-yo" is an apt phrase that popped up on the above board, and the
term seems to encapsulate what it's like to live with an addict:
getting your hopes up that things are improving, only to be shattered
when your loved one has another incident. There is also discussion of
tough love: do you literally shut out your loved one in a desperate
attempt to get him or her to stop using drugs? You can imagine how it
would feel to turn your back on your brother or sister.
You can readily see how emotionally exhausted these spouses and other
family members are, yet I didn't happen to stumble upon a post from a
sibling. (You may find one.) Could it be that siblings of addicts feel
that they somehow don't have the right to vent or ask for help; that
that's the province of spouses, parents, and children of addicts?
Again, it's astounding how little the impact of addiction on siblings
has been explored, possibly even by the affected siblings themselves.
I found a BBC report on a British support group for addicts'
families:"Many families of those who misuse drugs feel guilty, ashamed
and unable to cope with many of the spin-off problems. These problems
can be wide-ranging but commonly include theft, deceit, despair,
depression and police involvement.":
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/northamptonshire/3091914.stm
I also found a support group called "From Grief To Action," which is
based in Vancouver, British Columbia:
http://www.fromgrieftoaction.org/about.html
FGTA, as the group calls itself, was formed to help relatives of
addicts, including siblings, cope with "feelings of shame, perceived
guilt, helplessness and grief."
The site also has a very helpful resources page:
http://www.fromgrieftoaction.org/resources.html
which notes "Users of drugs and their friends and families are often
stereotyped and stigmatized by other members of their communities."
So the profound sense of shame associated with children of alcoholics
certainly applies when other relatives are addicts.
FGTA is sponsored in part by the Kaiser Foundation:
http://www.kaiserfoundation.ca/modules/Document.asp?LocID=621&DocID=1040
Kaiser's page of recommended books includes, "Drugs and Your Brothers
and Sisters." (The Rosen Publishing Group Inc, 1992.) "This book looks
at the difficulty of living in a household with a chemically-dependent
brother or sister. It explores the roles that family members may
adopt, such as enabler or clown, and provides suggestions on how to
find help for a brother or sister. The book also stresses the need for
self-help and lists several resources for support."
For first-person accounts, see:
"Addiction's other victims," by Shruti Daté Singh and Hilary Shenfeld,
which
appeared in the January 14, 2003 edition of The Daily Herald (suburban
Chicago newspaper):
http://www.dailyherald.com/special/clubdrugs/story.asp?intID=375813645
"Melanie Minton didn't shoot heroin into her veins. Her 22-year-old
brother was the heroin addict. Yet the Schaumburg woman has suffered
the consequences almost as profoundly as he has . . . . now Minton
can't bear tocope with anyone else's problems. She lost confidence in
her ability to help others because she could not help her brother. . .
. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers: These are the often overlooked
victims of drug abuse . . . .They may feel responsible: 'Why couldn't
I do more to stop it? What did I do wrong?' Sometimes they feel shame:
'People will think less of me when they find out drugs are involved.'
. . . . While the addict is enjoying a nonstop high, those around him
endure financial ruin, marital strife, embarrassment and depression."
In addition to heartbreak and shame, the article highlights how an
addicted child drains parents' attention from other siblings: Minton
"was the 'good kid,' but her parents focused mostly on her brother.
The more he screwed up, the more they were willing to do for him. They
invested so much energy and emotion in him, there wasn't much left for
her."
An evocative, and troubling overview of growing up with an addicted
sibling is revealed in this interview, "A mother's regrets," conducted
with an anonymous source, which appeared in the 6/7/02 Chesterton
(Indiana)Tribune:
http://www.chestertontribune.com/PoliceFireEmergency/a_mothers_regrets.htm
". . . Holidays, birthdays, weddings, graduations, and everything in
between are not the same anymore, because either the addict child is
away in treatment or possibly incarcerated or the addict child hasn't
been home in the past few days. It's not only their presence that is
missed, it's the thought that the child would be graduating from
college right now or this would possibly be their wedding to plan if
it hadn't been for the drugs . . . . Whatever the cycle of addiction,
your family is in turmoil. Life has revolved around the addict child.
Other children's needs haven't always been met because of the crisis
of the moment. Mothers and fathers deal with the situation sometimes
separately and all relationships within the family suffer. Parents
tend to be very suspicious of their other children and their friends
now. The other children resent the implication. They are not only
embarrassed by the behaviors of their addict sibling, but are very
angry for what they see their parents are going through because
so-and-so was so stupid to even use drugs and life as this family knew
it was sucked from everyone . . . ."
And:
Families and Addicts in the Family:
http://www.angelfire.com/nj2/carolslittleangels/famdrugs.html
"Your Family life becomes a real living hell and you can't see any way
out, that is your son / daughter or husband or brother or sister. You
fight because not everyone in the family can deal with this again and
again, they become resentful and so very tired of it all the time. You
may even lose family members because they can't take anymore of this,
or when you see your other children getting hurt by this in so many
ways, well you cry because you don't know what to do or what to say.
Trust me people can be real mean and cruel and nasty. They don't want
it to hit them or affect their family, and if they are with your
children it can happen . . . ."
Then there's this essay, at "Heroin Pages," from a young woman
explaining why she'll no longer attend the funerals of drug victims,
following the drug death of her sister's friends:
http://www.heroinpages.org/past_letters/may_01.html
"I grew up watching my older sister and her friends smoke pot, drink,
trip, coke, dust, e, and I thought they were the greatest. In fact my
friends in high school were choosen [sic] by me to replicate what my
sister's group was doing. They were popular, beautiful, and bright
futures, not to mention good people.They took me on as their child in
some aspects. I was always watched over, and backed, and could always
turn to any of them when I got in over my head. Which happened quite
frequently. So at 15 i was acting like a wild 18 year old . . . . I
never even thought that death was going to be a
consequence. It is. And so is my sad eyes, and my broken heart. And
that i no longer have anyone to look up to. And that I have lost
people that I feel to be siblings to me."
Search Terms:
"siblings of addicts"
"addiction AND siblings"
addiction impacts siblings
"'growing up' brother addict"
"'growing up' sister addict"
"research addicts siblings"
"addicts' siblings"
"'psychological trauma' AND addicts AND siblings"
"'psychological trauma' AND 'dysfunctional family' + addiction"
I am still waiting to hear back from an anti-drug activist who grew up
with
a sibling afflicted with addiction, and a specialist at a rehab
clinic. Of
course, I can't be certain that either or both will reply to my
inquires.
I hope my research has shed at least some light on your provocative
question.
Regards,
nancylynn-ga |
