(This $2 bid is just to find out whether someone would be interested
in taking on the project described below.)

I want to write a parody of NPR's periodic susbscriber fund drives,
one that pokes fun at NPR's seeming inability to make these
solicitations more entertaining than they are. The endless repetition
of phone numbers, the amateur and borrrring chatter between the two
network or station reps, the offer of gifts you can't wait to get your
hands on (an NPR mug at the $40,000 level!), the pleas to "keep us
operating"--after umpteen years of practicing at this, they still
haven't been able to keep me from switching immediately to another
station.

What I am after is a parody script that, when read, would fill 2-3
minutes of air time. If anyone is truly interested and feels up to
this task, I'll increase my bid to a much higher level (speaking of
level, for a $2 donation, you'll qualify for an official NPR
toothpick).

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 20 Apr 2004 10:30 PDT

If you're interested, show me three or four lines of script.

---

Request for Question Clarification by aht-ga on 20 Apr 2004 11:09 PDT

nautico-ga:

I'm intrigued, but must admit that I have actually never listened to
an NPR pledge drive! If, however, it is essentially a more-boring,
audio-only version of a PBS station pledge drive, then I have some
ideas that I can explore. This will take time, though, and I do not
think that I can dedicate enough continuous creative time to it until
the weekend. Are you in a hurry for this? Any particular content you'd
like to see included?

aht-ga
Google Answers Researcher

---

Request for Question Clarification by googleexpert-ga on 20 Apr 2004 11:39 PDT

Hi nautico,
Just curious, will this Parody be played on another Public Sponsored
Station ( NPR or Pacifica )?
anyway, I can't offer a Parody Script but I can offer some links:
NPR's Kroc-Pot Bubbles Over
URL: http://www.townhall.com/columnists/brentbozell/bb20031112.shtml

We still need help, NPR tells its listeners
URL: http://www.csmonitor.com/2004/0116/p13s01-wmgn.htm

Kroc widow wills $200 million to NPR
URL: http://www.washtimes.com/national/20031106-115232-2506r.htm

Please let me know what you think of those URLs.
Thank you.
-googleexpert

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 20 Apr 2004 11:55 PDT

To aht: you would need to listen to a couple of the fund drive
announcements that are now occurring on NPR stations in order to get a
sense of what I am after, and, no, I'm not in a hurry. If you like and
when you have time, send me three or four lines of script.

To GoogleExpert: I'm a long-time fan of NPR, and I disagree with those
who contend that it's a hotbed of liberalism. NPR is an oasis in a
desert of talk radio schlock and neocon vitriol.

---

Request for Question Clarification by aht-ga on 20 Apr 2004 13:34 PDT

I think ipfan-ga has generously provided you with a beautiful parody
in the comments! Bravo!

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 20 Apr 2004 13:53 PDT

To ipfan: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

So, now what?

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 20 Apr 2004 15:07 PDT

C'mon, Pink, I know you of all people are up to this.

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 20 Apr 2004 16:07 PDT

Iht: Yes, that's what I meant by suggesting that Pink try her hand at
this, though I am open to anyone who thinks he or she can do so.

---

Request for Question Clarification by journalist-ga on 21 Apr 2004 13:13 PDT

Excellent Ipfan!  What a hoot!  The only parody angle I could think of
was a reverse pledge drive referencing the $200 million donation of
late from the estate of Joan Kroc.  The station would be calling
listeners and offering them $20 to $100 to become members of their
families.

Best regards,
journalist-ga

---

Clarification of Question by nautico-ga on 21 Apr 2004 13:55 PDT

Must confess I'm bemused by the latest clarification request, as there
are so many particiupants here now, that I can't figure out who made
this most recent request!! BUT, since ipfan is not a Google
researcher, I'm going to go with the start he has given me and close
this question. Thanx, ipfan! You have a wonderful mind for this stuff!

The "Red Green Show" has done several pledge drive specials that are
practially parodies of the PBS pledge drives.

They are not really "parody" announcements, but below are some great
pledge drive-related breaks worth listening to.  They are extremely
funny and interesting (especially to those who are fans of public
radio) and are definitely different than the normal pledge drive
spots. They were all created by and for This American Life.  And they
are in Real Audio format:

"Pledge Breaks":
http://207.70.82.73/pages/descriptions/99/bonus_breaks_99.html
http://207.70.82.73/pages/descriptions/98/bonus_breaks_98.html

I think they've done some more recent spots, but I can't locate them
right now.  They mat just have made them part of an entire
pledge-related show.

(the above clips address public radio in general and not NPR
specifically.  This American Life is produced by PRI, not NPR).

This American Life's top page:
http://thislife.org/

[Musical interlude ends.  We briefly hear dead air, with
unintelligible chatter in the background.]

