Hello, carver_1-ga!
This is one of those questions I wish I could answer with an actual
conversation. Alternatively, it would be great if I could provide an
answer by making up one of those typical symptom check lists:
"If you experience A, go to step C. If you experience B, go directly to D."
Unfortunately, neither option applies in this case!
But since you have come here as a first step, I can certainly give
you my initial impressions, provide you with some issues to
contemplate, and point you toward some avenues for further help. Be
mindful that I am not a therapist or a medical professional of any
kind. However, I realize you are not seeking "researcher therapy" as
much as you are looking for some insight from another human being!
==
When I read your question, I was immediatly hit with two red flags!
* If your personal sense of happiness and achievement is so
intertwined with your business success that even momentary lapses in
achievement can send you into a depressive funk, you would benefit by
learning to form a degree of separation between your business life and
your personal life. At the very least, you need to learn to level your
business "successes" with the "failures" so they balance each other
out.
* Since a solo career in the same business is undoubtedly going to
have even more ups and downs, and, in your present state of mind, any
lost sales will likely be seen by you as a personal failure - you
might want to ask yourself whether you have chosen the right career -
or at least delay a move toward going solo until you have established
your business life as a separate entity from you personal life.
==
Many people equate their jobs with personal success. Men, especially,
often evaluate their success in life by how well they perform in the
work arena. Business success is not only important in their own eyes
but is often perceived as the most important evaluation of their
success by others. Whether this perception is right or wrong is beside
the point!
There is certainly nothing wrong with wanting a job that makes you
feel financially secure, successful, and proves to be something you
love at the same time. Some people are very fortunate to find all of
these qualities wrapped up in an ideal job. Many of us, however,
choose to settle for a job that pays the bills and provides for some
extras, finding our real pleasures in areas outside of work. Others
opt for less money, change their lifestyle so they are financially
stable, and pursue the job that allows them to skip happily to work
each day! What counts the most, however, is that we make our choices
based on realistic goals and feel a sense of contentment about our
decision.
Job changes are most always stressful, and doubts are usually a major
part of the package! It can be downright scary to contemplate going
out on your own, especially when, as you stated, "you" are responsible
for your own paycheck! However, while you are admittedly nervous, I am
sure you believe, inwardly, that you have the business acumen to go
solo. Otherwise, you would scarcely entertain the idea of leaving the
security of corporate life. Someone lacking self-esteem and confidence
would say, "I could never work on my own. I am not smart enough. I
don't have the business savvy. I can only make a living by cushioning
myself in a workplace where I can rely on other people to help me."
* My basic concern for you, therefore, is not whether you have the
tools to succeed on your own. Rather, it is the same concern that you
have brought up in your question. It is the matter of that dark cloud
that threatens to destroy the happiness in your life whenever there is
an upset at work. In a solo scenario, where lost sales are going to be
a normal part of your new job description (as they are for any
salesman) you need to question whether putting yourself in such an
environment is going to cause an even greater emotional tailspin! Will
you be able to handle a scenario where 15 out of 20 sales calls might
result in rejection? Will you equate the non-sales with personal
failure, rather than accept the fact that rejection is a very common,
and very real part of most any sales job?
==
I also wonder whether the feelings of anxiety and depression that
occur when business adversity strikes are unique to your current job
or part of an overall pattern. Have you experienced similar reactions
in past jobs, school, or life in general? If not - and it is primarily
the job that is causing you such stress - then you need to determine
whether it is the job "environment" (working with others, not having
control) or the actual job itself (sales) that is responsible.
In any case, it might be best to hold off going out on your own until
you can get a better handle on the emotions that a less than stellar
job performance can cause. I know you desire to find a solution to
these negative feelings, or you wouldn't have asked your question in
the first case!
===
If you believe that your depression and "funk" are part of a pattern
that is not unique to your current job, I would recommend that you
seek some short-term therapy. Cognitive therapy is a well-respected
and helpful method used to isolate, recognize and gain control over
habitual emotional and behavioral patterns in a quick and efficient
manner.
