In short: I have a cousin who seems to have refused to grow out the
teenage years and he has now become quite an embarrassment not to
mention a reason for worry for the parents. I am looking for reading
material that could help the parents to better manage him.

In specifics:  I did similar search for a colleague on how to deal
with an employee that would commit to everything very confidently but
would not deliver on it. It wasn?t that the employee did not care - he
did. But in an attempt to please everyone he would over commit, and
not be able to mange his priorities. I found many good articles in
that regards and couple of strategies worked like magic and most of
them management psychology.

So I am thinking something on the same line where they (parents) could
read and apply in their lives to address this issue more
appropriately.

Background: When I say that this person has refused to come out of
teenage era ? I mean that in the literal sense:

a.	No-sense of focus
b.	Never ending day dreaming and superior absent mindedness
c.	Excessive smoking
d.	Inconsistency in life
e.	Absolutely no commitment with any thing ? from relationships to job
nothing survives past 3 months ? dropped out of college
f.	Childish and extremely immature
g.	Superior liar
h.	When someone would try to address the issue with him politely
(friends), or aggressive (parents) ? his attempt would be to convert
the conversation into a fight as soon as possible.
i.	Closed door all the time
j.	Be awake in the night and sleep during the day

What did not work ? a professional councilor recommended to put more
responsibility on him ? so the parents moved him to another city ?
that worked for 3 ? 4 months after which he landed right back home.
The parents played it tough and said deal with your own problems and
while that is their stand in the past 8 months nothing has changed he
is crashing at a friend?s place ? and loaning money from other friends
- does not want to take up any job.

Now a point to add here ? I have stopped believing that he is an
idiot, stupid, or slow ? because sometime back he was persuaded to
take a very difficult certification exam he passed it with flying
colors and earned his certification, and then took 2 follow up exams
(for the second certification) which were even more difficult than the
first one and passed those, but gave up on it in habit of the 3-month
syndrome.

While most of these things can be attributed as common teenage
behavior for 12 thru 20 but this fellow is 29 and there is no
improvement in any of the character traits just worsening of situation
as each day goes by, as now there is resentment with family members
who turn him down when he comes asking for borrowing money.

Most his friends that had similar habits all have overcome their
shortfalls and have taken a direction in life.

WHAT I AM NOT LOOKING FOR:
I am not looking for ?professional advice? ? because being close to
him as friend and family I know ? this is not going to be a
prescription fix unless he has some sort of chemical imbalance or
deficiency which was not detected earlier.

WHAT I AM LOOKING FOR:
Resources available on web, books, and support groups (if there are
any) which would help those related to him fine tune their lives and
behavior to help him realize what he is doing with his life.

Or

If it is that it?s a frequency issue or left/right brain issue ? what
simple practices can the parents adopt that may prove to more
effective (something like ? the work example I had given).

I'm NOT medically qualified but I would guess that this is a mental
health problem that needs specialist attention.

Or that chemical imbalance might be self-induced.  He sure sounds to
me like somebody who lives in a cloud of illegal smoke.  Don't
underestimate how much even alert and intelligent persons can be
misled by an accomplished liar with a habit to hide and a meal ticket
to protect.  Unfortunately a clinically depressed person who is
self-medicating can be a very, very complicated tangle to unravel and
may be impossible to help until he is good and ready, and that could
be what you've got here.  My *completely nonprofessional* advice would
be to try to help the parents take care of themselves.

Apteryx

Dear exsol,

Sadly, your story is all too familiar to me.  My older brother is a
mess.  He was a mess at 29, and is now even more so at 35.  I am
troubled almost daily about the same problems you've expressed.  I'm
sure the previous comments are not news to you, and I've heard and
thought these same things myself, but they only scratch the surface.
I have a resource for you that makes alot of sense to me and may be useful to you. 

The book is titled Malignant Self Love: Narcissism Revisited
On the books website you can read the books intro and a few of its chapters:
http://samvak.tripod.com/msla.html

I've only come accross this myself within the last few days, but it
was with a great "A-HA" and is consistent with what I have been
thinking for many years.  Since I am gaining familiarity with the
subject myself and haven't gotten the book yet, I don't have much to
say other than check out the site, I think it'll help.

A warning though: From what I can tell, those who suffer through life
in the manner described by the author think and feel so differently
from you and me that they may as well be alien.  This is shocking to
loved ones.

I haven't seen anything about a correction yet, but hopefully that is
contained within the book.

I wish you well.