Female Announcer: ?OK, we?re back, and that was Yo-Yo Ma performing
?Cello Concerto in B minor, Opus 114,? by Antonin Dvorak.  And now
before we return to more great classical hits here on WLOB, public
radio, Augusta, Maine, let?s remind our listeners that we are smack in
the middle of our Fall Pledge Drive here on WLOB.  Joshua, what are
those phone numbers again??

[Sound of paper rattling and cups clinking.]

Joshua [clearing throat]: ?Thank you, Celice, for that nice segue. 
You know, I?ve heard you say it a thousand times, but I never tire of
your dulcimer tones inviting me to read that number.  Here it is,
listeners, so grab your pencils (or, if you pledged $25 or more in our
Late Summer Pledge Drive, your Augusta Books and Birds Ever-Sharp
mechanical pencil): 1-877-932-7667, or for those of you who are more
phonetically inclined, that?s 1-877-WE-B-POOR.?

Celice:	?Wonderful, thanks Joshua.  You know, I have one of those
Books and Birds pencils right here, and it is always sharp!?

Joshua:	?Marvelous!  Always sharp!?

Celice:	?Always.  [Dead air.]  Yes, always sharp.  [More dead air.] 
OK, we really need to get those phones ringing so that we can keep
bringing you all the quality WLOB music and programming you have come
to love and? ?

Joshua:	?Celice, pardon my abject interruption, but we have a challenge pledge!?

Celice:	?Oh my, how exciting, Joshua!  From who??

Joshua:	?If we raise $15,000 in the next fifteen minutes, Bed and
Breakfast of Augusta will pledge . . ., let?s see, it?s hard to make
out our volunteer?s handwriting . . ., it looks like . . .  $27.55!?

Celice:	?Marvelous!  You know, I stayed at the BBA once, and they have
400- thread-count linens in every room!?

Joshua:	?400!  Imagine?like sleeping on silk, I expect.?

Celice:	?Mmm hmm.  Organic cotton, too, I might add.?

Joshua:	?And that reminds me of a new pledge premium we are offering
ONLY to members of our Lobster Newburg Society?a $100 pledge will get
you an autographed copy of Arthur Swindell?s new cookbook, ?Envision
Whirled Peas.??

Celice:	?Wonderful book?great recipes, and social consciousness to
boot!  OK, remember, only 14 minutes left in that challenge pledge, so
get to those phones!  Remember, without your pledge we won?t be able
to bring you all your favorites, like ?Old Timey Bluegrass Hour? and
the award-winning cooking show, ?Pickle Me Pink.??

Joshua:	?You know, ?Pickle Me Pink? alone costs us well over $600,000
just to air it for three months, so we need your help and support. 
And Arthur?s book may not be available during our Early Winter Pledge
Drive, so call now.?

Celice:	?OK, back to the music in a moment, but first Joshua, those
numbers one more time??

Joshua:	?Pick up that phone right now?-pay phone, wall phone, work
phone, desk phone, even a cell phone if you?re driving?-and dial right
now, 1-800-662-8257, or 1-800-NO-BUCKS.?

Celice:	?Call now.  Please.  Pretty please.  With a cherry on top.  We
really, really, really, need you to call.  See, my car?s broken and my
cat is sick and I??

[Joshua clears his throat LOUDLY.]

Celice:	[Meekly.]  ?Oh.  Sorry.  Please call.  OK, coming up next:
?The Bartered Bride Overture? by Smetana performed by the London
Philharmonic as we continue our series on Czech composers, next on
WLOB, August, Maine.?

Wonderful work, ipfan! I literally laughed out loud. Very funny stuff,
except for the 'Pickle Me Pink' part. :-D

Dear nautico-ga:

Thanks!  Glad you (and others) liked it.  I think I was a comedy
writer in a previous life.  Feel free to use it--I am not a
Researcher, so by all means enjoy, edit, change, reproduce, perform
and broadcast the piece as you see fit.

Cheers,
ipfan-ga

To ipfan: I, too, think I should have been a comedy writer!! It is
such fun! Right, Pink?

Dear nautico,

I cannot tell for sure, but it seems you are suggesting that
pinkfreud-ga posted the parody script under the name ipfan.  Actually,
I am not pinkfreud, although I do admire her skills as a Researcher. 
I truly am ipfan-ga, just a guy, not pinkfreud, although I am
flattered that you would attribute my work to her as she is a fine
writer and excellent Researcher.

Regards,

ipfan (not pinkfreud)

ipfan-ga:

I think we've had enough people impersonating our Pink One to last a
lifetime! Your work above is worthy of a Murrow Award!

I think nautico-ga's comments are simply to try to get the
lighter-shade-of-red one to try her hand at this...

Ah, but of course, I see now!  Forgive my naivete'.