The role of Cognitive therapy in helping to change adverse behavioral
and emotional responses is well explained on the NACBT website:
"Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the scientific fact that our
thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like
people, situations, and events. The benefit of this fact is that we
can change the way we think to feel/act better even if the situation
has not changed."
http://www.nacbt.org/whatiscbt.htm
Another efficient therapy that can help with self-esteem and
confidence issues is Schema-focused cognitive therapy, described
below:
"The Schema-Focused approach combines the best aspects of
cognitive-behavioral, experiential, interpersonal and psychoanalytic
therapies into one unified model of treatment. Schema-Focused Therapy
has shown remarkable results in helping people to change patterns
which they have lived with for a long time, even when other methods
and efforts they have tried before have been unsuccessful."
http://www.cognitive-therapy-associates.com/therapy/schema/
===
On the other hand, if you have any underlying doubts that your career
choice is causing you to have anxiety - or you actually really love
your career except for this nagging depression that comes with
less-than-stellar success, it would be worth talking to a career
coach. You have obviously developed a valuable set of skills that
could be a valuable asset to a variety of jobs, whether within a
company or as a sole entrepreneur.
To get an idea about how an individual career coach might help you,
see the following from Coaching.com:
"Thousands of people have hired a coach to:
* Kick a stalled career into high gear
* Stay on top of mounting responsibilities
* Take the next big step on the leadership path
* Handle difficult and important relationships
"Career Development/Transition Coaching is for individuals needing
and/or wanting movement from their current position. Career coaching
helps individuals to utilize their strengths, to see where they may
have blind spots and to identify a course of action."
http://www.coaching.com/Marketing/Common/individuals.htm
* If you think career coaching might help you define ways to eliminate
the negative responses to your job and move on to an independent
career, you might consider a phone consultation with a professional
who offers such an approach.
See the services offered by Nataliya V. Lomakina, M.S.:
http://www.coachwell.com/index.html
"Equipped with professional training in psychology, feedback &
profiling techniques, various cognitive and behavioral programs,
problem-solving and planning techniques, we conduct sessions via
telephone, email, and fax support.
Telephone coaching
http://www.coachwell.com/ER.html
==
It is important for you to understand that a feeling of confidence
about your business skills can coexist with job upsets and lost
contracts. In fact, it is entirely possible to fail at a new job
venture and still believe in your business abilities. Business
ventures fail all the time and are not necessarily a reflection of an
individual's lack of skill. Economic conditions, poor timing, and
location are just a few of the factors that can make or break a
business. Most people who are used to being self-employed simply pick
up and go on to the next venture. And, if personal shortcomings are
part of the failure, it is certainly easy enough to brush up on
communication skills or business know-how if an individual has the
heart to pursue a goal.
==
A few points you should consider before stepping into a solo career:
* Do you have the financial resources to weather the income loss while you
build up your new business?
* Is there a good possibility for other employment if you don't like the
independent life, or the venture is not as lucrative as you had hoped?
* Can you adjust your lifestyle (financially) to mesh with your new income?
* If you are married, is your family supportive?
* Are you able to afford medical insurance and provide your own retirement
plan, if necessary?
* Are you good at working alone, and organized enough to structure your own
hours?
* Are you willing to give up paid vacations???? :)
==
Finally, if working independently is your dream and you never take
the step, you will always wonder what might have been. You can always
go back to working for a corporation if your independent career does
not satisfy you. Why not take the chance?
When, and if, you decide to take the exciting plunge and step out on
your own, I think the following quote is a good one to hang on your
wall:
"If you get negative comments, remember what successful entrepreneur
Wally "Famous" Amos once said: "You can never sink a ship in any ocean
unless you let the water inside." It's the same with people: If you
let others' doubts and negativity sink into your mind, you're done.
Use your research to make intelligent choices about where your
opportunities lie. Your belief in your product should be objective,
not emotional. Only then will you be willing to put in the hard work
and keep it going for as long as necessary.
From Entrepreneur: http://www.entrepreneur.com/article/0,4621,315178,00.html)
==
I hope I have been of some help. I certainly admire you for following
your dreams. Your diligence in pursuing every angle toward making sure
this is the right step says more about your business intelligence than
you realize!
If I can help you in any further way, please don't hesitate to ask.
Otherwise, I wish you the very best of luck in your endeavors.
Sincerely,
umiat |
