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Q: Marital Relationships ( Answered,   3 Comments )
Subject: Marital Relationships
Category: Family and Home > Relationships
Asked by: smiley911-ga
List Price: $50.00
Posted: 30 Aug 2004 14:02 PDT
Expires: 29 Sep 2004 14:02 PDT
Question ID: 394694
Different ways of getting your wife to say "Yes" to having sex. 
Basically, how to "turn-on" your wife without using the same old stale
routine, (especially just asking.) Are their any worthy books on the
Subject: Re: Marital Relationships
Answered By: kriswrite-ga on 30 Aug 2004 15:06 PDT
Hello Smiley911~

The number one, most important thing any man can do to increase his
wife?s sex drive (and make his marriage happier) is to give his wife
affection and attention outside of foreplay.

How does this lead to more sex? When a husband:

* offers to take his wife out to dinner because she?s tired after a long day
* opens doors for her
* hugs and kisses her without expecting sex afterward
* is considerate
* really listens to her
* frequently tells her he?s proud of her and that he appreciates her
* holds her hand when they?re out and about
* does household chores without being asked
* picks up after himself
* sometimes does his wife?s household chores ?just because? and without being asked

he is making his wife feel more loved. And the more loved she feels,
the more amorous she feels toward her husband. Which in the end means
she?s more in the mood for sex.

In short, women want attention, affection, and appreciation from their husbands. 

I doubt any husband could give his wife too much of this, so even if
you feel you?re already on this path, up the ante: give her more.
She?ll only love and appreciate *you* more.

For an excellent article on this topic, see ?Cultivating Affection in
Your Marriage,? ://

This is just one section from an important marriage book by William F.
Hardley called ?His Needs, Her Needs.? (See the Amazon listing here:
)  The subtitle to this book is ?Building an Affair-Proof Marriage,?
but much of the advice given to husbands in this book will help make
your wife feel more romantic towards you. Again, the principle is:
Invest in making your wife feel good emotionally, and she will make
you feel good in return :)

Another book that deals with the subject of making your wife feel
cherished is ?Real Foreplay:?  Unlike ?His Needs, Her
Needs,? I have not read this book, but the book has excellent reviews.

I also recommend that you take the time to sit down and ask your wife
what you can do in bed that appeals to her. Even if you?ve talked
about this in the past, ask her again. Things may have changed. Is
there something she wishes you did more often? Then follow her
longings. Is there something she?d like to try? Then don?t say no.

Just showing a genuine desire to please you wife will stimulate her
romantic feelings. And if you can change something you do in bed so
that she?s apt to have sex more often, so much the better.

Do also make sure that you spend enough time in foreplay. (If you're
ensure what's enough, ask your wife.) The number one complaint among
wives I know is that their husband?s rush through foreplay, wanting to
get (as they put it) to ?the good stuff.? This is discouraging to
women, who really need foreplay to enjoy sex. When husbands rush
through foreplay, wives are apt to avoid sex. Remember that for women,
foreplay is definitely an important part of ?the good stuff.?

Sometimes men rush through foreplay because they just don?t know what
to *do.* Things that might be good additions include:

* a back rub
* massage
* kissing the neck (most women find this stimulating)
* telling her the things you love about her
* pouring her a bubble bath and then gently bathing her...

the possibilities are endless. 

Notice I didn?t mention the clitoris at all. While this is an
important sex organ, it should be touched in the last stages of
foreplay. *First,* make her feel cherished. That?s a real turn-on for
women. Then, spend some time massaging her nether regions, and taking
some time with her clitoris.

One reason women sometimes loose interest in sex is that they aren?t
getting orgasms. While sex without orgasm is usually pleasurable too,
the anticipation of an orgasm gets many women in the mood. So find
ways to get her to climax, and use them every time you have sex.

Also, if you?ve never targeted your wife?s G-Spot, now?s a good time
to start. Even if she doesn?t orgasm from having her G-spot
stimulated, she will probably get a lot of pleasure out of it. And the
more pleasure she feels during sex, the more often she?s likely to
want to have sex. To read more about the G-spot, visit ?Everything You
Ever Wanted to Know About the G-Spot:?

One last important piece of advice: If a woman knows without a doubt
that her husband?s number one goal is to make her feel great (in *and*
out of bed), she?ll definitely feel more in the mood, more often. One
way you can show your wife that her pleasure is important is to spend
a night or two a month satisfying her?-and not expecting anything in

This is probably not quite the answer you were expecting. However,
it?s the most helpful advice anyone can give a husband:

* Show your wife affection, appreciation, and attention
* Then make sure she gets the same kind of pleasure you do out of sex

The first will up her desire, and the second will keep her coming back for more.

