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Q: White guys who like black guys ( No Answer,   14 Comments )
Subject: White guys who like black guys
Category: Relationships and Society > Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual
Asked by: namaste2004-ga
List Price: $30.00
Posted: 17 Jun 2004 14:11 PDT
Expires: 17 Jul 2004 14:11 PDT
Question ID: 362631
I'm a white gay male who's attracted to other white gay males in the
25 to 35 year old range---masculine guys---those who are virtually
indistinguishable from straight.  I have noticed, as have other people
I've talked to, that a large number of guys fitting the profile of
those to whom I'm attracted are only attracted to black guys.

I'm not talking about a few white guys here and there.  I'm talking
about a percentage way out of proportion to usual dating preferences. 
Let's say on the order of a third of the masculine guys I'm attracted
to prefer black guys.  Some theories I've heard from other people who
have made the same observation, are that they like black guys because
they remind them of entertainment or sports celebrities, or they're
attracted to them for anatomical reasons.  I don't buy either.  I
think it goes much deeper, but it's a mystery to me.  Any clues?

By the way, I do live in a city that has a large black population, but
we also have a huge white gay population, too.
There is no answer at this time.

Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: apteryx-ga on 17 Jun 2004 23:31 PDT
Opposites attract?

(not a researcher)
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: apteryx-ga on 19 Jun 2004 22:28 PDT

I'm a little surprised that no one else has responded to this interesting question.

I just wanted to add that my earlier comment, though simple, was not
meant to be flippant.  I have thought about this phenomenon too (quite
dispassionately, being a straight woman), because I have noticed a lot
of mixed gay couples such as you describe.  There are also a lot of
white/Asian couples.

I have hypothesized that the racial difference might create an
appealing sense of "otherness" that occurs naturally in a hetero
relationship but, for some, might seem to be missing in a same-sex
relationship.  In a way I guess I thought it might be a substitute for
the opposite-sex effect.  Granted that some gay people are not looking
for that much difference, I thought some others might be.  So it was a
serious suggstion, and I'd be interested to know what you think of it.

(not a researcher)
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: namaste2004-ga on 21 Jun 2004 06:35 PDT
Lacking any other explanation, it sounds reasonable enough to me.  But
I'm wondering if there's more to it.  Thanks for your replies.

Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: mstenger-ga on 27 Jun 2004 23:00 PDT
It seems to me that the race(s) one is attracted to are generally
consistent with those one is familiar with, particularly those one was
raised among. Those living or raised in diverse areas seem to be
attracted to diverse races. Those raised in more homogenous areas seem
to find the predominant race attractive.
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: tastesminty-ga on 19 Jul 2004 07:36 PDT
It's a good, simple question with a complex answer that varies for each person. 

I don't the answer is (just) that one is attracted to the familiar - I
was raised in a city with a predominantly white populace and I'm a gay
white man disproportionately attracted to black, Asian, or Hispanic

As to why masculine white guys should be attracted to black men: I'd
say that black gay men tend to polarize as ultra-masculine or
ultra-feminine, as defiant reactions to the homophobia of the African
American community (and I know these are generalizations). Supposing
that macho white guys are also interested in other macho guys, black
men would therefore make a "safer" (less ambiguous) bet.

Here's another perspective, from a female, hetrosexual perspective,
but relevant nevertheless. From (Inteview with Rebecca
Walker on her anthology, "What Makes a Man: 22 Writers Imagine the

Salon: In your intro you call on women to help men reconfigure
masculinity. You say, "If we want men to be different we must
eroticize that difference." What do you mean?

RW:Women say we want these integrated, beautiful, sweet men. Then we
run off with the macho guy. All these years of feminism and we're
still looking for the knight in shining armor. There's a way in which
our impulses haven't caught up with our intellect. What I'm saying is,
we know that men are often socialized in their sexuality through
pornography. I can eroticize this table if I work hard enough at it.
Well, women need to flex that power and begin to eroticize what's
truly healthy for us and for our partners.

Salon:Nice guys finish last -- but at least they finish. 

