RECENTLY, I POSTED A QUESTION ABOUT HOW TO GET SOME BORROWED CLOTHES
BACK  FROM A PERSON I ONCE CONSIDERED A FRIEND. WHEN I 1ST WROTE &
POSTED IT HERE, IT WAS DONE IN HASTE. BESIDES  THE JEANS BORROWED BACK
IN 12/99,  THERE ARE MANY, MANY MORE CLOTHES  SHE HAS OF MINE. AS WHAT
ANSWERS THAT WERE POSTED, NONE OF THEM WILL WORK. I HAVEN'T RESPONDED
to the last e-mail she sent. I am  sick & tired of this nonesene
playing these stupid games with her. If  anyone out there feels they
can help me out in any way, shape or form. I'd welcome any new idea's
and e-mail me privately as well. i am at my wit's end

TO HER LAST E-MAIL AND WHEN OR IF I DO, SHE WILL SOMEHOW START HER
PSYCOBABBLE & TRY TO ANALYZE ME. I GUESS WITH HER TRYING TO ANALYZE
ME, IT GIVES HER THE "UPPER HAND" AGAIN,  WE ARE REACHING THE 50 
MARK, I'LL BE 49 NEXT MONTH, WITH HER TO FOLLOW IN APRIL. NOW TELL ME,
HOW MANY 40 SOMETHING WOMEN BORROW ONE ANOTHER'S CLOTHES. WHEN I LENT
THESE THINGS TO HER, I NEVER SUGGESTED SHE KEEP THEM FOREVER. I
HAVEN'T BORROWED A DAMN THING FROM HER, AS I DON'T LIKE TO BORROW
ANYONE'S CLOTHES. LIKE I SAID IN MY 1ST QUESTION, WE CAN EXCHANGE
E-MAIL'S UNTIL "THE COWS COME HOME". WHEN THIS FIRST STARTED, SHE HAD
ASKED ME WHAT WAS BOTHERING ME. I TOLD HER I HATED HAVING TO ASK FOR
MY OWN CLOTHES BACK. NATURALLY, SHE GOT DEFENSIVE AND  COPPED AN
ATTITUDE. PLUS, IN THE E-MAILS SHE SAYS JUST TELL ME WHEN YOU WILL BE
HOME & I WILL LEAVE THEM ON THE DOORSTEP. I DID JUST THAT, TOLD HER
I'D BE HOME AND THIS WAS 2 WEEKS BEFORE CHRISTMAS. IN MY 1ST QUESTION
I DIDN'T MENTION THAT  FOR OVER 20 YRS. WE DIDN'T SPEAK TO ONE
ANOTHER.  THIS "FRIEND" TOOK OFF WITH MY  1ST HUSBAND WHEN WE WERE 19.
 TO BE QUITE HONEST, SHE DID ME A BIG FAVOR & I FORGAVE HER . AFTER
SHE DUMPED THE JERK, SHE WENT AS THEY SAY FROM THE FRYING PAN INTO THE
FIRE. I WAS "MARRIED" FOR 2 MONTHS & THEY WERE THE 2 WORST MONTHS OF
MY LIFE. NOW HOWEVER, I TRULY NEED THE CLOTHES & IT IS NOT JUST A FEW
PAIRS OF JEANS. THESE CLOTHES WERE VERY EXPENSIVE & I KNOW SHE HAS
THEM, SHE JUST DOESN'T WANT TO PART WITH THEM. HELL, WHEN MY HUSBAND &
I BOUGHT A NEW VACUUM CLEANER, I GLADLY GAVE HER MY DIRT DEVIL  WITH
NO STRINGS ATTACHED. NEVER A THANK YOU EITHER. THE MORE I THINK ABOUT
IT, THE MADDER I GET & AM VERY HUURT BY HER ACTIONS. IF ONLY SOMEONE
PREFERABLY ANOTHER WOMAN CAN HELP ME OUT WITH THIS, I'D BE FOREVER
GRATEFUL. BTW, THE DIRT DEVIL VACUUM WAS BRAND NEW.  BEFORE HER SISTER
PASSED AWAY  2 YRS. AGO, SHE WARNED ME ABOUT  HER SISTER ( MY SO
CALLED FRIEND )AND HOW ONCE COMFORTABLE SINCE WE STARTED  SPEAKING,
HOW SHE WOULD COME IN MY HOUSE WALK TO MY CLOSET & HELP HERSELF. IF I
COULD AFFORD TO BUY NEW CLOTHES I WOULDN'T BAT AN EYE & CHALK THIS UP
TO EXPERIENCE. HOWEVER, I CAN'T AFFORD NEW CLOTHES & I DOUBT SHE WILL
CALL ME, OR EVEN E-MAIL ME. IT WILL BE UP TO ME TO MAKE ONCE MORE
CONTACT. OTHERWISE SHE WOULD NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN

Hello Lady,

Please don't write in CAPITAL LETTERS! Doing this gives a bad
impression about your comprehensive skills. By the way, lets start
with your problem. In my previous suggestion to you I wanted you to
resist yourself to cease all your communication with your borrower,
your friend. But now that you have mentioned some more interesting
facts about your relationship with your friend then we have to just do
OPPOSITE of what I had suggested earlier.

