I am a woman who celebrated my 50th birthday mumblemumble years ago --
if celebrated is the correct word for such an abysmal occasion -- so I
figure I'm qualified to offer a few suggestions. It's great to have a
sense of humor about growing old. That way you can call all your
wrinkles "laugh lines," and your expanding midriff can be explained by
saying that you are planning a post-retirement career playing Mrs.
Santa at a department store, and you want to be really
authentic-looking.
My very best friend, a gal I'd known from childhood, was born exactly
six days after me. Naturally, as the years rolled by, we often ribbed
each other about our age. While we didn't make any big deal over 50,
she and I had a blast with gag gifts a decade earlier. Her birthday
was on the 16th of the month, and mine was on the 10th; we agreed to
hold a 40th birthday celebration on the unlucky 13th, midway between
our two birthdays. Here is a description of the gift that got the
biggest reaction:
I bought a cheap brassiere and removed the cups, replacing them by
sewing in white tube socks. This produced a bra with long, dangling
"cups." Using my computer and printer, I created a tag for the
garment. It said "Thongs for the Mammaries! Presenting the Sag Harbor
Cross-Your-Navel Boob-Tube, for the woman with major droopage in the
chesticular area. WARNING: Do not tie occupied tubes into a knot, or
circulatory problems may occur. If your knockers are near your knees,
please exchange this product for our extra-strength model with
self-retracting reel."
I admit that this gift is in questionable taste, but if you know
someone well enough to make fun of her for being old, you probably
know her well enough to know whether she's easily offended. ;-)
Another thing I did for my friend that got a big laugh was to alter a
photo of her (using my computer graphics skills) so it appeared that
she was surrounded by the male dancing group The Chippendales. I then
prepared a birthday card that featured this fake photo, with a note
saying that it was too bad my friend had imbibed so much champagne
that night that she had forgotten what happened during the wild party
with the Chippendales guys. This kind of thing (faking a photo) can be
loads of fun. Here you can look at some work I did for another
customer who wanted a picture of himself with the Pope:
Google Answers
http://www.answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=110783
For tips on how to graft one person's head onto another person's body,
see my answer to this question:
Google Answers
http://www.answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=183161
Of course, if you like, a picture like this, depicting your
sister-in-law in any desired sort of situation, can be created by a
Google Answers Researcher, upon request. There are several Researchers
(including myself) who have computer graphics skills. For a 50th
birthday, it might be cute to have a pic showing the birthday girl as
a granny in a rocking chair, or something similar. And of course
there's always the Chippendales!
======================================================================
Here's a gift that will be remembered. You can order a bouquet like no
other: a dozen extremely dead roses. They are actually specially dried
roses which can be saved for years. One of my friends was given these
on her 65th birthday, as a gag gift from her husband. As an added
touch of the macabre, hubby presented them nicely displayed in a mock
funeral urn. He then sang, to the tune of "Red Roses for a Blue Lady,"
"I got some dead roses for my old lady..." Where he got the urn, I
don't know (is there a place that sells funeral supplies to the
public?) The dead roses, or black silk roses, may be purchased online
from this site:
Dead Roses
http://www.deadroses.com/
I notice that you can purchase a single dead rose. To me, this somehow
seems even better than the dozen. Reminds me of the famous short story
"A Rose for Emily." Hee hee.
======================================================================
There are many websites that sell "over the hill" gag gifts. Here's
one such site that has a large selection of gifts for a 50th birthday:
Over the Hill Gifts
http://www.overthehillgifts.com/50birgifid.html
I give this site credit for laying it on the line with its title:
Gifts for Geezers!
Gifts for Geezers
http://www.giftsforgeezers.com/
======================================================================
This sounds cute: a custom webpage for the fiftysomething birthday girl:
"The OhNo! Card Company offers YOU the opportunity to announce to 'the
world' that your Friend or Relative is now turning 50 through their
very own web page hosted on our unique website OhNo50.com .
Along with your own personalized 50th Birthday message you can also
include a pictorial chronology of their life to date - maybe from
childhood right through to their reaching that BIG 50 or just focusing
on a particular period in their life or maybe even just simply sharing
some of those embarrassing pictures we've all got but wished had been
destroyed. The options are literally endless.
And not just that... why not invite their Family and Friends from
around the world to join in this unique announcement by allowing them
to add their own birthday messages in the BIGBirthday Guestbook
included on the announcement web page**. Perhaps visitors will even
recall some of those really amusing stories and shared 'life
experiences' from their shared past."
