Hello, my friend.
In many ways, this question has been one of the most challenging
projects of my GA career. There is, of course, no easy answer;
happiness may be approached by many paths. I am writing from more than
a half century of personal experience and observation; your mileage
may vary. Describing "keys" to happiness implies that there are ten
areas of one's self that are, in some way, locked. The journey toward
happiness is a process of opening the soul's domain, of dismantling
walls and turning them into bridges. These master keys may be applied
to a myriad of doors. I hope some of them will help to let the
sunshine in.
PINK'S TEN KEYS TO HAPPINESS
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1) IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, WANT WHAT YOU GET
2) CULTIVATE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
3) SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
4) LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY... BUT SAYING IT ANYWAY
5) YOUR MASK BECOMES YOUR FACE
6) WHAT THE DOGS TAUGHT ME
7) TANSTAAFL
8) LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH, AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME
9) EVERY AGE IS THE SAME...
10) THERE MUST BE A PONY
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1) IF YOU DON'T GET WHAT YOU WANT, WANT WHAT YOU GET
It is unfortunate that so many of us seem to believe that acquiring
material goods will make us happier. The evidence that this is not
true is everywhere, yet we persist in stuffing our lives with stuff.
Our new toys soon lose their power to amuse, and our old toys are set
aside long before they are worn out. It is my observation that the
happiest people are not the ones who have the largest number of
possessions; the happy ones are those who have learned to reexamine
their collections in a fresh perspective, finding comfort and delight
in familiarity rather than novelty. This is true not only of "stuff,"
but of relationships. When I was a young Brownie Scout, we used to
sing a little song whose lyrics nicely sum this up: "Make new friends,
but keep the old: One is silver, and the other gold."
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2) CULTIVATE AN ATTITUDE OF GRATITUDE
There is great and lasting pleasure in feeling genuinely thankful.
Part of this, I think, comes from the humility of acknowledging that
one is not the greatest thing in the universe and that, even though
one's heart may be flawed and broken, goodness and joy can flow
through the cracks. I don't want to get all theological on you, but I
do believe that an essential part of happiness is a belief in some
sort of power higher than one's self. You may call this Nature, or
God, or Brahma, or the Oversoul. Whatever you call it, it's bigger
than you, and you stand in relationship to it as a child to a parent.
The feeling of thankfulness is a boost to the weary soul.
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3) SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
There's a popular saying that shows up on bumper stickers and
T-shirts: DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. While this may be true in a
certain sense (meaning "don't suffer unnecessary anxiety over trivial
matters), sometimes you've gotta sweat the small stuff so that the big
stuff won't sneak up and bite you in the tuchis. This is particularly
true in relationships: little bitty fine-tuning of disagreements can
help us avert major conflicts. There must be constant balancing and
counterbalancing as we negotiate a marriage, or a friendship, or even
a business arrangement. The refusal to deal with minor problems almost
invariably leads to exacerbation of the problems.
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4) LOVE IS NEVER HAVING TO SAY YOU'RE SORRY... BUT SAYING IT ANYWAY
Another one of those popular sayings that is -- in some ways -- dead
wrong is a famous quote from the novel and film "Love Story": Love is
never having to say you're sorry. Well, phooey. Sometimes you'd darn
well better say you're sorry, whether or not you have to. Maybe we
can't avoid occasional clumsiness and even impulsive
mean-spiritedness. But we can try to mend the wound with a
metaphorical kiss, with the genuine resolve to do better in the
future.
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5) YOUR MASK BECOMES YOUR FACE
One thing that has astonished me as the decades roll by is that I have
gradually found myself becoming what I've pretended to be. I have
always been, by nature, a depressive and negative person; I came from
an unhappy childhood to a miserable adolescence, and grew into a
wretched, selfish adulthood. At a point in my mid-thirties, I
underwent a spiritual change which I will not describe here, except to
say that one of the hallmarks of the change was a powerful desire to
present an exterior of cheerfulness, helpfulness, and kindness, even
when what I considered my "true self" was quite the opposite of these
qualities. Shakespeare summed this up quite well when he said "Assume
a virtue, if you have it not." With the passage of time, we may find
that we are what we pretend to be. Better pick a good persona, because
the role you choose for yourself tends to become inextricably
intertwined with who you really are.
