Need dedicated sources for quotes and jokes for corporate speeches,
particularly (in this instance) for consultant joke.

Hello Baffled5,

Here are the results of my search for consultant quotes and jokes for
corporate speeches.


Consultant Top 10 Lists:
 
?Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear from a Consultant  
1.	You're right; we're billing way too much for this.  
2.	Bet you I can go a week without saying "synergy" or "value-added".  
3.	How about paying us based on the success of the project?  
4.	This whole strategy is based on a Harvard business case I read.  
5.	Actually, the only difference is that we charge more than they do.  
6.	I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.  
7.	Implementation?  I only care about writing long reports.  
8.	I can't take the credit.  It was Ed in your marketing department.  
9.	The problem is, you have too much work for too few people. 
10.	Everything looks okay to me.?  

This website provides other consultant top ten lists 

Examples:

Top Ten Things a Consultant Shouldn't Tell a Client
  
Top Ten Things You Shouldn't Say at a Consulting Interview  

Top Ten Ways To Know You're Dating/Married To A Consultant  

Top Ten Ways to Know You've Got the Consulting Bug 

Check out all the lists here:
http://www.lachances.com/Humor/Consultant.html



YOU KNOW IT IS TIME TO GET OUT OF CONSULTING WHEN...

Examples:

?You ask the waiter what the restaurant's core competencies are.

You decide to re-org your family into a "team-based organization."

You refer to dating as test marketing.

You can spell "paradigm."

You actually know what a paradigm is.

You understand your airline's fare structure.

You write executive summaries on your love letters.

You think that it's actually efficient to write a ten page paper with
six other people you don't know.

You believe every company is "a traditional functional organization,
with promotion based on tenure, but one that needs to change as it is
facing ever increasing competition..."

Read the complete list here:
http://www.antion.com/humor/speakerhumor/consulting.htm


Jokes for speeches
A collection of speaker's jokes culled from a variety of sources
http://www.less-stress.com/jokes/


Humorous Quotations
http://www.1000ventures.com/fun/fun_ada_q.htm


Consultant Jokes
http://www.weitzenegger.de/en/to/jokes.html


Consultant jokes
http://officediversions.com/discover/modules/wfsection/index.php?category=13


The following is from the March 1996 issue of _Consultants News_ (they
say "quotation with attribution is encouraged").
http://ronspace.org/consult.htm


William Dolson & Associates
Consultant Jokes
http://www.wdolson.com/jokes.htm


Profession jokes: Consultants
http://www.workjoke.com/projoke55.htm


Consultant Humour
http://manbottle.master.com/texis/master/search/?sufs=0&q=consultant&s=SS


More Consultant Humor 
http://comment.cio.com/comments/8256.html


Web site design consultants have a sense of humour too ...
http://www.toucher.co.uk/laughs.htm


Funny Business Quotes 
http://www.comedy-zone.net/quotes/Professional/business.htm



Here are some great books from Amazon:

1001 Quips & Quotes for Business Speeches
By Richard S. Zera, Myron Miller (Illustrator) 
Availability: Usually ships within 1-2 business days 
5 used & new from $4.95 
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0806984864/qid%3D1083354975/sr%3D11-1/ref%3Dsr%5F11%5F1/103-8906751-9013402


2400 Jokes to Brighten Your Speeches
By Robert Orben
Price:   $8.00  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0879804254/103-8906751-9013402?v=glance


1001 Humorous Illustrations for Public Speaking
by Michael Hodgin (Editor) 
Price:   $10.39  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0310473918/ref=pd_sim_books_1/103-8906751-9013402?v=glance&s=books


Winning with One-Liners : 3,400 Hilarious Laugh Lines to Tickle Your
Funny Bone and Spice Up Your Speeches
By Pat Williams (Author) 
Price:   $10.36  
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/075730057X/ref=pd_sim_books_5/103-8906751-9013402?v=glance&s=books



Search criteria:
"Consultant jokes? 
Consultant humor 
Jokes for corporate speeches
Jokes for speeches

I hope you find my research helpful! 

Best regards,
Bobbie7

Bobbie7's done a great job with references for you but I'd suggest 2 more books:
"The Manager's Book of Quotations," Eigen & Siegel, American
Management Association, 1989

For American audiences you can't go wrong with baseball quotations:
"Baseball Quotations," David Nathan, Ballantine Books, 1991

Best regards,

Omnivorous-GA