Big Birthdays
http://www.bigbirthdays.com/ohno50.html
======================================================================
This is a gift that not only reminds the recipient that she's an old
lady now, but it also has many practical applications: a gift
membership to the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP):
AARP
https://wpp.aarp.org/wpp/gift.html
======================================================================
Here you'll find some party planning tips for an "Over the Hill" birthday:
Party Concepts
http://www.partyconcepts.com/Themes-Over_The_Hill.pdf
NOTE: The file linked above is in .pdf format. You need to have Adobe
Acrobat reader software installed on your computer in order to view
.pdf files. If you do not already have this software, a free download
is available here:
Download Adobe Reader
http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html
======================================================================
This site offers lots of interesting suggestions for a 50th birthday:
FindGift
http://www.findgift.com/Occasions/Birthday/50th-Birthday/
======================================================================
I'll close with a page of menopause jokes. These might make a cute
birthday card (beware: some of these are a bit off-color):
SIGNS THAT YOU MIGHT BE EXPERIENCING MENOPAUSE
http://www.unwind.com/jokes-funnies/menmarriage2/menopause.shtml
======================================================================
Google search strategy:
Google Web Search: "over the hill gifts"
://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22over+the+hill%22+gifts
======================================================================
I hope this is helpful! If anything I've said is offensive, I
apologize. My sense of humor is a little broad (which is only
appropriate, since I'm a little broad myself.) Please request
clarification if needed; I'll be glad to offer further assistance
before you rate my answer.
Best wishes (and a very happy 50th birthday to your sister-in-law!)
pinkfreud |
Clarification of Answer by
pinkfreud-ga
on
08 Nov 2003 20:11 PST
There's always the good old "Lordy, lordy, Sally's forty" or "Ain't it
nifty, Sally's fifty" signs (this particular line works well only if
your sister-in-law is named Sally, but you get the idea.) Occasionally
I've even seen this kind of thing on a full-sized billboard,
positioned in such a way that the birthday person will pass it when
driving to or from work, or to the store.
One of our neighbors had a birthday, and his family had signs printed
that resembled "Wanted" posters from the old west, complete with a
sepia-toned photo of the birthday guy wearing a ten-gallon cowboy hat.
They posted the signs all up and down the block in neighbors' yards
(with permission, of course.) The motto on the sign said something
like "WANTED: For Impersonating a Youngster."
Along the lines of the flamingos, something visible to all the
neighbors: have you thought of parking your car in front of the
birthday girl's house with an age-related banner sign on the car door,
something like "DEPENDABLE ADULT DIAPER DELIVERY," "WRIGHT WRINKLE
WREMOVERS," "BOX O' BOTOX" or "FACELIFTS-TO-GO"?
Then there are the death-related jokes (I'd say those buzzard cookies
certainly fall into that category, so she has it coming!) A yard full
of plastic funeral wreaths on wire easels is always an eye-grabber.
Even better if the wreaths are spray-painted black. I can't speak for
everyone, but to me, one funeral wreath as a prank gift is kind of
creepy, but a dozen is funny.
I'll consult my Google Answers Researcher colleagues for their
suggestions, and I'll get back to you soon with some more ideas.
~pinkfreud
|
Clarification of Answer by
pinkfreud-ga
on
09 Nov 2003 11:26 PST
Here are a few birthday suggestions that I've gathered from my friends
who are Google Answers Researchers. I am not going to credit them by
name, to protect the guilty. ;-)
======================================================================
For my husband's 30th birthday (a few years ago, admittedly, but if
memory serves.......) I had arranged with a friend of his to throw a
surprise party, but we altered the usual formula.
Instead of maneuvering him to the surprise party, we arranged for the
guests to arrive at our house in a group. We were relaxing and in our
jammies (except I had my party duds on under a robe), when the guests
arrived, bringing all of the party goodies with them.
He never suspected a thing.
I can only imagine how much more satisfyingly surprising (read:
embarassing) it would be with a 50 year old woman as the victim, if it
could be arranged that she was very relaxed and in her least
attractive jammies and hair, or all dressed up in her most alluring
jammies ready for a more private celebration.
======================================================================
There were 2 brothers here in Seattle who would trade embarrassing
stunts. The one that I remember is one of them ordering a huge rock
and having it deposited on his sibling's front lawn. In this case it
should be deposited -- and painted with a large white 50. Let me
suggest: 2 rocks, one with a 5 and the other with a 0.
======================================================================
A co-worker turned 50 last year. Her husband hired a plane to fly
around the campus with the message "Happy 50th birthday full-name" on
a banner for an hour. She was getting calls from total strangers at
the university all day long wishing her a happy birthday.
======================================================================
Of all these ideas, I like the yard dinosaurs and the plane with the
birthday banner the best. Another yard decoration that occurred to me:
A life-sized dummy dressed as the Grim Reaper, holding an hourglass
bearing the number 50 and pointing a skeletal hand toward your
sister-in-law's house. Since Halloween is recently over, I bet you can
find skeletal hands at a discount.
~pinkfreud
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