My family used to sing a song about an unfortunate guy who was
deserted by every woman he met. I'm looking for the lyrics here
because I had no luck doing internet searches (Google, etc...).

Here are a few key phrases...
Reading "Dear John, I think the world of you, but I'm in love with
someone new. I could marry one, but I can't marry two, so farewell to
you dear John."

Hilda was swiss and a muscular miss, from punching the holes in cheese.

Something about a matador.

That's all I can think of, thanks to the person who can answer this one. =)

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Clarification of Question by amoebahop-ga on 04 Aug 2004 16:14 PDT

Hey I got an unofficial, from the memory answer from my mom and my
sister. I'll go ahead and cancel this question. Here it is for anybody
else who might like it:

---Dear John---

I was to be wed to a redhead named Red,
But I had to go away.
To Red I was true and I thought she was too,
Til she wrote me this letter one day,

Chorus:
Reading, "Dear John, I think the world of you,
But I'm in love with someone new.
I could marry one but I can't marry two,
So farewell to you, dear John."

When sweet Leilani showed Hawaii to me,
I fell for her native charm.
"Give me something," said I, "to remember you by,"
And she carved this tattoo on my arm,

(Chorus)

In Paris I met a brunette named Yvette.
I called her my Sweet Cherie.
The wedding was set,but Yvette I regret
Sent the following letter to me:

(Chorus)

In Spain my amor was a girl matador;
The wedding was set for Spring.
My love it was full as she vanquished the bull;
Then she threw me this note from the ring,

(Chorus)

Now Hilda was Swiss and a muscular miss
From punching the holes in cheese.
I asked her to wed, but she yodeled instead,
And this message came down in the breeze,

(Chorus)

And now I'm with Sal, just a hillbilly gal;
She's ugly, she's fat, she's dumb.
She knows how to fight, but she ain't learned to write,
So I reckon no letter will come