Im 23 Yrs old. Ive had my b'f for 3.5yrs. When i first met him, i
thought we were a match made in heaven. We had one similar
circumstance with a death of a child with our former relationships and
we thought it was meant to be, that we would fall in love and have
the baby that was meant to be. He'd call me his soul mate.  There were
no real problems for atleast 6mons-yr. Then Id notice our
personalities started to clash, he alays said he loves a fiesty woman
and i loved a "raw" man, and If I had one that cried and showed emotion
id walk all over him. I tried to tell him I needed a little of both, I
soon saw his emotionless attitude and it was due to the lack of a  decent
childhood and family guidence.  Even to this day ive never met his
parents that are only 3hrs away.  We, in the past have gotten into big
arguments, we both have tempers on a few occations we got into
wrestling matches, twice resulted in the autorities coming.  I moved
in, and all went down hill. The name calling, the put downs . The
constant excuses and lack off accountablity for his faults in the
relationship. He was starting to make me feel useless and small, one
time even cornering me and putting his finger in my face while i was
in fetal position on the floor.  Showing his supreme authority.  When
my father died in a tragic plane crash he left the wake early to pay a
bill.  All my family dislike him.  Presently he seems to want all my
attention and is not patient at all.  I feel so low on my self esteem.
 How can i pull out of this dark hole and finally see im worthy of a
life without him, That independance is a blessing.  I know what i need
to do but cant seem to.  I desperately need help

Miss_thanggg1....

I'm not a GA researcher, but I read your question with special
interest. You see, I  left an emotionally abusive marriage ( and that
is EXACTLY what your relationship with your boyfriend is > emotionally
abusive) 2 and 1/2 years ago. During the time of my marriage, I was
countlessly told I wasn't "good" enough, I was too dumb, ugly,
stupid...you name it I was it....

I know its not my place to ever give advice, but let me just say that
the longer you remain with your boyfriend, the longer it will take you
to rebuild your self esteem and sense of worth.

You have so many years ahead of you to find a partner that respects
and is an equal to you. There is a better life just waiting for you!!
Think real hard about your future and happiness.

I wish you the best,

Steph53

http://www.metanoia.org/choose/

1. move out
2. see a licensed counselor.  Sometimes your health insurance will
pay, or there are also places geared toward low-income people.

http://216.120.234.168/~totalli/forum/forumdisplay.php?s=&forumid=16
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewforum.php?f=12

You can do it.
You are worth it.

You deserve much better!

Get support from your family and groups (domestic violence, women's shelters,...).
Get out.
Beware of his desperation (pleading or escalating).
Focus on what you want in life.

These past questions might help you:
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=69969
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=229037
http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=244252

And get counseling because you clearly have issues of your own. Don't
take this the wrong way. It may sound blunt, but at least it's honest:

You seem to be looking for someONE or someTHING to replace your loss:
>>We had one similar circumstance with a death of a child with our
former relationships and we thought it was meant to be, that we would
fall in love and have the baby that was meant to be.

You probably have some universal relationship problems that would be
considered obstacles in ANY relationship:
>> If I had one that cried and showed emotion id walk all over him

You may need to learn how to express yourself effectively.
>> I tried to tell him I needed a little of both

You may have some anger management problems
>> we both have tempers on a few occations we got into wrestling
matches, twice resulted in the autorities coming.

After all this that I have mentioned (and that you included yourself
in) you may still be in denial and need to work through the faults of
your own.
>> The constant excuses and lack off accountablity for his faults in the
relationship.

I think you should address YOUR OWN problems with professional help so
that you can get it right the next time and completely forget about
what "boyfriend" did or didn't do as he (and this relationship)
appears to be headed for yesterday's photo album anyway - as well it
probably should be.

tutuzdad-ga

miss_thanggg1-ga.  I cannot give you any professional advise but I can
give you some words of wisdom from someone who has been there before. 
Someone who spent 8 years married to a man who would rape her every
night.  Someone who stayed with a man who emotionally tortured her
because she didn?t think she was worth anything more.  This is what I
learned.

If you are burdened by the memories of the past and burdened by the
projections of the future, you just go on living - at the minimum. You
don't live at the maximum. If you live in the present moment, which is
really the only moment you have to live, you will be less apt to
worry.   Through all of your hurt and the heartache, do not give up
when you still have something to give. Nothing is really over until
the moment you stop trying. Do not be afraid to encounter the risks.
It is by taking a chance that we learn how to be brave. Do not dismiss
you dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope. To be without
hope is to be without purpose. Do not run through life so fast that
you forget not only where you have been but also where you are going.
Life is not a race but a journey to be savored each step of the way.

I was one told this joke:  A well-known speaker started off his
seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, Who
would like this $20 bill? Hands started going up. He said, I am going
to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded
to crumple the $20 dollar bill up. He then asked, Who still wants it?
Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, What if I do this. And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up,
now crumpled, and dirty. Now who still wants it? Still the hands went
into the air.

My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what
I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in
value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are
dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make
and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are
worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you
will never lose your value.  Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely
creased, you are still priceless to those who love you. The worth of
our lives comes not in what we do or whom we know, but by WHO WE ARE.

Remember - Laugh & fun, don?t be gloomy. Let bygones be bygones.
Dwelling on the past inflicts unnecessary stress. Keep learning,
reading & socializing. An alert & active mind keeps brain cells
healthy. Keep working, doing something you like. Be the boss of your
own life. Letting others push you around produces stress. Do not worry
about health & death, just get on with your life and enjoy it.  You
are special - Don't EVER forget it.