RW:Being turned on by macho guys who aren't good for us has to do with
us wanting to be the feminine über-counterpart. I like those guys
'cause I can curl up and be little. I can be pure sensuality. But
those extremes only work in the realm of sexuality. Real relationships
are much more multidimensional. I want a partner, male or female, who
can be the cool tough guy to my damsel in distress and who can also be
the damsel in distress to my cool tough guy. I want to have the full
range of my humanity in a relationship. I want to experience life
fully, not just a sliver of it. That's why I did this book -- because
men are being allowed just this tiny part. I was interested in the
ones who are breaking out of that paradigm. I'm interested in knowing
what's that like for them
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: fusion8-ga on 12 Aug 2004 13:56 PDT
Hi, Again I dont have the answer to this. But I would like to add my
comment. To put it bluntly, I grew up in a small town in England with
extremely little racial mix. (98% white) When I moved to a city I
found myself completely attracted to Feminin Black men. I wouldnt say
I was Gay or Bi but have "experimented" and prefered the female
gender, On the other hand I find myself attracted to Black men
especially, shemales. ??? Why is this ??? any ideas ???

Thanks for reading.

Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: ando1-ga on 01 Sep 2004 05:53 PDT
Hi. I'm a gay black guy, not exactly feminine, but definitely feline -
or as my aunt used to say, "more bitch in him than me!" Anyway, I've
always been attracted to straight white guys, some brothers, too, but
mostly white guys. And they're usually attracted to me as well. On one
hand it's a role playing, cultural taboo thing: the powerful white
male and the oversexed black woman scenario is buried deeply in my
subconscious, I'm sure (Donna Summer, Diana Ross, RuPaul, not to
mention Jessye Norman, Kathleen Battle and a host of other
goddess-like black women are total role models). Also, I grew up with
very dominating black women in my household, all of whom had a
tremendous influence on my psyche (positive and well as negative). But
it's primarily "a role" or loose archetype. Sex and mutual attraction
based on these roles is not very fulfilling, but it's fun. I think
facade and a real union between two people (regardless of gender or
race) are completely different universes.

Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: cizzrhandz-ga on 26 Sep 2004 22:27 PDT
I am a latino/white male who is attracted to black men. I do not feel
that the reason a lot of white men are attracted to black men is due
to the fact that they were raised around black men, nor do I feel it
is due to the fact that they think of them as symbols of sports stars
or anything of the sort. I can not speak for all, but me personally I
am attracted to black men because that is just what I am attracted to.
It is no different than someone being attracted to blond hair and blue
eyed guys. It is just ones personal preference. Look at it this
way....Do gays know why they are attracted to the same sex? The answer
is no, it just feels natural to be attracted to the same sex. The same
can be said for the question at hand...It just feels natural!!!
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: is3longhornj-ga on 03 Nov 2004 23:56 PST
Before I can even answer this question, I need to be able to verify
that it's even a valid one. I was personally was unaware of this
phenomenon and thought that most white guys did not like black guys,
and vice versa. I feel I can make that generalization based on the
fact that many online dating sites feature black and white men that
show disinterest in one another. In addition, I have heard countless
stories of minority men feeling ignored at predominately white gay
bars and establishments.

I am black, and identify as bi--I do notice though, that it does seem
as though most of the "attention" I get is from either white guys or
black girls. But I thought this was due to the fact that I do not look
like most black guys and have different interests.

