I am saturated by the process of putting together a new Vision
Statement for my organization.  (Mission to come later) My Board has
given some direction but I have seen too many words and get bogged
down.  I am looking for a brainstormer type wordsmith that could play
with concepts and words to come up with an inspirational Vision
Statement of no more than 50 words.

Background:  We are a National non-profit association of approximately
10,000 Co-operative enterprises and Credit Unions in Canada.  We are
moving the association from delivering services directly to members to
creating an a positive environment for this form of enterprise to
flourish over the next 15 years. Securely rooted in the successes of
our past, we want to boldly move into the future. But first we must
know what we want the entire sector of co-operatives ot look like in
2020 ? a vision.

I wonder of you can help.  Here are some thoughts and concepts and a
"bland" draft version.
Vision 2020 for the co-operative sector in Canada: 

Must include notions of how we see ourselves in 2020:  
United, cohesiveness, one voice; recognized, powerful and influential;
growing in market share;
Our characteristics:: 
A distinct form of enterprise owned and democratically controlled by
the people they serve; a perfect counterbalance to the forces of
globalization; we multiply the benefits of co-operation for Canadians;
together we put our knowledge in action for Canadians; we generate and
retain wealth in Canada; we build on the needs of today?s society ; 
we leave a lasting economic legacy for future Canadians

service integration at all levels (national, provincial, local);,
taking charge of local economies.  ..

Draft - Sector Vision 
We are:
?United coast to coast to coast, a Canadian success story,
?Owned by over 50% of Canadians, 
?Recognized as a distinctive form of enterprise owned by the people we serve, 
?Sought after by leaders for our innovative responses to community needs,  
?Proud to impact around the world by sharing our expertise internationally,
We are the co-operatives and credit unions of Canada. 
 
Thanks for helping out.

Hello jyves-ga,

What an interesting question you've given us this evening! Before
diving into the so-called 'wordsmithing', I thought I would find a
guideline for writing vision statements in the interest of maintaining
process :)

The following article describes the writing of a vision statement as a
process that includes the following steps:

1. Go back to basics - create core values
2. Understand the current state of affairs -ook at your processes,
structure, staffing and resources
3. Review your mission statement - can you verify it as your true purpose?
4. Define your core competencies - considering key performance factors
5. Start writing - come up with a series of statements that describe
your ideal organization

http://www.profitguide.com/howto/article.jsp?content=1011

Using the above, I *believe* the information provided in the original
question is a culmination of steps 1-4, however I thought we could
refine the points slightly before formulating the actual vision
statement. Below is a simplification of your original points:

United, cohesiveness, one voice; --> alliance/coalition

recognized, powerful and influential; --> renowned/prevailing force

growing in market share; --> Goal: financial expansion/evolution

A distinct form of enterprise owned and democratically controlled by
the people they serve; --> unique, 'people's' association

a perfect counterbalance to the forces of globalization; 

we multiply the benefits of co-operation for Canadians; --> value-added

together we put our knowledge in action for Canadians; --> knowledge

we generate and retain wealth in Canada; --> standout in the financial sector

we build on the needs of today?s society ; --> proactively monitoring needs

we leave a lasting economic legacy for future Canadians --> mutually beneficial
 
service integration at all levels (national, provincial, local);

taking charge of local economies. --> exploiting organizational form
 
Draft - Sector Vision  
We are: 
?United coast to coast to coast, a Canadian success story, 
?Owned by over 50% of Canadians,  
?Recognized as a distinctive form of enterprise owned by the people we serve,  
?Sought after by leaders for our innovative responses to community needs,   
?Proud to impact around the world by sharing our expertise internationally, 
We are the co-operatives and credit unions of Canada.  

**The above was simply my own thought process so that you can see how
I came up with the final statement :)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Vision Statement (58 words):

"We are a true 'people-driven' organization; a powerful, influential,
client-owned alliance. We leverage co-operation by providing
value-added services and ensuring a lasting economic legacy for future
Canadians. We will remain responsive and innovative to surpass
society?s financial expectations. We will continue to counterbalance
globalization by presiding over local economies. We are the
co-operatives and credit unions of Canada."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------

I wasn't sure how strict that 50 word limit was, so just in case the
above version is too long, you can bring it down to 52 words like
this:

"We are the co-operatives and credit unions of Canada; a powerful,
influential, client-owned alliance. We leverage co-operation by
providing value-added services and ensuring a lasting economic legacy
for future Canadians. We will remain responsive and innovative to
surpass society?s financial expectations. We will continue to
counterbalance globalization by presiding over local economies."


Just for the record, I like the first version better. I would not
suggest trimming down any further than the second version simply
because you have a lot that needs to be said and there is virtually no
"fluff" left to be trimmed.

