Request help in composing parody of the RNC convention program in
format of the following for the DNC convention:
 
OFFICIAL 2004 DNC CONVENTION PROGRAM

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:30pm - Anti-war rally no. 1.
6:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France.
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:20pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast
7:25pm - Tribute theme to Spain.
7:45pm - Anti-war rally no. 2. (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:00pm - John Kerry presents one side of the issues
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony.

9:30pm - * Intermission *

10:00pm - Flag burning ceremony no. 2.
10:15pm - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:30pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00pm - Double gay marriage ceremony.
11:15pm - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:20pm - John Kerry presents the other side of the issues
11:30pm - 'Free Saddam' pep rally.
11:59pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00am - Nomination of Democrat candidate.

I've already tried my hand with a few substitutions, but seem to have
lost inspiration to complete the program:

OFFICIAL 2004 RNC CONVENTION PROGRAM

6:00pm - Opening 30-minute prayer to our God
6:30pm - 10 minutes of silence while RNC chaplain Pat Robertson awaits
His answer on headphones
6:40pm - Our God responds (Robertson has warned answer will be classified)
6:50pm - Keynote address: "Hubris R Us" (Vice Pres Cheney)
7:00pm - Tribute theme to the 48 members of the coalition-of-the-willing
7:10pm -  Coalition rep from Lithuania announces contribution of 10 more troops
7:20pm - Convention hears petition from  Eritrea, Angola, and
Azerbaijan reps for reassignment to the coalition of the unwilling
7:25pm - Halliburton CEO presents tribute theme to Saudi Arabia
7:45pm - 
8:00pm - Tom Delay presents rationale for firm partisanship -- "We're
right and you're wrong: 76 variants you can use"
8:25pm - 
8:30pm - Preemption workshop -- "Our dog-licks-his-balls-'cause-he-can
doctrine of preemptive military action: effective applications"
9:00pm - Anti-gay marriage ceremony: Mary "Shrew" Matelin and James
"Snakehead" Carville copulate on stage in demonstration of how gay
marriage could easily lead to sanctioned bestiality.
9:30pm - Entertainment: Rasputin imitation (Karl Rove)
10:00pm -  
10:15pm - 
10:30pm - 
10:40pm - 
10:50pm - 
11:00pm - 
11:15pm - 
11:20pm - 
11:30pm - 
11:59pm - 
12:00am - 

Each entry should be as short as possible (as in the DNC parody).