Dear aunti-ga;
Thank you for allowing me an opportunity to answer your interesting
question.
I truly feel for you. What you are going through is undoubtedly the
worst and most unspeakable nightmare that anyone could possibly have
to endure in terms of relationship interfering obstacles. Having spent
more than the last 20 years in law enforcement I have some insight
into this issue, however, I too am human and understand your desire to
salvage your relationship if it is possible. I will try to be as
unbiased as one could possibly be under the circumstances but I must
also be honest and direct where necessary. In the end I don’t think
you’ll hear the solution that you are hoping will miraculously appear
here – but I suspect you are anticipating that.
Studies have suggested that the recidivism rate (re-offender rate) for
pedophiles falls somewhere in the one-third of all offenders.
Pedophiles are notoriously clever and they are master manipulators of
both children and adults. At times even THEY seem to believe their own
lies and frequently fail to accept the blame for their actions. Some
even privately believe that their deviant behavior is merely a quirky
fetish or openly and aggressively defend it as a constitutionally
protected sexual orientation. After observing study groups of
pedophiles it has been found that they often meticulously plan their
assaults well in advance planning ahead of time for how to gain
confidence, how gain access or how provide a very believable excuse
should they be caught or accused given a multitude of possible
scenarios. The fact is, these people are very ill. Like alcoholics and
drug addicts they may curtail their actions but they remain pedophiles
nonetheless. Very rarely are these people cured of their abnormal
drive to overpower, control and molest innocent children or at the
very least cured from the abnormal drive to be stimulated by the
thought of sexual contact with a child. What’s more difficult to
accept is that on average, according to a study conducted by Amitai
Etzioni, University Professor at George Washington University, an
active pedophile commits approximately 13 illegal sexual acts with
children before being caught THE VERY FIRST TIME.
In my opinion, your ability to remain with this person should be based
upon a number of factors, not the least of which is immediate
treatment. Pedophiles come in a wide variety of packages from violent
career offenders to those who lurk near playgrounds or collect
photographs for their own private viewing. In between is a wide range
of individuals whose personality, social stability, willingness to “be
cured” and a host of other characteristics place him in a large number
of other complex categories. Pedophilia has long been known to be a
progressive obsession and lurking often leads to chatting, chatting to
exposing, and so forth. Needless to say if your loved one has already
progressed to the point that he is making physical contact with
children (i.e., acting on his abnormal urges) then he is most
definitely at a dangerous stage of his mental illness. I would
certainly take this into consideration when making my decision. Many,
but not all, pedophiles don’t stop with sexual contact but eventually
move on to abduction, violent rape, torture and murder – or often
resort to domestic violence with their mainstream partners out of
frustration and resentment.
Another factor of course is whether or not you have children, or have
friends and family who have children, to whom your loved one will
knowingly be exposed. Under no circumstances should you place a child
in this position. In fact, knowing what you now know you can actually
be held civilly and criminally liable in some jurisdictions should he
victimize a child under these circumstances.
Keep in mind that for many pedophiles the sexual urges are
overwhelming. In many cases as well, the disorder is believed to have
manifested itself due to abuse of their own in which they were
victimized by an authority figure as a child. If you are to stay in
this relationship you BOTH will need to get to the bottom of the issue
and find out what the root cause is and treat it. This will require
some therapy but only after a diagnosis is made. Your loved one will
likely have to submit to some painful questioning and honest answering
about his experiences. There are actually some diagnostic tests that
can be conducted to determine the magnitude of his disorder.
Phallometric testing can be done, for example, which measures changes
in penile blood volume occurring simultaneously with the presentation
of varying erotic stimuli. The contingent negative variation (CNV)
system is another approach that works on conjunction with Phallometric
testing, in that it measures brain waves under conditions of sexual
stimulation relevant to pedophilic arousal. Obviously, your loved
one’s willingness to submit to tests like these and accept the
diagnosis and treatment recommendations should be a requirement for
you to remain in the relationship.
Even following diagnosis and a full course of successful treatment,
your loved one will likely be a pedophile (albeit an inactive one
ideally) since the disorder of considered a chronic one. Child
pornography is abundant on the internet and dark street corners all
over the world from the largest cities to the most remote rural
communities. The likelihood that your loved one will never re-offend
is depressingly high. It is not totally impossible for the two of you
to get past this difficult time in your lives, but you must accept the
fact that the dynamics of your relationship has now changed forever. I
am not making light of your situation in any way but simply trying to
draw a parallel example here: You must know what you will be
bargaining for should you choose to stay on. Your life long commitment
to live with this issue will not like taking a thief to the bank every
day; it’ll be more like living in a diamond mine 24 hours a day with a
kleptomaniac. If he was a low level, visually stimulated pedophile who
never physically acted on his urges and he chooses to get treatment
and never re-offends, perhaps he should not endure a life of constant
punishment for his disorder. But for you to remain in the relationship
will require a life long vigilance on your part and I fear that in
order to maintain control over the chronic nature of this behavior the
issue cannot, and should not, be totally forgotten, even if
forgiveness comes easily for you.
Below you will find that I have carefully defined my search strategy
for you in the event that you need to search for more information. By
following the same type of searches that I did you may be able to
enhance the research I have provided even further. I hope you find
that that my research exceeds your expectations. If you have any
questions about my research please post a clarification request prior
to rating the answer. Otherwise, I welcome your rating and your final
comments and I look forward to working with you again in the near
future. Thank you for bringing your question to us.
Best regards;
Tutuzdad-ga
INFORMATION SOURCES
CORRECTIONAL SERVICES OF CANADA
http://www.csc-scc.gc.ca/text/rsrch/reports/r49/r49e_e.shtml
NEWS DIGEST
http://pentecostalevangel.ag.org/pentecostal-evangel/News2003/4628_predators.cfm
PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER
http://www.philly.com/mld/inquirer/news/editorial/3327876.htm
JUVENILES AND SEXUAL ABUSE
http://www.minjust.nl:8080/b_organ/wodc/jv/jv2000-6s.htm
GALE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF PSYCHOLOGY
http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/g2699/0005/2699000576/p1/article.jhtml
WHAT IS A PEDOPHILE AND WHAT TO DO WITH ONE?
http://www.nctimes.net/news/2002/20020707/54223.html
PEDOPHILIA
http://www.mindspring.com/~docld/document/pedophil.htm
CRIMES AGAINST CHILDREN: PEDOPHILIA
http://secondsightresearch.tripod.com/zine/id56.html
CHEMICAL CASTRATION
http://www.csun.edu/~psy453/crimes_y.htm
SEARCH STRATEGY
SEARCH ENGINE USED:
Google ://www.google.com
SEARCH TERMS USED:
PEDOPHILE
RECIDIVISM
TREATMENT
DIAGNOSIS
THERAPY |