Finally, for a good general list of Dos and Don?ts, please read ?The
Most Common Mistakes We Make In Bed:?


husbands wives affection foreplay
husbands wives foreplay
get my wife to have sex
wife doesn't want sex

Request for Answer Clarification by smiley911-ga on 30 Aug 2004 16:46 PDT
Thank you for the answer; it does get me PART of the way there. 
However, what is missing is more specifically pertaining to the part
about the massage and back rub.  That is the real problem.  That is
what I do all the time to "get there" and the complaint is that it is
the same old thing.  What else can a man do when it actually comes to
that time to initiate, other than the back rub or just plain asking if
she's in the mood? Is there a helpful list of "initiators" if you

Clarification of Answer by kriswrite-ga on 31 Aug 2004 08:28 PDT
Hi Smiley~

I?m glad that my Answer has been useful so far. Now that I know you?re
in a ?back rub/massage rut,? here are some ideas that may help you:

* Brush her hair.

* Join her in the shower when she least expects it. (Make sure she?s
not in a rush to get somewhere, though.)

* Cook her dinner and serve it by candlelight.

* Spend a day giving her lots of cuddles and plenty of kisses. Nothing
should last more than one minute?two at most. At the end of the day?at
long last?let those kisses linger and turn into something else.

* Leave a rose petal trail from the door to the bedroom.

* Run kisses all over her body. Start with her hand, then layer dozens
of little kisses over her torso, her arms, her legs, her neck, her
back, her eyelids, her thighs?She?ll get the idea.

* In the dim light of your bedroom, spend a night just laying on the
bed, cuddling and talking. Give her plenty of time to feel relaxed and
listened to, then have a nice long make out session.

* If you have a routine about time of day, day of the week, etc.,
break it! Initiate sex when she doesn?t expect it.

* As soon as she walks in the door at the end of the day (or as soon
as you walk in), take her in your arms and give her a passionate kiss.
Silently lead her to the bedroom.

* If your wife isn?t totally turned off by the idea of initiating sex,
make her a ?love coupon? book. To get ideas for the coupons, check out
?Love Coupons? at Loving You:  and
?Sexy Love Coupons? at Adoring You:  A similar
idea is ?Sex Invitations? at Loving You:

* In the morning, write a note to your wife and leave it someplace
she?ll be sure to see it. (An idea: If she works outside the home,
make her a homemade lunch and stick your note inside.) In the note,
tell her you can?t wait to get home and make passionate love to her.
If you think she?ll like it, go into great detail about what exactly
you?re going to do to her.

* In a similar idea, send her flowers with an explicit note.

* Strip for her. Even if she laughs (probably because it?s unexpected
and she?s a little embarrassed), she?ll be impressed?and she?ll get
the idea.

* Rent a romantic movie to get into the mood, then use one of the
above (or below) techniques.

* If you?re sitting at home watching a movie or tv, just start kissing
her. Suck her fingers, kiss her body?You probably won?t make it to the
end of the movie.

I?ll also mention again:

* Telling her all the things you love about her

* Pouring her a bubble bath; pamper her by bringing her a favorite
drink, light candles, play soft music. Better yet, take a long bath

There are a number of websites that offer advice to husbands on how to
romance their wives. You might check them out:



* and the book ?101 Ways To Romance Your Wife? by Dave & Anne Frabm
(Here?s the Amazon listing:

Subject: Re: Marital Relationships
From: daytrader_7__6-ga on 30 Aug 2004 19:18 PDT

also "Men Are from Mars, Women are from Venus" by John Gray
the original, not one of the umpteen sequels.
Subject: Re: Marital Relationships
From: raxis-ga on 29 Sep 2004 14:47 PDT
I'll probably get shot down for suggesting this but its worked for my
marriage and we are still sexually adventurous and interested. I
certainly acknowledge that this would not be the best way for the vast
majority of relationships out there.

the affection you give your wife can be thought of like a drug (a nice
one). it gives the desired affect of helping her feel loved and more
intimate but after a while it becomes the norm and you need more
affection to get the same result. Obviously we do have some limits to
how wonderful and affectionate we can be (lets face it, as wonderous
as it is to make your partner feel loved and appreciated it can be
taxing and tiring, indeed it makes us feel better and wonderful in
many ways but it drains us in others).

What you can do is have "resting periods" where you just back off on
the affection for a while. Now don't just go cold turky and give her
the cold shoulder, simply reduce it back to a more steady and
sustainable level for a while (week - fortnight) and then hit back up
to your overly wonderful old self until it becomes too much or starts
to loose its charm again.

As before, I know this may appear cold or something but when I'm at my
most affectionate I'm doing ALL the chores, giving massages and
basically being a complete man-servent. I'm sure we can all appreciate
how this level cannot be kept up and in my case my wife feels guilty
to have me go to so much trouble for too long (guilt does not put
anyone in the mood).
Subject: Re: Marital Relationships
From: maluca-ga on 14 Apr 2005 18:08 PDT

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