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6) WHAT THE DOGS TAUGHT ME
You can learn a lot from so-called lower forms of life. My three dogs
have been a great help in releasing me from some of my burdens. Here
are a few things I've learned:
* Sniff everything before you swallow it.
* Practice obedience, even when someone's back is turned.
* Never be too proud to beg for something that you really, really want.
* Nap when the urge strikes you, and stretch well before rising.
* Run, jump, and play as if it's your job and you're getting paid
for it.
* Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
* When you're happy, prance around and wag your whole body. This
limbers up the soul.
* If you are scolded, don't go on a guilt-trip and pout; just run
right back and make friends.
* Do not bark for no reason, or everyone will learn to ignore you.
* Don't pass up the opportunity to go for a walk, even if someone else
is choosing the destination.
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7) TANSTAAFL
In his novel "The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress," the great science fiction
author Robert A. Heinlein introduced the acronym TANSTAAFL, which is
short for "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch." By and large,
this is true, yet people keep expecting to get something for nothing
in their interpersonal relationships, in business transactions, and in
their quest for spiritual enlightenment. The closest thing I know of
to a Free Lunch is the grace of God, yet even that has its price. As
C.S. Lewis has said, "The price was cheap. The price was all I had."
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8) LET THERE BE PEACE ON EARTH, AND LET IT BEGIN WITH ME
Like most of my advice, this may sound simplistic and self-evident,
but the deepest truths are often like that: things become clichés
because they are true. Over and over, by many of the world's great
religions and by secular psychology, we are told that we can expect to
get back from life a measure of what we have given out. "What goes
around comes around." "As a man sows, so shall he reap." "And, in the
end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." If we want to
be forgiven, first we must forgive. If we want to be loved, we must be
loving. So simple. So true. And yet so difficult.
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9) EVERY AGE IS THE SAME...
In the wonderful film "Time After Time," the writer H.G. Wells, author
of "The Time Machine," has invented a device with which he travels
through time. Having had many adventures, Wells says this: "Every age
is the same. It's only love that makes any of them bearable." This
applies not only to ages of history, but to the times of a person's
life. Childhood, adolescence, adulthood, old age -- all different, yet
the lifeline of love runs through them like a river bringing life to
the desert. Even in the worst of times, having something or someone to
love (and, hopefully, having that love returned) can make all the
difference.
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10) THERE MUST BE A PONY
My final piece of wisdom is just a joke, but it's one that I've
cherished for many years. It makes a full circle back to Key #1, "If
You Don't Get What You Want, Want What You Get." Like many of the best
jokes, it conceals a message in the laughter:
The parents of twin boys are concerned that the boys' personalities go
to opposite extremes. One of the twins is a total pessimist, while the
other is incessantly optimistic. The parents take the twins to a child
psychiatrist for an evaluation. First the psychiatrist meets the
pessimistic child. Trying to improve his bleak outlook, the
psychiatrist takes the boy to a room piled to the ceiling with shiny
new toys and games. But instead of smiling with joy, the little boy
bursts into tears. "What's the matter?" the psychiatrist asks,
baffled. "Don't you want to play with any of the toys?" "Well, yes,"
the child sobs, "But if I did, I'd only ruin them."
Next the psychiatrist meets the optimistic twin. Trying to dampen the
child's unreasoning enthusiasm, the psychiatrist takes him to a room
piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his
nose in disgust, the optimist emits a whoop of delight. The boy
clambers to the top of the pile and begins scooping out massive chunks
of dung with his bare hands. "What in the world do you think you're
doing?" the psychiatrist asks, just as baffled by the optimist as he
had been by the pessimist.
"Well heck, with all this manure," the little boy replies, beaming, "I
figger there's gotta be a pony in here somewhere!"
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Best always,
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