In the years 1996 and 1997, the World Wrestling Federation (now called
World Wrestling Entertainment) put on their own version of an awards
show, called the Slammy Awards, or the Slammies.  Each of the two
years, the show was begun by a musical number performed by Todd
Pettingill.  These songs mentioned several WWF superstars with
"humorous" remarks.  Some of the lyrics I remember ("He's the sexiest
thing to ever step in a ring" for Shawn Michaels, "He's the only man
man enough to wear pink" for Bret Hart, "Big Daddy don't need no
friendships, he don't need no one at all" for Big Daddy Cool Diesel). 
I cannot remember the full lyrics for either year's song.  I am
looking for the full lyrics to each Slammy Awards show's beginning
song.

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Clarification of Question by mr_itty-ga on 10 Jul 2002 20:41 PDT

In addition to the lyrics themselves, I would also very much like to
find sound files of the actual singing of the two songs.  These are
not necessary for the answer, but they'd be appreciated and would
likely receive a higher rating.

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Request for Question Clarification by justaskscott-ga on 11 Jul 2002 23:55 PDT

I have tracked down lyrics for the 1996 Slammys only.  They're
unofficial, but they're a pretty good match for the lyrics that you
remember.

I can also give you information on how to obtain the videos for the
1996 and 1997 Slammys.
  
Would this be an acceptable answer?

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Clarification of Question by mr_itty-ga on 12 Jul 2002 05:36 PDT

I would much prefer both sets of lyrics.  If no one else is able to
find the 1997 lyrics within a few more days (let's say by Tuesday,
7/16), I will accept your answer.

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Request for Question Clarification by justaskscott-ga on 14 Jul 2002 09:35 PDT

I have a suggestion, which I am posting today only because I might not
have too much time on Tuesday.  Perhaps you should cancel the current
question and repost it as two questions: one for the 1996 Slammy
Awards and one for 1997.  That way I (or someone else, if they beat me
to it) could answer one question and you can still leave the other
question open.  The only drawback is that you would pay an extra $1 in
posting fees.  But on the other hand, if you post your questions
again, you might draw new researchers into finding the answer for
1997.

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Clarification of Question by mr_itty-ga on 14 Jul 2002 11:14 PDT

That's a non-terrible idea.  What's $1?  Hell, I could make a 20
minute phonecall for a dollar....

(sorry, sorry)

I'll do that now.

This isn't an answer, but a list of people the song poked fun at. 

Vince McMahon and Ted Turner. (To the "Mounds" and "Almond Joy" jingle).
Sycho Sid. (To the tune of "On Top of Old Smokey").
Rocky Maivia and the Sultan. (To the "The Flintstones" theme song).
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin. ("Hanky Panky" from "Dick Tracy").
Shawn Michaels. (To "Summer Days" from "Grease").
Sunny. (To the tune of her old theme song, "Sunny").
Owen Hart and the British Bulldog. (To a rockabilly, "Hound Dog" type beat).
The Undertaker. (To something similar to "Sharp Dressed Man").
Flash Funk. (To "Play That Funky Music").
Jerry "The King" Lawler. (To the "Love Boat" theme).
Faarooq and the Nation of Domination. (To "If They Could See Me Now").
Bret and Owen Hart. (Couldn't identify this tune).
Goldust and Marlena. ("Funky Cold Medina" ... I think).
The Road Warriors. (To the theme from "Cheers").
Vader. ("I'm Just a Gigolo").
Ahmed Johnson, Dok Hendrix and Jim Ross. (Couldn't identify this tune).
Hunter Hearst Helmsley and Chyna. ("The Girl From Ipanema").
FROM: http://www.uslink.net/~petrie/ppv/slammys.html

Good luck on your search!

Yes, I've found that page as well.  But I'm looking for the actual lyrics.