And name it after me!

Dear Bryan,

Thank you very much for your generosity in honor of my kiloanswer. I
hope it will be all right to use the money for some worthy purpose
other than buying a cat. You see, we have never bought a cat; cats
just get thrust upon us. The word has gotten out that our home is a
feline repository. Sometimes kittens seem to generate spontaneously
from old rags in the corner. Recently enough hair was vacuumed from
the living room carpet that I'll be able to knit a new cat, if only I
can figure out how to stuff it.

Regarding the matter of naming a cat after you, there is a small
problem. For nearly twenty-four years I have been married to a man
whose name is Brian. If I were to name a cat "Bryan," this would cause
much confusion. Every time I stepped into the kitchen and hollered
"Hey, Bryan, come get your saucer of milk," I would disappoint my poor
hubby. And, conversely, when I muttered "Brian, I sure wish you'd fix
that screen door before the June bugs take over the foyer," my kitty
might feel inadequate about his door-fixing abilities, and become
neurotic. You see the difficulty here.

Let us leave the subject of the cat, and now discuss the bird. Er, I
mean the Bard. You have set a handsome fee on this question, and in
order to provide you with your money's worth, I present you with the
lyrics to a boffo song from a new musical comedy that I may or may not
be writing. I hope you enjoy it.

WARNING: Mild vulgarities ahead. 
The remainder of this answer is rated PG (Pink's Gags).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To be sung to the tune of Frank Sinatra's classic from "On the Town:"
"New York, New York, a helluva town
 The Bronx is up and the Battery's down."

SOMEONE IS ROTTEN IN THE STATE OF DENMARK
 (from the upcoming "HAMLET! The Musical.") 

I knew Yorick, knew Yorick--a wonderful clown
And now I jump in a hole in the ground
To find (dear chap) he's decidedly down
Alas, poor Yorick--a wonderful clown
Sweet Yorick, sweet Yorick, alas and forsooth
Your japes were sweet, but your language uncouth,
A jester's gesture to stave off the truth
Sweet Yorick, sweet Yorick, alas and forsooth

My Yorick, my Yorick, I view you with dread
The days of eyne and noses have fled
(Ophelia told me you loved to give head...)
My Yorick, my Yorick, I view you with dread.
Poor Yorick, poor Yorick. I knew him back when
He got great yuks out of all the king's men
(His face had most of the skin on it then)
Poor Yorick, poor Yorick--I knew him back when

Dear Yorick, dear Yorick--his future looks grave
There's not enough of him left here to save
A rotten end for a jolly good knave
Dear Yorick, dear Yorick--his future looks grave
Old Yorick, old Yorick, a helluva guy
So why's this worm crawlin' out of his eye?
I hope I'm not such a sight when I die
Old Yorick, old Yorick, a helluva guy

Ah, Yorick, ah, Yorick, all flesh is as grass
The time must come when the best of us pass
May lilies bloom from the dust of your ass
Ah, Yorick, ah, Yorick, ah Yorick--alas!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love, kisses, & catfishes
from
Pink

Well ...

Not the answer I was hoping for and SORRY but I'm not completely satisfied.

OK, I can accept that you would never buy a cat. Who would?

But, supposing a great, big, hunky Tom drops by and decides to stay,
you could easily get round the nomenclature problem with your hub, by
renaming hub Yorick and, this way, he'll be thrilled when he finds out
that you've written a song about him.

Yes, I do adore the song and I am sure that your Yorick will like it, too.

Which reminds me, I went to a Cole Porter musical 'Out of This World'
a couple of weeks ago and it was AWFUL!

I've always associated Cole Porter with clever lyrics and catchy tunes
but nary a one.

So the opportunity is there for you to move into Broadway with a smash hit ...

Please confirm that as you have so kindly 'presented me' with the
lyrics, this counts as a gift inter vivos, and I can now start
collecting the Royalties for evermore.

I knew Yorick, knew Yorick--a wonderful clown
And now I jump in a hole in the ground

Oh, I do wish that Vera-Ellen was still around to do her stuff.

All the Best

Bryan

Here's to the next 1,000!

Bryan...

Please be aware that Pinkfreud is probably, at this moment,
sleeping under a blanket of the cats she currently owns.

And just to clarify, did you mean for her to name the new
cat Bryan, or probonopublico. Somehow, I just can't imagine
the latter...  : )

sublime1-ga

O Sublime One

I seriously doubt that Godesses require any sleep.

They're not like us mortals, you know.

I've NEVER heard of a cat named 'Bryan' ... The name is far too
dignified for a mere puss.

But, Probonopublico, well that's an altogether a different story.

And, here in my neigbourhood, they are very plentiful: there's a
tiger, a lion, a cheetah and a jaguar and that's just for starters.

If the Pink One should oblige, I would ask that she chooses a big,
hunky male, to remind everyone of me.

I bet that would take a lot of explaining away in Tulsa.

You know what the Tulsonians are like.

Bryan

Bryan,

Thanks for the generous tip! This will go into the cat veterinary
fund. We have an adolescent female who will be spayed soon (or, as my
grandma says, "That cat needs to be spaded.")

If, as you suggest, a great, big, hunky Tom drops by and decides to
stay, I do hope it is Tom Selleck or Tom Cruise. But, with my luck, it
will probably be Tom Arnold.

~Pink

Dear Pink
Why not name the next cat after Bryan's surname, what ever that is.
That should surfice.
Kemlo

Kemlo,

I believe Bryan's surname is 'Brosnan'. That does sound like a good
name for a cat. I'll take it under advisement. Of course, the cat will
need a first name other than "Bryan," for reasons discussed above.
Perhaps I shall call him "Purrs Brosnan." This would go well with
another cat name from my household, "Elvis Pussley."

~Pink