I'd have to disagree with everyone here, though, that this is some
kind of wide-spread phenomenon--I'm sure you're just interacting with
a very small percentage of white men who do prefer black men, and
therefore feel it is a common occurance. From an evolutionary
standpoint, people are attracted to those like themselves--not those
different from them, so this argument seems invalid to me.
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: mike44nh-ga on 16 Nov 2004 10:22 PST
I'm a gay white male who is attracted to men of all ethnicities (even
caucasians now and then).  ;-)  I find my true attractions, however,
gravitate toward blacks and latinos (my boyfriend is Latino). For me
the attraction starts with the skin color - I'm a very pale,
red-headed, blue-eyed man so perhaps that's the issue for me, who
knows. But I love the darker skin color while my Latino bf loves the
light skin color of Caucasian men. Just my 2 cents.
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: paaul-ga on 16 Nov 2004 11:34 PST
My love of Black men moves closer to "home." As a young boy, I had a
very estranged father. We could be together for hours or, ride 100
miles, together and not a word be spoken. My uncle in Maryland, ran a
road building business and had many black men working for him. One was
always, there. Howard. During the summer months, I would ride with him
and experience, the Wonder of the Black Soul. We talked, we laughed.
He was always interested in what I had done in school, girls, etc.And,
we laughed. How refreshing that was. Always a smile, always a hug. As
a young white boy, 10, 11, 12yrs old, I BONDED with a black man: not,
my own father. That experience was over 50 yrs. ago, and I will love,
honor & respect the Black Race till the day that I die. The Goodness,
Graciousness, Warmeth, Integrity, Humor, and Love of these people is
boundless. Being a gay man, I had always wanted a Black partner. The
desire is found in contrasts. Contrasts in thinking, communications,
physical being, attitude, humor and so, much more. Physical &
emotional contrasts are the key. Hopefully, I will find a Brotha who
is willing to share his life with graciousness and love. No, I have,
never, related to a Brotha as someone representing the entertainment
or athletic fields. Although, being a big fan of Professional
Football, I have had some. . . .fantasies. (But, we won't speak of
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: zodiac27-ga on 18 Nov 2004 09:41 PST
As a black gay male, when I first read your question, I was somewhat
offended. It sounded so "scientific" and unbelievable that white gay
men can be "naturally" attracted to someone other than themselves,
especially black men. Like it was something in the water that made
white gay men suddenly find men of color appealing (beyond sex). 
Beyond all the stereotypes and historical-sexual hype just maybe its
no experiment at all but human nature - they clicked. Can it be just
that simple?

I read your question again and realized that you deserve a honest
answer, so please allow me to add my two cents. Theres nothing
profound or earth
shattering I can add. I dont think there needs to be any deep studies
on why black men/white men date or how they found some common ground
outside of the bedroom.  I hate to sound simple but things are
changing in the world and slowly we are becoming more inclusive as a
group. The old labels just don't fit anymore- race mixing (whether for
gay or straight) use to be taboo. Now, everywhere you look it's in
your face.

Black men are sometimes viewed as ultra-masculine also. Another
sterotype which is often played out to the bitter end (by both black
and white alike). It can be extremely attractive and seductive (as
someone else mentioned) but can also be an obstacle as well. Meaning
once you have built something /one up its hard for them to be anything
else. There is a strength that I find that most white men like about
black men - a certain in-your-face-, unapologetic, bold demeanor that
sets us apart. There are a million of reasons why I think you are
seeing so many interracial gay couples. Now it just may not be your
preference and for some it just "how it goes". I apologize for acting
on emotion when I first responded, it's hard to explain but I have
been a pawn in a lot of  "experimentors games".  So its nice to see
these relationships thrive (beyond the bedroom). Now I realize I didnt
say much but I invite further questions/comments on this issue. I hope
to her from you soon.
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: tarporley-ga on 04 Jan 2005 18:27 PST
I live in the Gay capital of America, San Francisco, and I can tell
you that there are many people who are attracted to people of other
racial backgrounds. Though I have met people who do not date of their
race, I have found that it is mainly due to the chemicals in your body
and your past experiences that determine your preference.

I partly agree with mstenger-ga, that if you are around a diverse
culture, that you start to date out of your race.

You are influenced mostly by those who raised you and the media. If
you have dreams of being with black guys, then you probably have seen
some sexy black guys onscreen. Mmmm, DMX....

I am a straight white female and I have found that after watching a
good Jet Li movie, I start to see all of the Asian guys around me.
Good thing I live near China town....
Subject: Re: White guys who like black guys
From: plazone-ga on 09 Jan 2005 08:35 PST
Hmmm.....why even ponder the reason why.  I am a Black man who likes
white men.  I say so what.  Instead of wasting time trying to examine
why peoples preferences are what they are, a more meaningful
conversation would be of how to make these relationships last and the
challenges these couples face.

I say wasting time because it's like discussing why to guys like
blondes, or some people prefer someone older, or hairy or smooth--it
just is what it is.  there doesn't have to be some deep meaning behind
a particular person's attracted to another person.  Sometimes it just

It's rather comical to me that you always hear peope discussing why
the white person is with the black person, and it often comes down to
some facination with endowment or some animalistic quality (what a
joke).  Does anyone ever think about the opposite--why is that black
peroson with the white.  Often times that comes to--he's with him/her
for their money. What a shame.  Let's just say we like what we like
and if both parties like each other--what a beautiful thing

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