I have decided to enter a 20-minute play for an upcoming Festival (in
Britain). It will be a 2-hander.

I visualise this very English guy meeting an American woman, as a
result of an (illicit) GA-type encounter, possibly atop the Empire
State Building. Imagine Noel Coward meeting Mae West.

Neither is, of course, anything like the other had expected.

OK? 

Well, all I want is some brilliant dialogue and a scintillating plot.
 
Oh and please try to get the spelling right! This is for a UK Festival, remember?

Over to you!

---

Clarification of Question by probonopublico-ga on 04 Mar 2004 00:16 PST

well, despite getting absolutely no help or encouragement, I think I'm
getting there.

But I'll leave this open a bit longer, just in case.

Empire State Building, viewing platform. Early evening. 
Mae West is waiting impatiently for the arrival of Noel Coward. He is
late. She keeps looking at her watch and fiddles with her bag and
hair. Dressed in a short skirt and flimsy top, she is rather cold.

Noel suddenly emerges from round the corner carrying three suitcases.

NC: My darling, I am sorry I am so late. I had a problem with the cab,
and then I was stuck in the tube.
MW: What on earth were doing getting stuck in a metal pipe?
NC: Well, I called a cab, but his boot wouldn?t shut properly, so I
had to catch the tube.
MW: Why should his footwear stop him driving you here?
NC: No, you misunderstand darling. I put my luggage in his boot and it
wouldn?t shut properly.
MW: I should think not, how can you expect to fit three suitcases a
boot - where?s he going to put his foot?
NC: He kept on moaning that I had ruined the trunk. I had no idea what
he was on about, I couldn?t see the elephant anywhere.
MW: Elephant?
NC: Then he drove like an idiot. He even crashed into the central reservation.
MW: Noel, you can book a hotel room on the telephone you know, you
don?t have to go to their head office.
NC: You could do with some cat?s eyes in this country. It might make
your cab drivers drive in straight lines.
MW: We?ve millions of cats, how can they make them drive in straight lines?
NC: You put them on the road to guide the drivers.
MW: You are so cruel. How can you even suggest putting cats in the
middle of the highway? They?ll be run over!
NC: Oh Mae, do not shout so. You?re almost as loud as when his silencer went bang.
MW: My God! He shot you?
NC: It felt like it. It was a terrible noise. I decided to abandon the
cab there and then and catch the tube.
MW: Noel, I still don?t understand. The tube? Like the ones they use
in a relay race?
NC: For goodness sake Mae, don?t you understand? Underground.
MW: You raced in the sewers?!
NC: Forget it Mae. Let?s just go to dinner.
MW: I?ve been frozen waiting here for you, I wish I?d wore pants.
NC: No wonder your cold if you?ve got nothing on under that skirt.
She slaps him across the face and storms off.

End

---

Clarification of Answer by answerfinder-ga on 05 Mar 2004 01:08 PST

Bryan,
I was rather hoping that the two actors would be able to stretch it out a little.
I look forward to seeing my name up in lights with the other famous
playwrights: William Shakespeare, Oscar Wilde, Ernie Wise.....

Good luck with the play.
answerfinder-ga

Brilliant, AF, Many thanks.

Of coures, they may have to speak VERY S_L_O_W_L_Y to make it stretch
into 20 minutes.

But do I deserve any more for 5 Bucks?