Please, someone tell me how to get back from a person I once
considered a friend?? Instead of giving me back these clothes, she
tries to analyze my every sentence. All that I want is these clothes
which in one case jeans borrowed 12/99. Tired of her psycobabble, and
her trying to analyze me, I just want back these clothes. We are
playing e-mail tag & I am sick & tired of it, as it could continue
until the "cows come home" Since she was college educated & I am not,
she will continue to use words I have to look up in the dictionary,
then proceeds to tell me I am angry with 2 other women we both know.
The only person I am angry with is her & I have made that perfectly
clear. May I add we are both almost 50 yrs. old. I am sorry she grew
up poor, and if not for myself & My Mom, she wouldn't of had a thing
during our highschool years. I'm sorry her Mom was unstable & killed
herself when we were 14, although like I said, she got through those
years with help from MY MOM & MYSELF. You see, she is a TAKER & I'm a
GIVER. These clothes weren't cheap, otherwise I'd write it off as a
loss
TIA
Mojo55-ga

I don't think she is going to give them back willingly.  Do you have a
mutual friend that can intervene on your behalf?  Otherwise, you may
need to resort to small claims court...

If she's within a reasonable distance, you go round with a bunch of
friends and you have a nice cosy chat.

Then, you ask her politely for the clothes.

If she doesn't deliver, you say 'I'll get them 'em myself, then ...'

And all your friends chime in 'Yeah ... Go for 'em Mojo ... We'll keep
an eye on the bitch ... '

Damn it they are YOUR clothes.

it could be that she doesn't even HAVE the clothes any longer - it's
been 3 or 4 years for that pair of jeans you mention; and your e-mail
battles are just a stalling technique on her part so she can put off
telling you the truth...?   it may also be that your friend is holding
onto the clothes as a way to try and hold onto the relationship, even
tho' it appears the friendship itself has unfortunately been damaged. 
your relationship has been an "unequal" one for many years, with you
as 'giver' and her as 'taker', as you put it; you & your mother were
there for her even in her teenage years [a very delicate era of
emotional transition], and both of you experienced various levels of
trauma in the loss of her mother.  if your relationship as adults was
still based on the teenage years model, she continues to feel
powerless.  she may be using "big words" as an attempt to balance the
equation.  she may be doing this consciously but more likely its just
a coping mechanism she's developed to give herself a pyschological
edge, lacking any other in the relationship.  tell you that who you
are really angry as is OTHER PEOPLE is simple misdirection, and is
what i call "PLAYING CHAOS" - some people just delight in keeping
everyone around them stirred up, in-fighting, back-biting,
name-calling.  it's very juvenile, as you no doubt recognize, but it
may be that your friend never progressed beyond the adolescent stage
in her emotional maturity; you may be kinda stuck there, too, at least
where it pertains to your relationship with her.  neither of you has
MOVED ON into an adult relationship with the other.  in fact, when i
first read your email, i figured it came from a teenager.  i was taken
aback at your admission that you are both in your fifth decade.  you
recognize, i am sure, that your behaviour, and hers, are not worthy of
adults.  if you want to keep or rebuild the friendship, forget the
damn clothes.  let her know that you care about HER, not THINGS. 
"things", expensive or not, can always be replaced, or done without. 
in the long run, it is our relationships by which we define ourselves,
and through which we exhibit either the best or worst facets of our
character.  show her your best - forgive her; stop keeping accounting
books on the friendship [balance your checkbook instead], and go on
from this day forward.  if you cannot do that, you may just need to
forgive her, forget her, and go on.  good luck in whatever you choose.

Your case is very interesting....I think the best way will be to send
a nice e-mail to your ex-friend and tell her politely and sweetly to
return your items.

Hello Lady,

The case is very crystal clear. You have to approach this problem from
a different angle. As it is clear from your question that you have
been BEGGING hard from your friend to returned her back your jeans.
You have already emailed her many times for the jeans which eventually
showed you are on your knees and NEEDY.

Now what if you do the opposite of it? Stop BEGGING,REQUESTING &
ASKING ANYMORE OR even DISCUSSING the issue of Jeans. STOP ALL THE
COMMUNICATION with your friend till the time she will call or email
you. Let her wonder whats wrong with you that you stopped all the
communication with her.

And be assured that she will find herself in a mind-itching situation,
weather to speak or not with you.  BUT SHE WILL EVENTUALLY DO. And at
that time you have to be very precise and clear about your need, that
is your JEANS. Make her clear that is the jeans which is the root
cause and to go further with her you need your jeans returned back
FIRST.

If she initiate the contact through email then let you wait to reply
until she send you second email of wondering about you. Tell her in
the reply to communicate thru phone.  Because on email you can't read
the imotions of a person correctly, though its true for phone also
because on phone you can't see the actual expression of other side's
person. It would be more perfect to meet in person.

And if all these also not work, then God only knows better and you can
then follow Panzel advice.

At the risk of sounding 'holier than thou', maybe it would be worth it
to let it go.  Alright, they cost a lot.  I don't believe that's the
real reason you are spending so much time and aggro over it, though. 
If you really want the relationship to get fixed, try being gracious
and then, Gandhi style, she'll realise what she's doing wrong and
might even end up giving you that old pair of jeans!

Jesus said 'Give without thought of return' and 'If a man asks you to
give you his cloak, let him have your tunic also'.

From the sound of it, you've both had a hard time and perhaps one way
out would be to give her a top to match!