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Q: social causes of behavior ( No Answer,   4 Comments )
Question  
Subject: social causes of behavior
Category: Relationships and Society
Asked by: kostas-ga
List Price: $50.00
Posted: 12 Apr 2004 16:27 PDT
Expires: 12 May 2004 16:27 PDT
Question ID: 329180
What are the social causes for why people are embarrased when given
authentic praise?
Answer  
There is no answer at this time.

Comments  
Subject: Re: social causes of behavior
From: journalist-ga on 12 Apr 2004 16:54 PDT
 
Greetings Kostas:

I'm not certain what causes it but I did find this:
"Modesty describes a set of culturally determined values that relate
to the presentation of the self. The self has become the focus of much
psychological investigation (see individuation and self (psychology))
and many personal development enterprises. The cult of the individual
has not entirely contrived to avoid attempts at
"self"-definition...Modesty is closely related to shame Shame (or
embarrassment) is a social condition and a form of social control
consisting of an emotional state and a set of behaviors, caused by the
consciousness or awareness of having acted inappropriately...According
to the late anthropologist Ruth Benedict, Cultures may be classified
by their emphasis of using either shame or guilt to socially regulate
the activities of their members."

The upshoot is it's probably how the person was raised/trained to
accept a compliment.  Religious beliefs, culture practices, parents'
dramas -- these all play a part in the psychological make-up of an
individual.  He/she may be only copying a response that he/she saw as
a child.  It could be genuine modesty or false modesty.

*********

Here are some other thoughts on modesty:
Modesty is such a 'quiet' characteristic, that perhaps nobody thinks
about it very much. What are modest people like? They are
self-effacing, and humble; they do not wish to draw too much attention
to themselves. They feel embarrassed when they are given praise, and
genuinely do not really feel they have done all that much to deserve
it, for everything they do is their no more than their duty and their
delight, in serving God. They would hate to be picked out for praise
above their fellows, or pushed forward into the limelight, shown off,
or made to perform 'party pieces' for the applause of others. Modesty
also implies a personal and physical shyness and reticence, as opposed
to a wish to flaunt themselves for their physical charms."
http://www.islamfortoday.com/ruqaiyyah05.htm

From "The Tragedy of Political Exiles"
"I confess I was deeply moved by their generous tribute. But also I
was embarrassed, not because I suffer from false modesty or believe
that kind things should be said about people only after their death,
but rather because the plight of hosts of political exiles scattered
over Europe is so tragic that my struggle to survive was hardly worth
mentioning."
http://sunsite.berkeley.edu/Goldman/Writings/Essays/exiles.html

*********

"...Ho winces at the mention of the catwalk stroll she had to do at
Melbourne's recent fashion festival.  This is no display of false
modesty. Ho, it seems, does not like the spotlight. She is, rather,
the kind of person who would prefer to stay at home and play board
games with her kids than spend an evening toasting her own success
with fashion's elite.  Later, when we sit down to talk in her office,
Ho admits that being the public face of her label is not her favourite
part of the job. "I've had to learn not to be embarrassed about
promoting myself. It was never really something that sat easily with
me," she says."
http://www.smh.com.au/handheld/articles/2004/04/08/1081326856710.html

*********

From an interview with Charlotte Rampling at
http://users.belgacom.net/bn579857/5-interviews/interview_0018.html

But as much as she enjoys working, Rampling takes no pleasure in
watching her films.

"I'm quite frankly embarrassed watching myself," she says quickly, "--
I mean deeply embarrassed, by everything I do."

This is way beyond false modesty. I'm surprised by her confession and
I blurt out, "Why?"

"I don't know," she says. "I cringe." 

And yet, "I think because it's the thing I fear most it's the thing I
do best. I think fear, if it doesn't get too neurotic and out of
control, is the motivator in our lives. And the thing I've always
feared the most is being looked at."

Rampling worked on that fear in psychoanalysis, "and it's still there,
but it's controllable."

*********

You may also be interested in the article "Learning How to Accept a
Compliment" at http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art8715.asp
 

Hope these references assist in your quest.

Best regards,
journalist-ga


SEARCH STRATEGY:

"false modesty" embarrassed
Subject: Re: social causes of behavior
From: geof-ga on 17 Apr 2004 02:16 PDT
 
Another reason for people sometimes shying away from, or even
resenting, praise may have less to do with their own modesty, but more
because it seems to put the other person in the position of judging or
patronising them. This is particularly the case when an "amateur" - eg
a client or customer - praises a professional "for a job well done".
In these instances, the pro may be tempted to reply rather
ungraciously "Just doing my job". But even when the praise doesn't
arise from a am/pro relationship, it might appear to the recipient as
though the giver of the praise is putting him/herself in an
unjustified, superior position.
Subject: Re: social causes of behavior
From: florkophilia-ga on 17 Apr 2004 13:52 PDT
 
embarassment, from a radical behaviorist position, might be seen as an
emotional byproduct of past contingencies of punishment.

"authentic praise" is therefore the social occasion that triggers (or
acts as a discriminating stimulus) for the re-occasion of this past
punishment.

Authentic praise is a conditioned verbal reinforcer, and as such might
be quite weak. The original conditions for shame (perhaps recurring
verbal punishment around this same subject by parents or others over
years) might be quite strong. So in a sense this represents a sort of
contention in contingency strength.

In simpler terms years of being told by your parents you are ugly, or
plain, or "not beautiful" might generate "modesty". The single
instance of being authentically told "you are beautiful" might simply
generate embarassment.
Subject: Re: social causes of behavior
From: mensaboy-ga on 07 May 2004 14:46 PDT
 
people think less of themselves in preparation for how others will
treat/view/act towards them.  You are your own worst critic.  If they
dont believe the praise was warrented then you will be able to see
them struggling to accept it.  If the praise is in public an
additional burden is created.  Jeliousy of those not praised could
make the one praised a target of ridicule, belittling his
accomplishments.  In short, praise is a hassle.  Save it for someone
who really needs it.

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