You have to re-start your communication with her. But this time I want
you not to communicate on email. Instead use telephone or meet her
personally. But If you use telephone then don't leave any message on
her answering machine. Just try to catch her directly on phone.

Actually its clear that she is playing MIND GAMES with you, which
means influence someone by using emotions. You have to beat her in her
own game. You need to be like her to beat her, there is no other way.
You need to act like a professional, like a BUSINESS-WOMEN.

One more thing you need to do is let all your neighbors & friends,
including her neighbors & friends, aware of this issue and about her
irrantional behaviour. Doing this she will gradually become unpopular
in the society.

So the pressure on her returning back your stuff will be from two
directions.  One is from you by your NEVER TO GIVE ATTITUDE, making
follow-up calls to remind her of your stuffs. The other pressure would
surely be metally after she will come to know that most of the people
in her neighbor & friends know of her borrowing mania, she eventually
will break down.

Go visit her home, it will pressurise her more. Talk, talk & talk to her.  

Last but not least, never try to threat her by other means because
then she will put her defensive guard and will come up in a different
attitude.

First of all google1978 was critical over typing in all caps that must
explain all of the typos he had in his answer! Secondly, consider this
an answer even though I'm new and could not figure out where to enter
an answer at!!  Send you so called "friend" an itemized bill of the
clothing she has borrowed, give a due date for payment and a note that
if no payment is received you will be turning this over to small
claims court at her cost.  I had a friend  who "borrowed" my clothes
and miraculously the day before they were to be returned they were
"stolen" from her car sitting outside of Wal-Mart!!!!  She paid me for
the clothes, but ironically a year later she shows up wearing the
exact same sweater that had been "stolen" the point to this...there is
no point, just send your friend a bill and see if that don't wake her
up.

Just move on and consider it a lesson learned.  Sometimes monetary
costs are less than the emotional ones.

It wasn't so much the capital letters that bugged me as the way it
went back & forth.
     I'd be completely sick of the stupid e-mail games by now, too. 
That's why I'd just go over to her house and make some small talk and
then ask for my stuff back. If she acted all hostile before I even got
going, I'd go on & ask for my stuff back. I would not threaten, I
would not criticize, I would not condescend or anticipate conflict.
I'd just say, "Long as I'm here anyway, can I please have my stuff
back?" What's she gonna do, tell you no? Slam the door? Call the cops?
I'd be way surprised if she declined to give back most of it, though
I'd also be way surprised if you got every single item back -- if
she's as dysfunctional as you paint her to be, she'll somehow "lose"
at least one small item. And if she declined to give my stuff back or
to talk to me altogether, then I'd do exactly what faith suggests
above about  billing her ten taking her ass to court.
     On the other hand, there's definitely something to be said for
the just-get-over-it-for-cryin-out-loud approach suggested above, too.
Unless these clothes were worth at least a grand or so, I'd have
written her off as a useless association before the issue ever got me
so worked up I had to post on Google. Of course, if I had clothes
worth anywhere near that much, I'd never loan them to someone I knew
had a precedent of disappearing from my life for 20 years at a time.

I'm sorry, but you are never going to see those clothes again.  You've
expended so much negative energy on this... please, just let it go and
find some new and wonderful friends that won't take advantage of you. 
And, you say "no strings attached" re: the vacuum, but you obviously
have emotional strings attached since it appears you hold that against
her no matter what you say.

I suggest some counceling. You are bringing these negative things to
yourself because of your attitude. It's a self fulfilling prophecy.
The fact that you are still thinking about it and living through this,
a long time after your original post, combined with the fact that your
post is so long and rambling, not to mention painful, and full of hurt
and anger, makes it clear that you have a psychological issue going on
here. You must move on. Say goodbye to the jeans, say goodbye to the
friend and be done with the both of them forever, and let go of any
hurt or judgement.
  
I hope you find joy in your life. I suggest going to the library and
reading some Dr. Wayne Dyer.  Take care.