Please do let me know if something in the statement doesn't ring true
or contradicts a value of the organization and I'll be happy to revise
it for you. That being said, I need to go make a note to open an
account at my local credit union tomorrow :)

Cheers!

answerguru-ga

---

Request for Answer Clarification by jyves-ga on 12 Nov 2003 19:21 PST

OK  - some good words here that I will play with and here is some
further clarification to get it even more inspiring and punchy.

www.coopscanada.coop :that?s the association.

The Vision is for the sector/movement as a whole ? the community of
10,000 co-operative enterprises in Canada.  How can we put in coherent
words what we will be like in 2020.
Some of the most important outcomes already agreed to are: Unity,
cohesiveness, one voice  (for the sector); recognized, powerful,
influential (i.e.: Governments will listen to us);  total market share
has increased dramatically;

Good to know about us is that we are values driven, people trust us
more than corporate enterprise. (and yet we are a best kept secret)

Also we are responding to a societal hunger for dealing with people
and organizations that model integrity, respect, honesty and care for
communities.

The Mission will be about the role of the ASSOCIATION (as an
instrument of the movement as a whole) in making this Vision come
alive.  The Vision is not strictly about the Association as an
organization.

Here?s a generic guide:  

The vision statement is that perfect state that might never be
reached, but which you never stop trying to achieve. A vision is
far-reaching; it describes a utopian place where everything is
perfect. You might never arrive at your vision, but arriving isn't the
important part; it's trying to get there and continually improving
that matters. A clear, common picture of the desired end provides
criteria for decision making. This picture enables and empowers
individuals.

thanx ,
Jyves

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Clarification of Answer by answerguru-ga on 12 Nov 2003 19:28 PST

Hmm, what you are stating is very much along the lines of what was
said in your original question - what exactly are you seeing as
missing from that provided vision statement? Remember that you can't
and shouldn't state everything, just a few representitive and well
formed points.

I noticed you posted antoher question relating to policies and
business plans. A lot of the information you are providing here seems
to be well served in that arena.

answerguru-ga

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Request for Answer Clarification by jyves-ga on 13 Nov 2003 18:04 PST

That's the reason I need a wordsmith! Here are further clarifications
to my clarifications above.

CL: I clarified that: The Vision is for the sector/movement as a whole
? the community of
10,000 co-operative enterprises in Canada.  

PV: The proposed vision is about the organization and not about the
whole membership as a group / industry.

CL:Some of the most important outcomes already agreed to are: Unity,
cohesiveness, one voice  (for the sector); recognized, powerful,
influential 

PV: There is some reference to that in the proposed vision. (not inspiring)

CL:(i.e.: Governments will listen to us); total market share has
increased dramatically;
PV:The proposed vision doesn?t touch this. 
 
CL: Good to know about us is that we are values driven, people trust us
more than corporate enterprise. 

PV: The proposed statement relates to financial performance ? not to values.

CL: (and yet we are a best kept secret)

PV: The proposed statement is silent on that?
 
CL: Also we are responding to a societal hunger for dealing with people
and organizations that model integrity, respect, honesty and care for
communities.

PV: This notion of responding to values are not referenced or implied.

We need to get to soemthing that makes the heart smile and the heart smile. 

Jyves

---

Request for Answer Clarification by jyves-ga on 16 Nov 2003 17:25 PST

Are you still working on this one?

Just let me know if wordsmithing is not your thing.

Jyves

---

Clarification of Answer by answerguru-ga on 16 Nov 2003 17:51 PST

Yes, I will try to have a revised version for you later tonight.

answerguru-ga

---

Clarification of Answer by answerguru-ga on 16 Nov 2003 18:53 PST

OK, here is my attempt to incorporate your additional points (though I
believe I already have addressed some of them).

"We are a 'people-driven' community alliance; a united, powerful, and
influential voice. We leverage power-in-numbers to build relationships
and trust; hold us accountable to sustain economic legacy for future
Canadians. Our responsiveness to client values and continual
innovation will surpass society?s expectations. We will continue to
counterbalance globalization by presiding over local economies. Our
?best kept secret? may be out ? the co-operatives and credit unions of
Canada."

Hopefully this time I hit on all the points you mentioned :)

answerguru-ga

I asked for a brainstormer type wordsmith that could play
with concepts and words to come up with an inspirational Vision
Statement. I got an attempt but the answer did not really get at the
essence of what I was looking for.  I clarified and even provided our
organization's web stie as a backgrounder  but the response did not
improve.
I realize the work was less research than direct wordsmithing but that
was why I was willing to pay a significant amount.  I can't use any of
this.

I still enjoyed the process and the service provided here. 
àTahnks for the refund.

Wordsmithing is a particular skill which I don't thnk the researcher
was real good at.  We move on!!

This is an interesting exercise. Just to add my two bits, I'd suggest
that the bullet points in the draft are actually clearer and easier
for the public to digest. The actual mission statements get a little
bogged down in platitudes. However, a nice piece of work!